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3rd Trimester
How to cope with having to have a C-Section?
I am due Thursday and am scheduled to have a C-Section on Friday. I had a C-Section with my son and really wanted a vbac this time. I just had my 40 week appt and am only a fingertip dilated and 50% effaced - exactly the same as last week, so no progress. It looks like the vbac isn't going to happen.
I am soooo disappointed. This will probably be my last kid and I have always wanted the natural birth - I definitely never envisioned picking the date and time of my child's birth and then having a surgery to have him "removed". This isn't how I wanted to have my children. And although I didn't have any major complications - I still had a hard time healing from the Cesarean both physically and emotionally. Physically - it is a major surgery -- and I don't know how I am going to manage healing when I have a very active almost 2 1/2 year old to also look after (but I will have help). And emotionally - I feel like the C-Section led to a lot of issues that I had with the baby blues after I had DS. I think it effected my mother and son bonding initially. I am so jealous of other moms that can give birth to their children naturally and I feel like a failure in that sense. I am worried that I am going to experience the baby blues again and I am so hoping to avoid that.
Ugh... sorry this is long - I just need to get it out. If there are any of you you out there that have to have a C-Section and really don't want to - how are you handling it? I know I just need to relax and thank god that my child is healthy... but I still can't help but be sad about this.
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Re: How to cope with having to have a C-Section?
I am going through the same feelings....my DD is 7 1/2 and my c-section for this dd is scheduled for 4-14 and I have that same sad/scared feeling...sad I can't hold her right away, that her an DH will be in another room getting weighed, measured, looked over while I am still in the OR (alone).
I had been so positive and accepting...up until last friday when they set the date. Now I am anxious and very emotional over what is to come.
I have very bad baby blues too after my DD and do NOT want that to happen again.
I sincerly wish you all the best and know you are not alone in how you feel
I can understand your concern about recovery time having a toddler, I have the same concerns as I'm trying for a VBAC, and hoping it doesn't lead to a repeat. Is a VBAC an option for you or is this a HAVE to have a c-sec deal?
Personally, I truly cannot see why some women feel as failure b/c they could not vaginally deliver their children, if you medically COULD NOT do it, then there is no reason to feel like a failure, you grew a healthy baby that was born safely. That is an accomplishment all in its self and you need to remind yourself of that!! the whole picking your childs birthdate thing always got me too, I jsut don't think its something fun to do, but again if it is NECESSARY, than as a mother you have to do what is necessary to get baby here safe and healthy, agian keep telling yourself that! the whole end goal of a pregnancy is that your child be born healthy and safely for both of your sakes. I hope other women have some better advice, maybe those who have been through your feelings. And I hope you do feel better about this, and work towards a goal of being at peace with your birth situation, in the end its not about us, its about our babies and what they need. Good luck.
I'm sorry, but there is nothing shameful on having a c-section, it is not something you have to "cope" with, but one way to deliver that is not any less important or special than the other. Keep in mind that it is not about the pushing, it is about having a healthy baby and mom.
It would actually be irresponsible to not have a c-section when and if needed.
You have to change the way you see the procedure, it is not evil, it is not "removing" a baby, it is not a failure, it is a mom making a huge sacrifice (major surgery) to make sure her baby is OK.
GL.
she didn't say it was shameful.
and yes, I totally agree with her it may be hard to "cope" with the idea of having to birth your baby in a way you did not want to or imagine. I understand her thoughts completely and feel bad for her. I do agree with your point about that IS about having a healthy baby in the end, and it is irresponsible to not if it was medically necessary. However, it doesn't change the way one might feel about the situation.
Hi, I can't write a long reply right now because I am at work, but it was so great to read your post just to know that I am not alone in feeling this way. If you want to chat PM me, like I said I can definitely relate.
-Nikki
I'm not having an alien transport my baby from my uterus to a bassinet - that would NOT be natural. I think your state of mind is affecting how you see your birth experience and bonding. You think is a lesser form of birth and that will negatively affect your bonding - so it did and will if you have that attitutde.
