Does anyone else feel like they missed out?

Sticky41284 · February 2010

It took me until Aric was just over 2 months old to realize I had PPD and I didn't start feeling better until just about a week ago. I feel like I missed out on Aric's first 3 months of his life. I missed out on the newborn phase because I was too focused on the fact that I failed as a mother due to my c/s.

I want to go back in time to the day he was born and start taking anti-depressants THAT DAY! I feel awful that I missed out on that.

I go back and look at pics and videos from that time to try and get caught up on what happened and I cry everytime. I'm just glad I started Lexapro when I did so I didn't miss any more!!

Anyone else feel that way?

*speedracer* · February 2010

yeah, kinda. i don't feel like i missed it, because i was definitely there, but i sure didn't enjoy it. I wish i had more pictures and happier memories of that time. i feel the same as you, i wonder what it'd be like if i had been on medication from the get-go.

Smudges*Mom · February 2010

I did miss a lot of LO's first 6 weeks. My delivery and recovery were really hard. I developed HELLP Syndrome, the most severe form of pre-e, had an emergency c-section then was returned to L&D for follow-up care for 36 hours before being transferred to the postpartum area. I did not hold my son until he was 28 hours old (but I was still quite sick and was afraid of dropping him). Once home, I developed PPD and PPA. I spent much of LO's first 6 weeks in bed, a crying and anxious mess. My family took care of LO (and me). DH came home for R&R when LO was 2 months old and I was still dealing with depression (despite having been on meds for about 6 weeks) and I spent most mornings in bed, crying and trying to sleep.

I'm trying very hard not to be bitter about the whole situation. I worked so damn hard to get pregnant (LO is an IVF baby) and DH was not home for the last half of my pregnancy and the delivery/recovery (he's in the military). So, yah, I feel like I missed out on a lot.

But, then I remember that I can choose to dwell on it and be unhappy or move on and appreciate our current health and happiness. There are days that I am better at being positive than others.

I hope that things continue to get better for you and that you are able to move beyond these current feelings. We can't go back and do it over again. Personally, I think that you figured out relatively quickly, by comparison, what was going on. Hang in there!

texmommy3 · February 2010

Yes! I completly lost out on DD2's babytime due to my anxiety. Luckily it hasn't fully set in this time, but still, I worry it will.

jessloveschase08 · February 2010

I wish I had been able to enjoy it more. I feel so horrible about all those times when he was by himself happy in his swing and I just sat there not knowing what to do with him...

a003vp · February 2010

Yes and no. The PPD drug that I was taking did nothing but over amplify my feelings of worry and depression. Me and my hubby noticed I would be better at night and then I would take my meds and be back at square one again. It was ironic that the nurses would say "with this medication you need your sleep, also you need to feed your child every 2-3 hrs because they don't know hunger at newborn stage" Because I was breastfeeding (and still am). I actually took my self off meds and been a lot "clearer". I have had moments when I say is this worth it now, after 6 months of BM, and I still come up with yes it is!

After one year I am going to put myself back on medication and be back to "normal", though I am going to find better PPD drugs for BF'ing that allows myself to feel better with out the sleep deprivation.

riv08 · February 2010

Yeah, I feel that I wasn't all there the first 3 months. I wish I could go back in time and admit that I had it the first day after delivery

gmugrad9 · February 2010

My PPD was directed at my DH. I thought it was baby blues or hormones and just get better over time. It took me a year to feel like myself again. I feel like while DD had me that first year my DH missed out on his family because I really felt like I hated him and never wanted him to be around me. I thought about divorce even because the sight of him made me somad, but he didn't do anything to warrant my feelings. I cancelled trips we were to go on, I refused to go out on dates with him and my life became nothing but work and DD. It makes me feel so sad that I was so close to thrrowing what we had away because it hought PPD was about how I felt about the baby. Finally at my one year check up i talked about how different I felt and everything and my doctor asked why I never mentioned it before. I said I felt that i was just married to a jerk. Huge mistake by me. Since then we have been trying to make up for lost time but i feel like I cost DD a really loving home even though I loved her and DH loved her that first year we were two strangers livign together raising our DD.

This time around my doctor is keeping an eye on how I feel and DH is going to appointments with me to listen and talk too.

just_peachy · February 2010

It is so sad to say that I don't remember much about the first 8 weeks of his life. I am only now, after 3 weeks, starting to feel semi-normal again and even that is a far stretch.

There was a big celebration around me, it was about my baby being born. I wish I attended but I was in a dark place.

Hormones, Lack of Sleep and being a sufferer of severe Anxiety/Nerves & Depression to begin with made me a perfect target for a PPA & PPD meltdown.

I wish I could rewind the past 12 weeks and ENJOY it this time.

erbear · February 2010

I do.

I was never officially diagnosed, but I am 99% sure I had/have PPD. I was miserable for the first 5 months of her life and it took me that long to really bond with her. I kick myself sometimes that I didn't do something to get treated earlier because I feel like I missed that early bonding

I'm defintiely paying closer attention with #2.

J+O · February 2010

I wish I could go back. I honestly don't remember a lot the first few months... and I know I was really sad and didn't enjoy them. I told my sister today, who just had a baby I wish I could go back

Temp449052375008045 · February 2010

Oh yes. I feel like I missed the first 9 months of DS' life. I look back at his infant pictures and wish I could have enjoyed that time because I know I should have.

DrCsWife2b · February 2010

gmugrad9:

My PPD was directed at my DH. I thought it was baby blues or hormones and just get better over time. It took me a year to feel like myself again. I feel like while DD had me that first year my DH missed out on his family because I really felt like I hated him and never wanted him to be around me. I thought about divorce even because the sight of him made me somad, but he didn't do anything to warrant my feelings. I cancelled trips we were to go on, I refused to go out on dates with him and my life became nothing but work and DD. It makes me feel so sad that I was so close to thrrowing what we had away because it hought PPD was about how I felt about the baby. Finally at my one year check up i talked about how different I felt and everything and my doctor asked why I never mentioned it before. I said I felt that i was just married to a jerk. Huge mistake by me. Since then we have been trying to make up for lost time but i feel like I cost DD a really loving home even though I loved her and DH loved her that first year we were two strangers livign together raising our DD.

This time around my doctor is keeping an eye on how I feel and DH is going to appointments with me to listen and talk too.

You give me hope.

Sticky41284 · February 2010

Thank you for the responses, ladies. It helps to know I'm not alone out there

cerad5 · February 2010

I do feel like I missed out a bit. But I can't let myself focus on that, so I try to be as positive as I can and remind myself that I did get help and I am continuing to get help. Try not to be so hard on yourself

lvisser · February 2010

Yes. When I look back at Rylee's first 6 weeks... I consider them to be the darkest 6 weeks of my life.

I was determined to NOT let that happen this time around and started Prozac at 12 weeks pregnant (had major anxiety). I was able to fully enjoy Kai's first few weeks.

LauraandMatt · February 2010

I agree wholeheartedly, when I look at pics after my DS was born, they bring a wave of anxious sadness that I felt at that time and it makes me so mad that I don't have the happy feelings. So far this time, I think that I am escaping PPD, but I have a different life now and a great support system in my close friends who are all going through the same thing!

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