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Why do people do this? [vent-ish]

adcffaaadcffaa member
in 3rd Trimester

They ask a pregnant woman "What are you going to name the baby?" then you tell them and they say "Oh, I don't like that name. You should name it [insert-name-here]" Excuse me but the father-to-be and I spent months trying to come up with a name we agree on so if you don't like the kid's name, give him/her a nick name and shut up about it. (Haven't gone through this one yet but know a lof of women who have)

Or they ask "Are you going to have any pain management?" and you tell them "I would like to go as natural as possible but I've never been through the pains of labor before so of course if I need something I'll get it." And they reply with "Oh you'll need it, just tell your doctor you want the epidural and this and that. Otherwise you'll never want anymore children." There have been plenty of women who didn't "need" an epidural or any other kind of pain relievers and turned out just fine and went on to have more children the same way. (This was mine and my sister's conversation earlier.)

Or when you tell someone you don't plan on getting an epidural/pain meds and they say "I don't see why some women feel they have to 'prove themselves'. Just get the epidural and get on with your life already". The decision to not have pain meds had nothing to do with "proving myself", it has to do with ever since I was a kid I never took unnecessary medication and if the epidural isn't necessary in my case I'm not going to take it. (This conversation happened between me and a friend the other day)

OK, vent over...I think. lol

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Re: Why do people do this? [vent-ish]

  • CTL2005CTL2005 member

    I think people say all of the above because they are self-interested and ask you questions as a means of telling you names they like or how they choose or would choose to give birth.

     

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  • wmthorpe0815wmthorpe0815
    because they cant keep their noses out of your business. Whenever they comment on something I say I just smile and turn away. Or I will say thats how you do things but I know me and this is how I am going to do it. Name comments I have given up on. I roll my eyes everytime someone has a comment on babies name. I could care less if they like it. Just think of it as they are jealous they didnt come up with the name. The drug thing is a lost cause because everytime i mention drug free i get a huge long speech about how im crazy and that i will give in blah blah blah. People are dumb and inconsiderate to other people feelings
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  • laumholllaumholl
    I agree with the whole epidural thing. When I told my mom I really didn't want to have one unless I was absolutely dying in pain she just said "Oh good lord...I don't know if I can see you in that much pain! Are you sure you can handle it?!" Yes mother...I think I'll live either way. Then she asked me what I was going to do if I needed a c section...in my head I was thinking *Oh well...I just figured I'd bite the bullet and let em slice me wide open whilst I grin and bear it...* Of course I'll have to have a spinal, DUH. But since then she's been seeking out people who went natural and has found quite a few! Always trying to be helpful.
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  • lpstllpstl member

    I've had all of those conversations, and I'm getting really, really sick of it. Virtually none of my family or friends are supportive of a med free birth, and while most of them think they're just giving me a hard time and it's funny, it really takes its toll.

    I completely lost it over christmas, I'm pretty sure my family is scared to mention anything about it now. The friends are a separate issue, part of me wishes I had just lied and told everyone I was going to get the epi.

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  • KateLouiseKateLouise member

    We never divulged names. We were just always vague and said we were still arguing over it.

    The pain relief one really got to me too. Obviously everyone's experience of labour is different and going into it you might have one plan that changes on the day but the "plan" is a really personal choice and no one should be judged for their choice.

     I too planned for a natural birth and ended up using gas while I was pushing.

    I never needed an epidural or any other drug and if the gas hadn't been available I'm sure I could have done without that too, but it was good to use.

    I wasn't being tough or trying to cope without other pain relief, I just honestly never hit a point where I thought I need something more.

    So that was my plan, but I don't denigrate women who have another plan. I would never think, "oh you're planning an epidural, you're being a big wuss" Quite frankly I don't care how you get your baby out of your body.

    So why is it ok to judge women who plan to go natural and make assumptions that we're trying to prove something. Birth is really one of those times where your body takes over and trying to prove anything is the last thing on your mind.

     

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  • ChristinaD09ChristinaD09

    I was shocked to discover that my mother is 100% supportive of natural birth.  She says it was all the rage back in her hippy days as well.  ;)  So no epi for her. 

    Sorry that was a random aside.  I've been lucky because every woman in my life has been supporting of the natural birth idea.  My MIL had an epi with a couple of her kids, but went natural with another, and his closest aunt did completely natural on all 3 and was the one who encouraged me to start researching into natural births, at the least to prepare myself in case I couldn't get an epi.

     

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  • g8trkimg8trkim member
    imageCTL2005:

    I think people say all of the above because they are self-interested and ask you questions as a means of telling you names they like or how they choose or would choose to give birth.

    This. Sadly, they probably didn't even care about your answers in the first place. They just wanted to tell you what they would do. It's annoying.





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  • adriennevlaadriennevla

    Eh, this is exactly why I tell people "We're keeping the name under wraps until he's born" and inform them that my pain management decisions are not up for discussion.  I don't need to be told that I'm going to be begging for drugs at any point, and I don't feel like being reminded that I don't get a medal for enduring pain (I didn't get a medal for passing kidney stones unmedicated, either. I'm not stupid).

    Of course, we're not keeping his name a secret, but I don't really feel like dealing with people who tell me not to name my child something because this one guy they know named Eric is not very smart, or something equally stupid.

     

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  • JOHNNIFERJOHNNIFER

    I went through it with the name, I LOVED Clementine, good grief people would say, "that's ugly" or "I don't want my niece to have that name"  Well, when we found out it was boy DH and I loved Marley.....ohh for heaven's sake same type of comments, again: "like the dog"  "like the movie" "ohh Marley ok"

    Birthing class has become another issue, other couples making judgements on circumcision, epidurals.....for a while birthing class was making me more conflicted on decisions, but I learned to take it with a grain of salt and follow our instincts.  I do have to say that an experienced couple taking the refresher class has really given educated information that keeps me at ease when other non-experienced couples try to give their two cents.

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  • kristen144kristen144

    I am very late to this conversation, but here's my $0.02: If people are asking you about your birth choices, you don't have to tell them. I have had one person ask me if I am going to go med-free. I answered her and she was supportive of my choice, but when I looked back on it, I really think she had no right to know. I have been asked more frequently if I am planning to breastfeed, and I feel the same way about that question: none of their business! I'm sure they will find out eventually, but why do they feel the need to ask? My parents are fairly discreet people, and even they never asked me about going natural or breastfeeding. They let me decide what I was comfortable sharing with them. I can't believe people would be so nosy with you! Just kindly say something like, "That's between my doctor and me."

     I'm sorry you have to put up with that.

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  • JennicapJennicap member
    I haven't had too many people ask me about my birth plan but those that I have discussed it with have all been supportive of my choice. I guess I've been lucky.

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  • lesalia217lesalia217
    I just always lie.  I will fess up that we are team blue, but I won't admit the name, I won't discuss that I want to go med-free with a mid-wife at a birth center, and I also don't mention that I plan on CDing.  I will tell people that I want to EBF, they don't seem to be judgemental about it. But the rest of it is my secret.  DH is very proud of me wanting to CD, so he talks about it, then I have to face the annoying comments.......
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