So, are those of us that have to have a csection due to medical complications failures, lesser mothers, or have less of a bond to our children because they were born via csection? A mom who has an epidural is she a failure or have less of a bond because she did it with drugs rather than without?
We as women really need to start supporting all options and stop these ideas that anyone woman who has a csection or an epidural is a failure.
Can you tell this really annoys me?
Heather
I'm sorry if it sounded as if I was trying to dismiss her feelings.
C-sections save lives when necessary, so we seriuolsy have to stop thingking of them as evil and be aware that any of us can end up having one.
Sorry Heather, but your reply really annoys ME.
Just because you do not feel the same as OP, please do not downplay her feelings, or make her feel horrible for how she feels. Many moms have an idea of how they want their birth to go, and when it doesn't go that way, they experience a lot of emotions. Just because one person is ok with something doesn't mean another person is. Everyone handles things differently, physically, emotionally, etc.
OP did NOT say that all moms who have csections should feel this way. She did not push any judgement on how you have your baby, what pain meds you use, etc. All she expressed were HER PERSONAL feelings and opinions on HER PERSONAL experience. There is no need to turn it into being about you.
I experienced the same thing after my unexpected section- PPD. I had my plan of how my son would arrive into the world, and it ended up being entirely different. For months after, I couldn't even talk about my section without bursting into tears. It hurt to think about, physically hurt. I had a long recovery and a lot of issues with BF and bonding due to my PPD.
My MW has been helping me, 19 months later, work through my emotions and get me ready for this birth. She said that some moms have to mourn the loss of an experience, and it is completely normal.
Please try to be a bit open minded Heather, and learn about PPD and baby blues and how it can affect women before jumping into assumptions that OP clearly was not making.
OP, as I said above, you aren't alone and I'd love to chat with you about my experience.
Exactly
You're right, the most important thing deep down is knowing that we have a healthy baby and healthy mom. But you don't know how hard it is to realize this when you are dealing with guilt, baby blues, PPD, trouble bonding, etc. Not all csection moms feel this way, and I am so happy for those who don't, because it SUCKS for those of us who do.
I really wanted a natural birth but because of the twins, they recommend an epidural AND there is a high possibility of a c/section.
It's the best thing for the twins but I wish I could have a natural birth. It's sad to let go of the "dream" but at the same time, anything for them.
Please don't make this about you, its not about you and your experience. Its about her and the experience she is having. I've had a c-section and will be having another. I've never been affected in this way but I would never ever discount her feelings or interpret it to mean that she thinks I'm a failure. She is posting about something so real that people close to me have experienced.
Oh, come on, you guys really don't understand how a c-section mom can fail like a failure?! Through your whole pregnancy, you've never heard or read or been told, "child birth is the most natural thing in the world," "your body will know what to do when it's time," "you were made to give birth to a baby" or the like? These are the messages we are getting and when it turns out that isn't the case, it can be a devastating blow to the mom, causing her to wonder why her body is different, why she wasn't able to accomplish the "most natural thing in the world."
I was so convinced that my body would know what to do when it was time to give birth, but the baby had a different idea. I labored for 41 hours and never progressed past 4cm. The doctor finally said, "this isn't going to happen. We need to go in and get her." It was a huge disappointment to me and I struggled for a long time with feeling the unfairness of it all. All around me, it seems, women I know are able to push out 8 and a half, nine, or even ten lb babies and I was unable to birth an 8 lb baby. It's easy to feel like a failure in those circumstances.
I've opted for a repeat c/s because I'm too afraid to go through the same thing again. But that doesn't mean that I don't fantasize that my water will break in the middle of the night, I'll go to the hospital and discover that I'm 9 cm and the baby is in position.
To the OP, your feelings are totally valid. Please don't let anyone make you feel bad about having them. Have you talked to your doctor about this and your fear about the baby blues? If you are a risk for PPD, your doctor may be willing to give you an anti-depressant before you even give birth in order to give it time to work. Good luck! Just know that you aren't in any way a failure, even though that is how you feel. Feelings aren't facts.