Lack of help...

RemoveMyFatSuit · February 2010

I'm so PISSED at the lack of help my friends are giving me!!! They said they wanted to help but yet neither of them have come by to help with the invites!!! Are you in my shoes too?

sugarp · February 2010

I'm so sorry! I agree, you DO need to take matters into your own hands, but don't host your own shower for goodness sake! This is what you need to do...start making dates. Make a date to get the invitations done. Call them up and say, "Let's get together on such and such a date and time, and work on these invites". MAKE them commit to a day and time. as far as the dad's house goes, can you have it somewhere else? Possibly one of your friend's places? If he's not calling back, he's obviously not that serious about it, so I'd look elsewhere. And when you talk to your friends, be polite, but to the point. Say something like, "I'm really getting worried about this whole baby shower thing, b/c the baby'll be here soon, and I feel like we don't have that much more time to plan for a shower." and then, "Is this going to be too much for you to handle?" see what they say, and good luck!

RemoveMyFatSuit · February 2010

Thanks Sugrap!!!

I went ahead and reserved a place I enjoy eating at LOL they have a private room and it was only $50 with a min $150 food purchase...

I made my own invites & had them printed at office max today, I picked March 20th for the date... I even went to the dollar store today to buy party favors etc...

GeoffreytheGiraffe · February 2010

If you are that hard up for money, return the things you have purchased and put it towards baby stuff.

You most likely won't get everything you need at a hastily thrown together shower. So I think the prudent move would be to cancel and save for what you need.

If your friends get their acts together (and I bet they will!!) then great. But the cost benefit analysis of showers that you contribute money for don't usually work out in your favor.

honeybee111 · February 2010

Sorry, but I think if you are having financial issues, you should cancel the shower and use the money to buy what you need. A shower is not necessary for a baby. You might need to purchase something that IS necessary like a car seat.

ams8099 · February 2010

Throwing your own shower = TACKY

shmily78 · February 2010

ams8099:
Throwing your own shower = TACKY

^^^ This!!!

You don't host your own shower, ever, under any circumstances. Showers are not mandatory (and should NEVER be expected), they are give by friends and family who want to see the new mom and baby off to a great start.

I can't believe someone close to you has not set you straight yet...yikes.

nooniesgal · February 2010

If you are jobless the last thing you need to be doing is throwing your own shower. I honestly have big reservations on anyone hosting their own shower since it is very much a "bring me a gift" situation. I know that everyone desires to have a shower, but I think you would be better having a meet the baby party after your child's arrival if you want a celebration.

sarahbear · February 2010

Do NOT host your own shower. It's tacky and stupid considering you don't have the money for it either. Spend the money to buy the items you need for your baby.

MCC1010 · February 2010

If you are having a hard time financially and it is hard for you to do it then please reconsider. I do not agree that it is tacky to have a shower yourself for the simple reason that not everyone is lucky enough to have people who are able to throw one for you. Maybe they don't have the means financially or maybe they are flaky. You can always have people over after the baby is born to meet the baby.

If you really have your heart set on a shower then maybe just aim for something small and intimate. There is no need for favors (no one EVER keeps them no matter how cute or darling we think they are). Think more along of girlfriends hanging out and having a fun afternoon instead of something more formal. Simple finger food that you can get inexpensively or make yourself. Try to limit the stress and not go overboard. Yeah, I know there are guidelines for this stuff but that is all they are guidelines. You make your own rules. But try to do what is BEST for you - emotionally, financially and mentally - then you sould be fine.

hopefulmom · February 2010

MCC is incorrect. You don't just make your own rules when someone bails on giving you a shower. Did your friends actually say they were going to give you a shower? If so, have you asked them if they are still planning to do this? If not...then don't have a shower. A shower is a gift...so if you give yourself a shower then you are giving yourself a gift. Very tacky and kind of dumb...since you will be spending money you really need to spend on LO...especially if you are unemployed. If you just want to have a party to celebrate LO...then have a meet the baby party after LO is born. You can just have a cake and something to drink.

