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Take your life together...
...one day at a time.
Thisis the first day of Mr. and Mrs. Peter Bigelow Sahlin Jr.'s officially blessedlife together. Yesterday they were married. Today they are married.
Already,one night is gone. Already the world has changed, and my friend's son and hisnew bride have changed, too, in obvious and in imperceptible ways.
Forlife does not stand still, not even when you're snapping photographs andwishing it would. The earth spins. Molecules whirl. A wedding is a day, a marriagea lifetime. But it, too, trundles past, the way a child grows, obviously andimperceptibly. You see, but you don't see. And when you do, you're stunned.
Icame across a picture last week, shot on my honeymoon, of me in a two-piecebathing suit, which my mother gave me. I never wore it in public. I chose ashamrock green, layered-in-fringe thing that came down to my knees instead.Cross my heart. I was that Catholic-schooled. And that silly.
Ilook at the photo of this foolish girl, and I remember her fondly. But I don'tremember being her. It's as if I read about her and her wedding in a book. Iremember details -- it was sunny and warm for January. My father took my arm,and led me out my front door. Outside the church, I saw my best friend, Rosemary.Inside, there was Ann Galvin with her class of fourth -graders, whom I wasstudent teaching. And there I am, my father beside me, walking down the aisle.
Andthere I am in a white bathing suit that never saw the light of day.
Butwho was I then?
Idon't know. I don't remember.
Andwhat about the boy I married? Who was he? I study our wedding picture hoping tosee more than that moment, hoping to connect that day with now. But what I seeis an earnest young man, in a tuxedo, trying but failing to look serious andold.
Iwas 20 on my wedding day, and my husband was 21. I loved fried bologna andmacaroni and cheese out of a can. He loved white bread cheese-and-buttersandwiches and Pepperidge Farm raspberry turnovers.
NowI shudder at the thought of canned macaroni. And he hasn't had white bread inyears.
Weused to play Scrabble and Boggle. He used to have hair. I used to have a waist.I loved the heat. Now I love air conditioning.
Wewere different people then.
Sohow do marriages survive when people change so much? How do two people growtired of so many things -- food, games, clothes, even a favorite place -- butnot each other?
Oneday at a time, that's how. One joke. One movie. One walk. One conversation. One``Remember when?" One midnight snack. One kiss. One night. One year.
Andone becomes two becomes a lifetime, and before you know it, you're standing inyour front hall staring at your wedding picture, wondering not just when foodin a can stopped tasting good, but how you got from then to now withoutlearning anything weighty and wise and professorial to pass down.
Todayis the first day of Peter and Becky Sahlin's life together. I would so like togive them some sage advice, but all I can give them is a few stories and a lotof love.
Andthis reminder: Remember what brought you here. Remember why you chose oneanother in the first place. Remind yourself, every day, of the love that hasled you to now.
Andbuild on this. It is a solid foundation that will get you through the hardtimes. And there will be hard times. They're like the weather. Once in a while,maybe more than once in a while, you'll go from clear blue skies with 100percent visibility to fog and drowning rain or high winds and blizzardconditions , and all you'll want to do is pack up and go back to where it's 80degrees with an ocean breeze 24/7.
Butthere is no place where it's always 80 degrees with an ocean breeze. Except inmemory. Except when you go back and remember how it was today.
Perfect.The new Mr. and Mrs.
Theearth spinning. Molecules whirling. Officially blessed, beginning a lifetogether, two people, now one couple, in love.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Take your life together...
pic by http://www.southernportraitanddesign.com/
It's funny when you think about it. But then, they'll go and do something to remind you they're absolutely the same person they were when you met.
Like eat half of the chocolates they gave you for Valentine's.
Same here! I notice almost everyday how different I am now than I was when I met DH over 7 years ago. You'd think with so much change, I'd be able to tell when it happened. But I'm seriously almost a completely different, but better person than I was then.
Thank you, Michelle, for sharing this with us!
Abigail Taylor 09.18.2008
Ditto this! I was just thinking about the same thing this weekend. I have changed so much.. but I have no idea when that all started.