WWYD:I need help regarding FB situation...

MrsOlson · February 2010

My DH's first love (and she's beautiful) just added him to fb. It's been 10 years, they both have their own families, etc... But he asked me what I thought. He said it was my decision if I wanted him to add her or not. I told him I didn't want him to. Was that wrong of me? I just keep thinking - what if? What if they decided to reconnect or something? That would destroy me and our girls. I feel so selfish .

What would you do?

tarebear9891 · February 2010

Eh you are going to get really mixed answers. What matters is that you don't feel comfortable with it. Personally, neither my husband or I would be comfortable with it either if that makes you feel any better.

Gina418 · February 2010

He asked you and you gave him an honest answer. I wouldn't give it another thought.

iteachk · February 2010

I have not friended any exes, and wouldn't go there. I wouldn't want my DH to either (although he isn't on fb.) I'm with you.

Snowy_Owl · February 2010

Wow your 1st thought was that he'd cheat?

Why do you not trust him?

Depends on the situation - but typically I don't have an issue with FBing an ex.

ggbean · February 2010

What would they be hoping to accomplish by reconnecting? I think it's nice that there are no hard feelings, but it's been 10 years, they've both moved on and IMO they should continue on their separate paths.

I'mAcrossThePond · February 2010

I don't care if DH is friends with exes on FB...I mean, I won. I got to marry him and he fathered my son...plus, he's deliriously in love with me and lets me know every day.

Well, and we live in England, and his exes are all in the US.

Ciconrad · February 2010

I don't think it would bother me but if it's how you feel and your DH was ok with it, just leave it alone. She's not added as his friend and he doesn't seem to mind, so I wouldn't make it a bigger issue than it needs to be.

jamie4duke · February 2010

My husband's ex-FI is on his FB. None of my exes are on mine. DH knows that if he ever cheats on me, I will rake him over the coals and take the girls and everything else I can. He knows his life will be miserable if he ever does that to me, so I'm not worried.

If you aren't comfortable, then say so.

C.P.C. · February 2010

I'm sure some may disagree, but if he asked for your ok and wasn't upset by you saying no-better safe than sorry.

I know there needs to be trust in a marriage, but it's a lot easier to avoid temptation if it's not right there in your face. It's really easy to start chatting with someone, innocently catching up, and then cross the line without realizing it.

I'm not anti FB. I have one. This is just my opinion.

nicoleRI · February 2010

DH just assumed this weekend that I was FB friends with my first love- I told him I wasn't because I wouldn't never request him, but if he requested me I would think about it. He laughed at me and said "You are playing hard to get!" He totally trusts me and thinks it is funny- and he is right, I sort of am playing hard to get- I don't want to be the one to request him! Anyway, I have no idea if DH is friends with ex's but it wouldn't bother me. But like a pp said, he asked you, you told him how you felt- should be over. It is nice that he asked your opinion.

T1andT2 · February 2010

I would be impressed that my DH even asked. Mine wouldn't even ask, he'd just friend her. (as he has done) And then get pissy if I say something.

I think that since he asked, and you gave him an honest answer, that should be OK.

preg_amy · February 2010

Snowy_Owl:
Wow your 1st thought was that he'd cheat?
Why do you not trust him?
Depends on the situation - but typically I don't have an issue with FBing an ex.

This. We both have FB friends who are exes. And one of my exes is best friends with my DH, and we hang out with her and her SO all the time. And that's not as weird to us as it would be to someone else.

If he cheats on me with an ex, he could have just as easily cheated on me with someone else. I wouldn't be worried about it.

BartsGirl · February 2010

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. Mainly, because there is no reason for them to reconnect. You told him what you thought and I don't think there was anything wrong with that.

nicoleRI · February 2010

nicoleRI:
DH just assumed this weekend that I was FB friends with my first love- I told him I wasn't because I wouldn't never request him, but if he requested me I would think about it. He laughed at me and said "You are playing hard to get!" He totally trusts me and thinks it is funny- and he is right, I sort of am playing hard to get- I don't want to be the one to request him! Anyway, I have no idea if DH is friends with ex's but it wouldn't bother me. But like a pp said, he asked you, you told him how you felt- should be over. It is nice that he asked your opinion.

Wow, being up since 3am is taking its toll- I meant to say I would never request him- not the double negative!

LizzieandGar · February 2010

Do I think it was wrong of you -- no. He asked and he seemed to be genuinely concerned about your feelings on it. It would have been wrong if you lied.

I would have been completely fine with it, but that's just me. I have exes as friends on FB. I figure that we are adults, have our own lives, and there is nothing wrong with being friendly, but that doesn't work for everyone.

LizzieandGar · February 2010

preg_amy:

If he cheats on me with an ex, he could have just as easily cheated on me with someone else. I wouldn't be worried about it.

Also, this.

Pumpkin111 · February 2010

Yea - you did the right thing. I wouldn't be happy with him doing that. Why does he need to talk to or look at pictures of an ex?

And I trust my DH, but he dated a bunch of skank-bots back in the day. I don't need that kind of trash swooning over our awesome life. LOL

clp1027 · February 2010

I think FB is the cause of a lot of arguments regarding exes. I think friending exes is just asking for problems. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either.

J+O · February 2010

My H wouldn't have even asked, we have a strict no ex's in the picture clause

Bride2bMO · February 2010

I haven't friended any exes. I don't see the point. I have enough girlfriends and male friends with no romantic history to fulfill my friendship needs. But I know others feel differently.

FWIW, DH does have a smoking hot ex on his FB friends, and I do feel threatened by her...except that she lives in Spain. If there was not an ocean between them, I might not be ok with it.

GukesMary · February 2010

My first love sent me a friend request and I accepted. We just sent one message back and forth, "How's the family and life, etc?" Now nothing. Like you said, we're both married with our own families. It's just natural to be curious.

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