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Are we the only family going through this? (money related)
I ask because DH and I have hit a crossroad and I feel completely hopeless, scared, lost and confused. Just recently, everyhing has hit us all at once. My student loans came off deferment, our gas and electric "budgets" doubled, we recently had to start paying for daycare, and we are utterly broke. Literally, we have $3.63 cents in the bank, no savings, in debt up to our ears from the sale of our home and have been putting gas, prescription meds, and groceries on our CC which is maxed out. We have tried to cut everywhere we possibly could, but there are no other places we can cut. We are in the "red" every single month, can barely feed ourselves, and we both work full time all week and have nothing to show for it. Before you flame me, we tried to plan as best we could before the baby came. Then all of a sudden, everything hit us at once. Property taxes, and unexpected bills just dropped on us. We dont have any family or friends in the area so its just us and the baby and it is hard. We cant ask family for help because we arent all that close to our families and they are 1000 miles away. It is all we think about and consumes us and its impossible to sleep or think about anything else. The stress of a new baby and being flat broke all the time is taking its toll.
We work hard and are decent honest people and have just hit a very rough spot. We are VERY good with our money as far as not eating out, shopping, or buying useless things. We basically work to keep a roof over our heads and have zero $$ for anything else. Ever. For the first time, I had to wash a few bibs for my DD for daycare with soap in the sink because we have no money for laundry soap. It is starting to depress me to no end. I am crying every night and am tired of trying to figure out which bill NOT to pay this month because we cant pay them all. Anyone else going though financial problems? Please tell me I am not alone. I feel bad for my DD sometimes and wonder what the hell have we brought her into........You would look at us and think we have it all together, but that is so far from the truth. .
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Re: Are we the only family going through this? (money related)
You are definitely NOT alone at all.
First off....huge hugs. Secondly, take a deep breath, sit down with everything, and figure this out. You can put student loans on delayed payments or get the payments reduced if you are having hardships. Call the power co, etc and see if they can help with your bills. I know we have Dominion power, and they have 'donation' accounts that you can apply to for assistance. Or go to churchs, etc and see if they have utility help.
Do you qualify for WIC? Look into that, and look and see what food banks are open in your area. We ALL need help from time to time, and this is your time. Don't be afraid to ask/seek the help you need.
(((hugs)))
We've definitely had our share of tough times. It was scary and made me wish I could be a kid again! It's so much easier when someone else can take care of all of that stuff for you. ;-)
Do you have federal student loans? If so, you can ask for another deferment. They are very liberal with them.
I wish I had some advice- I am sorry you are in that situation and hope something changes for you soon. I agree with posting your budget on Money matters - they usually have good advice.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. My advice would be to call all your creditors. Try to get your student loans defered. Call your credit card companies and utilities. See if you can be put on payment plans. Just talk to them about your situation and see what they can do for you.
Also talk to your daycare. I freaked out when DH lost his job and was worried that we wouldn't be able to pay for R's daycare. I really didn't want to pull her out because it is an excellent daycare and I didn't want to loose her spot. The daycare agreed to grant us a scholarship and reduced her tution to 1/2 price for 6 weeks. We ended up not using the scholarship because DH got a good severance package but it was so nice to know that they were willing to work with us. Maybe your daycare could do something similar? Good luck!!
Hugs and ditto what they said.
Also, try checking out Money Matters and some other places and see if there are even more ways to cut back you haven't thought of. Here are a few we do (money's not tight but we are cheap):
Shop at Aldi if you have one. Great groceries and much cheaper.
Check the reduced price rack at the produce store if they have one in your area.
What do you keep the thermostat at? We keep ours at 64/65 and lower if we aren't there. Keep it as low as you can stand.
Generic, generic, generic. We use all generic laundry soap, dish soap, diapers, etc.
Also, it sounds like you've already done this, but think about things you really could LIVE without, like cable, netflix, DVR, etc. Every little bit helps.
Are you involved in a church/synagogue/mosque/etc.? They could have a food bank or benevolence program.
