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f/u to still going out ? (bit of a rant too)

tkobelletkobelle
in 3rd Trimester

So first of all THANK YOU to all of you wonderful ladies who helped me with this one.

I called DH about it a little earlier and I told him that I would feel more comfortable if we went to dinner and let them go out somewhere afterwards and he agreed and said he would tell FIL the news...

Than I get a call from FIL asking me why I am being "one of those pregnant girls" and why can't I just get over it? He actually said the following "I mean I smoke and so did the two of you kids before you got pregnant and don't think that once Cooper gets here I'm going to stop smoking"

To which I replied "No I don't think you will stop smoking but I KNOW you will not smoke around my son."

FIL: "You just need to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. You don't make the decisions in this family anyway and I think its sad that [DH] wont put his foot down with you. We are going out tonight so I will see you when we get there." Then he hung up.

He will sure be disappointed when he gets here and I am still in my pj's! DH can definately go if he wants to but there is no way in HECK I am going now!

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Re: f/u to still going out ? (bit of a rant too)

  • blckwhtyllwgirlblckwhtyllwgirl member
    What an a**hole. I'm sorry you have to deal with suck a jerk. I wouldn't want to be around someone that smokes either - and no one will be allowed to smoke around LO. That is a non-negotiable.
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  • Jitterbug2668Jitterbug2668 member
    Wow.  Granted both my MIL and FIL smoke they know they will not be smoking around LO.  Glad your DH backed you!
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  • ChicagoKariChicagoKari
    I cannot believe your FIL spoke to you like that!!  I'm speechless....and would do exactly what you plan...greet them in my pj's. Angry
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  • FutureMrsDavidsonFutureMrsDavidson
    What a jerk face. I would have had to say some choice words to him. He seems like the FIL from hell.
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  • evaseckaevasecka
    good for you! Glad DH stepped up and said something to him! I would still go out to eat and then stick to your guns after dinner, don't give him another reason to be an ass. I mean I completely see where you are coming from not wanting to even go out to eat but I would just to show him. Plus I would tell him that you do have your big girl panties on and thats why you put your foot down about exposing your child to second hand smoke and if he were being a good grandfather he should be just as concerned about the health of his grandson!!!!! Just my opinion, my FIL is such an ass, he text us to tell us Merry Christmas and on our ds#1 bday, can you imagine a text to my 4 year old that say Happy Birthday! I was pissed but not at all suprised.
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  • BFab11BFab11 member
    What a jerk!!! I don't even know how to respond... What did dh say about it?
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  • tkobelletkobelle
    DH backs me - he said we should still go out to eat and make FIL pay for it but during dinner he wants to have a serious conversation with FIL about what we both expect once our son gets here. I said I would think about it. I'm still really mad at that man for being such a pr1ck and I don't think I can honestly be around him for very long without going off on him! I have kept my mouth shut for 2 years with him..... Hormones are a great excuse for letting him have it now though!
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  • sapgirl76sapgirl76 member
    Your FIL is a total douchebag for talking to you that way and I really hope your husband lets him know that.  There is no way in hell I would let my FIL talk to me the way he talked to you.  I'm so sorry.
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  • Battlebaby09Battlebaby09
    LOL you stand your ground girlfriend! I wouldn't go either and no DH shouldn't put his foot down. It it weren't his father I would say he should shove it up his booty (nicer term). And you do make the decisions about what involves your child so he can get over it. 
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  • Lauryn216Lauryn216
    Wow, if my FIL ever talked to me like that, DH would FLIP out on him. There is just no way I would put up with that. Glad you have a DH who is standing up for you.
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  • laumholllaumholl
    What an old fart! I would definitely stay home too. DH should be embarrassed that his dad would talk to you that way. Makes me feel sorry for you MIL. He should probably put on his anti-douchebag boxers and stop being mean to the pregnant lady!
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  • americanadaamericanada
    ewww.  he sounds like a male chauvinist pig!  sorry you have to deal with that.  good for you for being strong.
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  • nicanmattnicanmatt

    My Dh would be more angry than i would be if my FIL pulled something like that.  Not only did your DH talk to him, but the fact that FIL disregarded/disrespected DH and called you behind his back would cause a serious ripple effect.  Needless to say, DH would have already called FIL and we would not be going out for dinner at all.

    Not only does your DH need to talk to your FIL about expectations for the baby, but he needs to tell your FIL that he is in no way allowed to speak to you like that.  Behind his back or otherwise.

    And the next time he calls and starts to talk to you like this, tell him he needs to call your DH and hang up.

    I mean, what did FIL even say to your DH?  Why didn't he say any of this to him instead of calling you?!  Idiot!

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  • CiconradCiconrad member
    Well it sounds like your DH is being awesome and handling it appropriately and totally backing you up.  I have ILs who can be very pushy as well and luckily my DH also backs me up and stands up to them.  Trust me, start setting the boundaries now because it only gets worse when the baby arrives.  Eventually they will understand that you guys mean what you say.
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  • StrawberryAlarmClockStrawberryAlarmClock member
    Indifferent What a childish attitude. Did you tell DH that FIL told you off like that?! Wow.
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  • MrsJax09MrsJax09
    imagetkobelle:

    FIL: "You just need to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. You don't make the decisions in this family anyway and I think its sad that [DH] wont put his foot down with you. We are going out tonight so I will see you when we get there." Then he hung up.

    Well here is the good news: You and you DH DO get to make decisions for YOUR family, which is you two and your DS. If you don't want smoke around the baby then they are to deal with it.

    I know DH is now a non-smoker (quit after my BFP) but even when he was smoking he respected that I was no longer and he went outside. Now that he doesn't he makes sure his friends smoke on the deck too. If your FIL cannot respect the wishes of your family (including his own son) then he doesn't need to be around. I hate to say it like that but there is no reason for your DS to see you be disrespected in such a way by your FIL!

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