Want to tell- Discouraged

msuk2girl · February 2010

Morning All!

My DH and I are very excited and we want to tell people! I have many friends who had babies recently and they are all very passionate that you should wait til the first trimester is over before spilling the news. We know we cannot wait that long- but I feel like everyone will look down on us for not adhering to the "standard" waiting period. I understand the reasoning, but why do people have to be so uptight about it?

Shandie_725 · February 2010

Some people may not want to ask you about your pregnancy to be told you have had a miscarriage. Others may believe it's bad luck (in the Jewish culture, it's considered bad luck to buy anything for LO until s/he arrives).

It's a matter of preference - if you feel comfortable telling people then go ahead. Just be aware that some people may appear uncomfortable or not as excited when you tell them how far along you are.

DaniLovesPink · February 2010

It's a personal choice. Some people are comfortable telling right off the bat, and if something goes wrong, having the support of those around them through that difficult time. Others are more private and would rather be "out of the woods" before sharing the news. This is your baby, so don't feel pressured to share/not share information about the pregnancy.

sschwege · February 2010

I have a friend who told the world including her class of 5th graders as soon as she found out (4 weeks maybe?). I will admit I got a little nervous for her, I just kept thinking if God forbid something happened that's a lot of people to inform, and what if not everyone hears the news right away? I admire her confidence and everything turned out wonderful for her. My intention in telling you this is to explain why people may seem "uptight" about it. It might just be out of love and concern for you, not out of judgment.

That being said do what's best for you and try not to worry about what everyone else is thinking.

roxysurf99 · February 2010

With DS we waited until 12 weeks and all was fine. So the next time we got pregnant we weren't as nervous and started telling people at 7 weeks and told the world at 11 weeks. I found out 3 days later I had a missed miscarriage. "Untelling" was the worst thing ever. This time we are going to wait until at least 12 weeks after we have had 2 ultrasounds.

Go with what you are most comfortable with and screw the "standard".

j_st.charles · February 2010

You should do whatever you feel is right for you. I told everyone as soon as I found out the first time I was pregnant, even before I had been to the OB. I miscarried at 8.5 weeks and had to untell everyone. I am pregnant again and have told some people that are close to me, included all family, but have waited to tell co-workers and long distance friends until I go for my 12 week appt (tues!!). No one can tell you what is right for you!

Ryleigh · February 2010

Personally after experiencing several friends and family members announcing early and later having to say "we had a miscarriage", I have to say I understand not telling until after the first trimester. I have also seen these same friends/family members have people come up to them after the miscarriage and say "congratulations!!" or "are you finding out what you are having?". Nothing like adding salt to the wound!

We have made the decision to wait until after the first trimester to tell the majority of people. I have told a few of my best friends and my mom. I basically told people that I would want their to support me if something did go wrong.

That being said, I have plenty of friends that have told the world immediately after POAS and fortunately had no issues. Just do whatever you are comfortable with.

Mrs.OL · February 2010

During my first pg I was a big believer in not telling anyone until after I was out of the first trimester. We m/c at about 9 weeks. We hadn't told anyone that we were expecting and after losing the baby it was such a very cold and lonely time and we needed the support of our close family/friends. So we did tell a few of them. It was much easier getting through it together than alone.

It is really a personal preference. If I were to tell people early on it would just be a few choice friends/family members, I would not be making an announcement to the World.

Congrats on your pregnancy and best of luck!!

CrazyToast · February 2010

I would say it is always your choice. For us, we have not told anyone yet (I am 12 wks today). I grew up hearing how my parents told everyone they were pregnant very early and lost the baby right after that. With me, the oldest child, they waited until they felt it was "safe."

I guess that has really instilled fear in me. Everything has been good, so far. After our NT scan on Friday, we will tell the parents, my sister, and I need to tell my bosses.

sarahmae8 · February 2010

Do what you feel comfortable with. We told our parents and close family members right away. I waited until 10 weeks to tell people at work and I had no MS so there was nothing for me to hide until then.

ezbakejess · February 2010

As hard as it was to "untell" people after our m/c, I don't know what I would have done without the support of my family and friends during that time.