Do you have anything you could sell on craigslist or ebay?
Also--talk to the credit card company about a new repayment plan. They often times will lower your interest rate, etc. And there are nonprofit groups that do loan consolidation.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes being an adult just sucks.
Hugs-- I'm sure all of this is really overwhelming. And you sound like you've hit a wall. The best thing to do is take a step back and figure out what you can do next. I'd post on Money Matters and maybe also pick up a Suze Orman book at the library.
Best wishes-- this is a tough time right now and you are not alone.
((BIG HUGS))
If you're in a traditional daycare, maybe pull her out and look for in-home sitters. They're usually cheaper.
You're not close to your family? I bet they WANT to be close to you or at least your DD. Just try asking. I almost cried in the airport one time b/c this woman was flying across the country to watch her grandkids b/c her daughter was at her breaking point. I was eavesdropping big time. But it was so sweet.
Can you bring in a renter to help with your mortgage? Get a cheaper car?
Start applying for better paying jobs too. I know that it sounds like a lost cause in this economy but you never know unless you try.
Good luck. Some day soon you'll make it out on the other side and be very proud of yourselves!!
Google social services and food banks in your area immediately. And see if you can get on welfare or get your kid in to a low-income daycare.
It sucks, I am sorry.
All wonderful ideas. Definitly do what the PP have said with your CC & loans. A lot of CC companies will work with you. They want to get paid so they will do what they can to make sure they do. I know of a friend who is paying her CC interest free right now. Call. You'd be surprised what you can work out.
Call the electric company & gas company & talk to them about going on a budget if you aren't on one now.
Turn your cable/internet off. Phones as well if you have cell phones & get good reception in your home. Always keep a regular corded phone in your home for emergencies.
If you are having a hard time paying your mortgage see if you qualify for help with it. That or a modified mortgage plan.
Grocieries, check out https://www.angelfoodministries.com/ for local churches in your area. You can get a weeks worth of groceries for $40 that will feed a family of 4. Shop Aldi. Get generic. Shop sales & cut coupons.
Sadley you are not alone. A lot of people are struggling in todays economy. Hang in there. Your little one has good parents. You are going to be ok.
I lived most of my childhood in financial harships that were very obvious....there were times we didn't have gas, which meant no stove for cooking or hot water, no heat...and we lived in buffalo NY..COLD! Family members had to buy my family groceries...in the end its family help that got my parents through, but here are some things my parents did to make ends meet with 3 kids:
- My mom SAHM for a few yrs, 5 I think to eliminate the cost of daycare, apparently this was an option for my parents, may not be for you.
- Shopped at Aldi's and buy cheaper food. Store brand only. My family lived off of ground beef, pasta, frozen fishsticks, chicken nuggets, hotdogs, canned fruits, beans, bagged cereal, potato meals, fresh produce was pretty much non existant
-If you're not BF'ing, switch to a store brand formula, they're the same nutritionally but 1/2 the price.
- My sisters were on WIC until the age of 5, see if you qualify for this, but I'm going to guess probably not as the income bracet is pretty low.
- NY state had a program called HEAT, where they would pay half of your heating bill in the winter, maybe your state also has something like this?
- Defer your student loans again if you can, call and beg if you have to
- call your CC compaines, they usually have hardship plans, especially as of late
- Electric companies usually have plans where you pay the same amount every month, I forget what its called. My DH swears you only pay the same amount all year but I'm pretty sure you have to pay the difference of what you actually used at teh end of the cycle, which means you pay more $$ at the end of the year...but see if you electric company has this option and what it all entails.
- I know our daycare has assisted tuition program, see if your daycare does as well
I know it SUCKS to have to ask for help, you feel like you're asking for handouts but the truth is in this economy its very common and there is more help than ever out there right now. SO look into some of the ideas and options people have suggested. Things WILL get better.
Hang in there. It can happen to anyone.
You are getting some great suggestions. Check into federal and state programs for home heating assistance (ours is called LIHEAP in our state). Find your discount grocery stores.
