Probably joinin this group =( but not sure...WDYT?

RickeyandDani · February 2010

Tomorrow is DS's 2 week check up and I'm thinking about bringing up possible PPD. Each day that goes by I feel worse. I have a long history of depression and anxiety. I was on 2 different meds at one point. The feelings/physical stuff that I've been experiencing replicate one of my depressive episodes from the past. I just don't know if it's baby blues though.

I'm deeply troubled with my lack of "wanting" to be a mother. My whole life I wanted nothing more then my own child (I have 9 nephews and nieces - even 2 sets of twins in there - and never had ANY problems feeling motherly). I'm so anxious about DH going back to work tomorrow. I'm terrified of being alone with with DS. It's so bad I don't want to even hold him. WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!!! It's not a matter of me being afraid to hurt him...I just have no desire to be a mom.

DH has been hugging me and constantly praising me telling me I'm going to be an awesome mom. I have no desires to even have him touch me. It's all I can do to even force myself to eat. I think of food and get nauseous.

Could this still be baby blues or does it seem more?

TIA for reading this and answering

ss1971 · February 2010

Talk to your doctor. They can help you. I spoke to my doctor when my daughter was about 8 days old. I had so much anxiety that I never slept (even though I was exhausted) and I never ate. I was terrified of nighttime (what if she screamed all night? What if she gets sick?). It was a horrible way to live and feel, and I cried non stop. I called my doctor and got help. They referred me to a counselor and I was put on some meds.

Having a newborn is wonderful.....but it is terrifying! I don't think people tell you this....and one can never truly prepare.

NOTHING is wrong with you. If fact, it sounds like you are in touch with your feelings....and that you know you have concerns that should be addressed. That is a huge first step. Good luck and hang in there!!!

*speedracer* · February 2010

it's hard to tell that early if it's ppd or baby blues but if you even suspect it i'd mention it to your dr ASAP so you can start the process of getting help, because it does take awhile for treatments to make you feel better.

For the first several months, i did not want to take care of my son. I did, out of duty, but i loathed it and became anxious every time he stirred to eat. i felt like having him was a huge mistake and i couldn't understand why giving a baby up (like for adoption) would be so hard, because i felt like i could do that with no regrets. i felt awful for feeling like that, because i knew it wasn't normal, but i couldn't stop those thoughts.

when my parents came to visit, i let them tend to him, and i cleaned the house and ran errands, because it made me feel better, more like myself. hearing about happy new moms just burned me, because it seemed like i was the only one who didn't have an instant bond; i didn't feel like i loved him.

i'm telling you this to let you know that you're definitely not alone. therapy and medication helped me immensely. i set a goal of leaving the house once a day, and even though i didn't accomplish it every day, it helped a lot too. feel free to vent here anytime.

RickeyandDani · February 2010

*speedracer*:

it's hard to tell that early if it's ppd or baby blues but if you even suspect it i'd mention it to your dr ASAP so you can start the process of getting help, because it does take awhile for treatments to make you feel better.

For the first several months, i did not want to take care of my son. I did, out of duty, but i loathed it and became anxious every time he stirred to eat. i felt like having him was a huge mistake and i couldn't understand why giving a baby up (like for adoption) would be so hard, because i felt like i could do that with no regrets. i felt awful for feeling like that, because i knew it wasn't normal, but i couldn't stop those thoughts.

when my parents came to visit, i let them tend to him, and i cleaned the house and ran errands, because it made me feel better, more like myself. hearing about happy new moms just burned me, because it seemed like i was the only one who didn't have an instant bond; i didn't feel like i loved him.

i'm telling you this to let you know that you're definitely not alone. therapy and medication helped me immensely. i set a goal of leaving the house once a day, and even though i didn't accomplish it every day, it helped a lot too. feel free to vent here anytime.

The part I bolded REALLY describes me, infact I have the same thoughts about adoption. WTF?! Why am I thinking like that?!!!!! Sad

orleyl · February 2010

Sounds like PPD, def talk to your doc.

*speedracer* · February 2010

RickeyandDani:
*speedracer*:

it's hard to tell that early if it's ppd or baby blues but if you even suspect it i'd mention it to your dr ASAP so you can start the process of getting help, because it does take awhile for treatments to make you feel better.

For the first several months, i did not want to take care of my son. I did, out of duty, but i loathed it and became anxious every time he stirred to eat. i felt like having him was a huge mistake and i couldn't understand why giving a baby up (like for adoption) would be so hard, because i felt like i could do that with no regrets. i felt awful for feeling like that, because i knew it wasn't normal, but i couldn't stop those thoughts.

when my parents came to visit, i let them tend to him, and i cleaned the house and ran errands, because it made me feel better, more like myself. hearing about happy new moms just burned me, because it seemed like i was the only one who didn't have an instant bond; i didn't feel like i loved him.

i'm telling you this to let you know that you're definitely not alone. therapy and medication helped me immensely. i set a goal of leaving the house once a day, and even though i didn't accomplish it every day, it helped a lot too. feel free to vent here anytime.

The part I bolded REALLY describes me, infact I have the same thoughts about adoption. WTF?! Why am I thinking like that?!!!!!

yep. PPD is so weird with how it messes with your head. I mean, we all KNOW on a logical level those thoughts are irrational, and yet you can't always stop them. i went to a PPD support group and hearing other women say things like that made me feel 1000x better. just being aware that you have these thoughts and you don't like them is a big step. the next step is getting help, so even though your post partum appointment isn't for a few more weeks, please call now so you can start getting meds. my biggest regret was waiting so long the first time, there is no need to suffer like that!

(hugs)

edited to add: since you have a history with multiple antidepressants, see if you can get an appointment with a psychiatrist. I got my initial meds from my OB but wasn't happy with the two standard ones they prescribe, so i wanted to see a real antidepressant expert. by the time i figured that out, I learned there was a 2 month wait to get in to see a psychiatrist. if you don't already have one you're established with, ask for recommendations from your OB. you can make the appointment, and if you end up not needing it when that time comes, awesome. but if you do, you'll have that in place and you'll be so happy you did it.

RickeyandDani · February 2010

Thank you so much ladies for all your well thought out responses. It helps to know I'm not alone.

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