DaniLovesPink · February 2010

If they are not planning a shower, under not circumstances should you host your own. That is tacky and gift grabby. Take the money you would have spent on the shower, and buy the things you need for baby.

Once baby is born, you can host a "welcome to the world" party, where friends and family come to meet the baby. On this invitation, you make no mention of gifts. Some people will bring them out of tradition, but some will not.

When it's all said and done - look for more reliable friends.

DaniLovesPink · February 2010

Wow. I just noticed you also had an online shower recently. You are definitely being gift grabby. If your friends host the second shower, that's great. If not, it looks like you already got enough.

robinsokj · February 2010

Why would you ever put money you don't have towards a shower when you could use it for baby stuff? That is tacky and irresponsible.

sugarp · February 2010

Ok, wow, I'm sorry about all the negative responses you got:( My understanding of this whole situation is that you "thought" your friends were going to throw you a shower, so it's not as if you thought to yourself, "I'm going to throw myself a baby shower!" it seems like the friends are backing out or just being flaky, which sucks, but I'm a firm believer that ALL babies births should be celebrated! Regarding the favors, decorations, etc, you might want to talk to your husband and maybe HE can talk with your friends and let them know it would be REALLY nice if they were the ones to pitch in and help make this shower awesome...just a suggestion. And regarding games and favors, and prizes, you really don't need all those things. I think a nice lunch with friends with a few decorations and a cake/cupcakes would be great;) Hope this helps a little. i know how much you want this, and I think every mom deserves to have a little celebration esp. when it's her 1st baby!

sugarp · February 2010

Wait a second....you DID have a shower! I didn't know you had an online shower, and I never even knew there was such a thing, but it looks like you got some pretty cool gifts from that. So, it seems you HAVE had a shower, albeit online. Keep your $$$, use it towards the baby items you need, and since you already rented a space, have your luncheon, but don't expect people to bring gifts (ie: don't register for stuff). Use March 20 as just a fun friend get together before the baby is born...no games, no favors, no prizes, as this should not be a shower.

DaniLovesPink · February 2010

sugarp:
Wait a second....you DID have a shower! I didn't know you had an online shower, and I never even knew there was such a thing, but it looks like you got some pretty cool gifts from that. So, it seems you HAVE had a shower, albeit online. Keep your $$$, use it towards the baby items you need, and since you already rented a space, have your luncheon, but don't expect people to bring gifts (ie: don't register for stuff). Use March 20 as just a fun friend get together before the baby is born...no games, no favors, no prizes, as this should not be a shower.

And please notice she is also accepting donations online to buy her bigger items. I'm sorry, honey, but this is down right tacky and I would be embarrassed.

Jennifer2008 · February 2010

It's been well covered by most people that this is super tacky. Save your money (and your reputation) and cancel. If your friends want to host, they will. You shouldn't really be involved. And if money is tight, spend it where it is needed. As the host of your own second shower (after an online shower -- eek!) I doubt that everyone will (a) attend or (b) be really psyched to get you an amazing gift. I wouldn't get an awesome gift for someone who seemed to be acting so gift-grabby. Then again, if you were my friend, I would have told you all of this and never let you throw your own shower

danilynn17 · February 2010

Maybe they decided not to help because you've turned into a mommy-to-be-zilla with an entitlement issue? Your post sounds so angry, confrontational and demanding. If I was supposed to be throwing a shower for you, I would have second thoughts on it as well.

It's your job to provide for your child. Instead of wasting money on a party for yourself, spend that money on the baby's necessities.

BTW, I said necessities. Your registries are humongous. 118 items alone on the BRU registry (NOT counting requests for multiples of an item, of which there are a number!!!!), plus a several dozen more items at Walmart? You do NOT need all of that crap. If you are indeed unemployed, you should pare those registries down to the essentials!