This pregnancy, we had an early u/s at 6w3d, and saw the h/b. We told all our close friends and family then because I knew I would want their support if something did go wrong again. Plus, it has been so much fun to be able to be excited with them for these last few weeks.

Ultimately, it's a decision you have to make for yourself. There's no right or wrong answer.

Congratulations!

flippy1234 · February 2010

We told everyone right away, there was no way we could keep it a secret. If you want to tell people then tell them.

Congrats!

kg_08 · February 2010

I don't understand that. We knew we couldn't wait, and the world knew by 6 weeks... everybody was happy and we didn't get any negative comments about sharing early. Do what you want to do! It's your life, your body, your baby.

mandy6418 · February 2010

We've told a few people but I am nervous about something going wrong (God forbid) and having to tell them about it. I guess im just a very nervous first time mommy to be!

itsmyangel · February 2010

we've had 2 losses so i know it sucks having to go back and tell everyone that things didn't work out..but its also good becuase then they know about yoru baby...validates that he/she was real and is nice to have that support system

sopranole · February 2010

I told very early both times. The only people I didn't or won't tell until the 2nd trimester were my students (I teach K-6 music). I didn't want to have to talk to them about a miscarriage. But as for everyone else, I didn't tell anyone I wouldn't mind knowing if God forbid something went wrong. I also liked knowing that we had lots of people praying for us, since I'm high risk and it took us a long time to get pg each time.

jdubyadee · February 2010

DaniLovesPink:
It's a personal choice.? Some people are comfortable telling right off the bat, and if something goes wrong, having the support of those around them through that difficult time.? Others are more private and would rather be "out of the woods" before sharing the news.? This is your baby, so don't feel pressured to share/not share information about the pregnancy.

?This.?

Polarmouse · February 2010

this is just the first of many issues that will come up with raising kids. people have opinions on everything, solicited or not. I would absolutely tell as soon as you an d DH feel comfortable. Their opinions just dont matter.

KRISTA555 · February 2010

Do whatever you want.

I don't believe in bad luck. The outcome of your pregnancy has nothing to do with when you tell people.

We told everyone right away!

ETA: I also told everyone right away with my previous pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. For me, it was cathartic that people knew. I didn't have to explain why I wasn't being my usually cheerful self, and my boss understood why I needed to take a couple days off. My family and friends gave me hugs... and I counted on my sister to spread the word to everyone else. I really only had to actually tell 2 or 3 people... everyone else heard through the grapevine and were wonderful about it.

I can't imagine having gone through it and not having my family there to supprt me... but that's ME... you do what's right for you.

MrMrsHerrick · February 2010

My DH and I were planning on waiting until after my first appointment (2/10-this wednesday) but with my job in health care, I didn't have much of a choice. I work in an inpatient rehab unit and we have patients on chemotherapy and other types of cytotoxic precautions. Once I found out I was pg, I had to let the scheduler know that I wouldn't be able to work with those patients. Needless to say, the other therapists were wondering why they needed to see someone else's patients.

I just decided to let my co-workers know. Thankfully, we are all pretty close and I know that they would be there if something, heaven forbid, went wrong.

We called our parents about 15 minutes after the HPT was positive! We have now told a few close friends and most of our relatives, but haven't announced it to the world yet.

I think it is all a matter of personal choice. Everyone is a little different depending on their circumstances. Let people know as you are comfortable, don't let others dictate when and how you let people know. It's your news!

Good luck!!

Hudson_Hawk · February 2010

Whatever, to each his own. I think first pregnancies are an exception to the rule and people should cut us some slack. FWIW I've pretty much told everyone except my boss and I haven't announced it on FB. But all of my friends and close family know.

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