does this happen to you and how do you handle it? (favoring 1 twin over the other)

Mrs.Babbsy · February 2010

I think my MIL is favoring 1 LO over the other and it's really starting to piss me off. Not only is she doing this, but she holds her so much it seems to be spoiling her and she cries when she is not being held. She watched them one day last week and it's taken me 5-6 days to get it back to normal again. I know right now the other one can't see what's going on, but sooner or later she will.

I am seriously considering not letting my MIL babysit, which will crush her, but I can't have both of the things happening.

Breenie29 · February 2010

I had a similar situation with my triplets. My MIL was favoring one of them, and the same thing happened, she held him so much that he was spoiled and it took a long time to get him back to normal. And as you know with multiples, it's hard when one always wants to be held, because there's only one of you.

Anyways, my DH discussed it with her, and she became totally defensive and they had a huge blow out. (Sorry, I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear But that was just before Christmas, and things are better now. She still kinda favors him, but tries to do it discretely. But she no longer watches the babies on her own. It is kinda sad, but we had to do what was right for our family. It's not like she is never allowed to see the babies, she sees them all the time, we just don't leave her alone with them.

I think you need to discuss this with your DH, and then both of you need to sit down with MIL. Like I said, you need to do what's best for your family. I know it's a crappy situation, sorry you have to go through this

Good luck....

Mrs.Babbsy · February 2010

I don't get how you can favor one? It sucks, she is suppose to watch the Saturday night and we are going to talk to her before hand. I can't have one needing to be help all the time. It's too hard and I am sure the babysitter doesn't apperciate it either.

I think it's pretty mean she favors one. How do you not love them equally?

I am so irritated and may just cancel plans Saturday.

kimby3679 · February 2010

my MIL favors boys in general. There are a lot of times that when theyr'e babysitting DS will be downstairs with her and DD will be up w/ SIL (they live together). She has been a lot better about this, although she does occasionally have snarky comments for me about "spoiling" DD b/c she cries when I leave. Did I mention that H and my nephew both expect to be served their meals b/c of her? Not that that really happens in my house, but still.And SIL's openly admit to their mom's behavior!

jennyvag · February 2010

I went through this with my sister AND my FIL. In both instances, I called them out on it and asked that they stop. Both denied it, but I was extremely up-front about it & told them that it's going to cause trouble in the future. Both stopped favoring the one baby, but it did take a while. When they'd go to grab the favorite, I'd take him and give them the other baby.

Now that they're older, both babies are loved equally -- how could you NOT love them equally?!

Good luck, it's a tough situation, but my recommendation is to call her out on it and let her know that it isn't fair to the other baby. She'll probably deny it, but at least it's out there. GL!

BelleBaby · February 2010

Mine doesn't really seem to favor one over the other. But she does hold them too much when she visits. We have to tell her every time not to do it because it takes us days to get them back into their routine after she visits for just a few hours.

On another note, LOVE the Thing 1 and Thing 2. Here's mine from Halloween:

macchiatto · February 2010

That is a tough situation.

I would discuss it (gently, so she doesn't get defensive) with your MIL.

Temp159135562506975 · February 2010

i would talk to her - just let her know it's a feeling you have and it upsets you - don't "accuse" her - she might not have any idea she does it - but if she knows you are feeling sad about it- will try to compensate and give them both the same attention more.

as for spoiling and holding babies- you can't dictate how someone is with your babies when they are babysitting --- at least that is how i feel... if someone is kind enough to babysit (for free no less) I don't care what they do- as long as it's not going to physically/emotionally hurt my children.... a little spoiling one day a week or less will not make my children rotton.

jlh123 · February 2010

My whole family favors my son over my daughter. I think though it's because I was so overprotective of her with her history of desat episodes. No one wanted to hold her in the NICU (nor would I really let them) because she would have an episode and scared everyone. My son was so easy, he even came home much earlier than my daughter so everyone bonded with him. Then when she came home she was a lot of extra care and work, so they all went to him. Now that she is completely fine and caught up with my son, it still goes on a bit. I need to have a talk with them. They think she's cute and everything but they all still pick him up first.

Temp6313048411121614 · February 2010

I'm sorry, that really sucks. I was afraid of that happening and said something before they were even born (about favoring one twin over the other, or favoring the twins over DS1, or DS1 over the twins). So far I haven't seen any favoritism, if I did something would be said in a heartbeat. Children can pick up on that from a very early age, my paternal grandmother CLEARLY favored my cousin and it was always obvious to me.

KatieLW · February 2010

I just don't see how that could happen - they are both so darn cute! Love the pic

macchiatto · February 2010

True, they really are adorable.

And I love their names! I really liked Calista and wanted to consider it but DH vetoed it. :P (We have VERY different taste in names and didn't manage to agree on names for our boys till the day before my induction.

)

Panda53321 · February 2010

Goldie_Locks_5:

as for spoiling and holding babies- you can't dictate how someone is with your babies when they are babysitting --- at least that is how i feel... if someone is kind enough to babysit (for free no less) I don't care what they do- as long as it's not going to physically/emotionally hurt my children.... a little spoiling one day a week or less will not make my children rotton.

This!!!!! I would have a problem with them not being treated "equally" but Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles etc are supposed to be the spoilers.

Panda53321 · February 2010

Goldie_Locks_5:

i would talk to her - just let her know it's a feeling you have and it upsets you - don't "accuse" her - she might not have any idea she does it - but if she knows you are feeling sad about it- will try to compensate and give them both the same attention more.

as for spoiling and holding babies- you can't dictate how someone is with your babies when they are babysitting --- at least that is how i feel... if someone is kind enough to babysit (for free no less) I don't care what they do- as long as it's not going to physically/emotionally hurt my children.... a little spoiling one day a week or less will not make my children rotton.

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does this happen to you and how do you handle it? (favoring 1 twin over the other)

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