GeoffreytheGiraffe · February 2010

I think a blog with a link for donations is actually against the bump's TOS. LOL at that one, chickie.

MCC1010 · February 2010

If you already HAD a shower then I agree with everyone else that there is no need for another one. I was under the impression that you wanted a little something to celebrate being pregnant which I totally understand. However, I am curious as to why do you want a second shower?

TulipsAndChampagne · February 2010

sugarp:
ALL babies births should be celebrated!
i know how much you want this, and I think every mom deserves to have a little celebration esp. when it's her 1st baby!

I agree with both of these statements HOWEVER...you can celebrate a baby's birth and celebrate the mom without having a shower.

We are having a meet the baby BBQ after our little one arrives...to celebrate us becoming parents for the first time and to show off our sweet little baby...it is not a shower. We are not "asking" people to shower us with gifts. We want to throw a party to celebrate...so that is what we are doing.

We, as opposed to the OP, can afford to host this BBQ. If we were in a though spot financially, we would spend every possible cent on making sure the baby had what it needed first and foremost.

ams8099 · February 2010

MCC1010:
If you are having a hard time financially and it is hard for you to do it then please reconsider. I do not agree that it is tacky to have a shower yourself for the simple reason that not everyone is lucky enough to have people who are able to throw one for you. Maybe they don't have the means financially or maybe they are flaky. You can always have people over after the baby is born to meet the baby.
If you really have your heart set on a shower then maybe just aim for something small and intimate. There is no need for favors (no one EVER keeps them no matter how cute or darling we think they are). Think more along of girlfriends hanging out and having a fun afternoon instead of something more formal. Simple finger food that you can get inexpensively or make yourself. Try to limit the stress and not go overboard. Yeah, I know there are guidelines for this stuff but that is all they are guidelines. You make your own rules. But try to do what is BEST for you - emotionally, financially and mentally - then you sould be fine.

If nobody throws a shower for you, then you throw a "meet the baby" party after the baby is born. You do not throw your own shower.

nooniesgal · February 2010

OMG...I just read your blog about people throwing you a shower. The "we've almost hit our goal of $160" thank you for all the monetary contributors for a playard. ... That is absolutely the tackiest way of saying thank you I have ever heard of. Was it a telethon or a babyshower. You do not need to throw yourself a shower. You had one!

MCC1010 · February 2010

ams8099:
MCC1010:

If you are having a hard time financially and it is hard for you to do it then please reconsider. I do not agree that it is tacky to have a shower yourself for the simple reason that not everyone is lucky enough to have people who are able to throw one for you. Maybe they don't have the means financially or maybe they are flaky. You can always have people over after the baby is born to meet the baby.

If you really have your heart set on a shower then maybe just aim for something small and intimate. There is no need for favors (no one EVER keeps them no matter how cute or darling we think they are). Think more along of girlfriends hanging out and having a fun afternoon instead of something more formal. Simple finger food that you can get inexpensively or make yourself. Try to limit the stress and not go overboard. Yeah, I know there are guidelines for this stuff but that is all they are guidelines. You make your own rules. But try to do what is BEST for you - emotionally, financially and mentally - then you sould be fine.

If nobody throws a shower for you, then you throw a "meet the baby" party after the baby is born. You do not throw your own shower.

Realistically you can do whatever you want. If you bothered to read the rest of the posts you would have noticed that I did not know she had already been given a shower. And that this would have been a second one. If you plan on replying to something at least take the time to READ and make an informed comment instead of just rambling. Thank you.

nooniesgal · February 2010

OP has been edited...hope that helps anyone just tuning in trying to figure out what the fuss is about! Long story short...the OP was smart to edit. End of story!

TulipsAndChampagne · February 2010

nooniesgal:
OP has been edited...hope that helps anyone just tuning in trying to figure out what the fuss is about! Long story short...the OP was smart to edit. End of story!

Yup...nice edit!

blckwhtyllwgirl · February 2010

Man I missed it - anyone have the link for the blog?

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