Have you looked into Angel Food Ministries? It is not free, but you get a weeks worth of groceries for $30. Just google them and you can find the location closest to you. DH and I have been using them for the past few months while he has been unemployed.
If this is not within your budget, call a local church and ask for your community food bank--most communities have them, and this is EXACTLY what they are for!
I also agree with talking to your daycare. I was very honest and open with our center's director about our situation, and nearly cried in her office. She pulled some strings for us and gave us about a 40% discount so that we didn't have to pull the kids while DH was unemployed. That helped DH be able to go on job interviews at the spur of the moment.
Big hugs. I would also direct you over to the Money Management board, but be prepared to have your budget picked apart to death. If you have cable, multiple phone lines, or anything that doesn't make sense, they'll nail you on it! It is a humbling experience.
You are definately not alone. I would recommend going over to the nest money board and posting your budget over there, those girls are great.
As for your student loans can you do a financial forbearance for now? If possible maybe that will buy you some time to get caught up.
Anything you can cut cut. For example, rent movies from the libary not from the stores, cut cable, if you have cell phones turn off the land line, can you and your DH carpool to work? Use coupons for everythig never go to the store without a list.
Have you done your taxes yet. Get those done now. The cost of seeling your house should help you there. If you get a decent return (with the new baby and such) more then 1500 take 1K and but it into savings (emergency fund) and then start snow balling your debt.
You are not alone and there is a way out. Defiantely talk to the girls on the money board
I'm mostly a lurker on this board because I don't have a child yet, but wanted to give you my two cents. Depending on your debts, and your feelings on the issue, bankruptcy may be a good option. Otherwise, the other suggestions you have gotten are great. My best advice is to contact all of your creditors and stay in touch with them regarding your hardships. Good luck to you.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone, that so many of us are struggling right now. Definetly talk to the money matters board, I've gone there a few times and they are SO helpful!
I think this could be a good wake-up call for you and your DH. You have a daughter and you hate how you feel right now, so do what you can to fix it, so she never knows how broke you were when she was a few months old.
Do you have a monthly budget written out? I have a really good budget template if you want it, just PM me.
Everyone has given you really good suggestions and you might want to consider filing bankruptcy if you're so buried and you can't get out.
It is horrible to be in the position you're in but there are so many resources out there. Call your church and talk to your pastor. They will help you locate a financial advisor (maybe a member of the church will help you for free), get help with food. It sounds like you need to be on some charitable assistance right which is OK! One day, when you're back on your feet, you can help someone else out.
You just have to stay positive and tell your DH you will get out from under this and you two will survive. All families have had hard times before. This will be a test on your marriage. If you two can survive this, you can survive almost anything. stay strong.
I am only a lurker but I wanted to let you know that if you are that bad off finacially you can appeal to have your loans deferred farther. I would recommend paying the interest. It's really easy, I know with mine you can do it online. Call them, it's worth it and they are very understanding especially with the economy the way it is!
It's going to be ok, I'll be praying for you and your family!!!
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Hi! You are def. not alone. I got pregnant in my last semester of school, after DH and I had maxed out several credit cards through 7 years of school (we did not plan well, and were irresponsible), well its biting us in the ass now that I finally have a great job and every penny goes to bills. My loans are in forbearance while I get some of the medical bills paid off--luckily, we were able to qualify for state assistance since I was unemployed for about 6 months before baby to help with some of those bills. When my forbearance runs out, I applied for a graduated repayment--my payment went from 1,000 to $400 and in 4 years Ill have to pay $900/month. Hopefully by then I will have gotten some great raises! :-)
We also have 2 credit cards that we worked out a deal with--paying about $100/month (vs. $300) interest free for a year. That helps us while we are trying to figure everything out.
Before I was working, I frequently had to call the electric company and ask if we could pay 2 weeks later, etc. They were always very helpful.
Good Luck!
P.S. In my experience, the people on money matters are judgers who gave me a hard time for being irresponsible in the past even though I am no longer!~