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Parenting
I need parenting help. I'm at the end of my rope.
I seriously have no idea what else to do.
I PTed Lila (who will be 3 in April) in August. She did great! She caught on right away and was day and night trained very quickly. She had ZERO
accidents starting in mid-August and was fully, 100% PTed--she would tell me when she had to go and would go all by herself.
In December, when Cara was about 3 weeks old she started having accidents. At first they were just small, like she didn't quite make it to the potty in time. Then that turned into full blown accidents and wetting the bed at night. After washing her sheets every day for a week straight I put her back in diapers at night.
At first I didn't make a big deal about it, just told her to go change her clothes, hoping that if she didn't get attention for having accidents she would stop. After a few weeks when it kept happening and continued to get worse, I started offering her a skittle every time she peed and had dry underwear. It didn't make a difference even though I stuck with it for over a month.
This week I made a sticker chart and told her she could go to Build a Bear if she filled her chart. I took her to Build a Bear and showed her all about it. She is VERY excited about her sticker chart and about Build a Bear, but so far it has made very little difference in how many accidents she is having.
To top it all off, when I PTed her in August I had one whole bag of diapers (from a Costco box that comes with 4 bags) plus a few more. We've gone through all of the diapers except 1 and I really, really don't want to buy more diapers. She was PTed for FOUR MONTHS.
I have no idea what else to do. If someone tells me she wasn't ready to PT I'm going to go BSC. She was accident free and going to the bathroom on her own for 4 months.
So, what do I do? Make an appt with the pedi? Lock her in the bathroom? Seriously, I need help!
ETA: She ONLY has accidents at home. She hasn't had a single accident when we've been at one of her classes, a friends house, the mall, etc. It is only at home.
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Re: I need parenting help. I'm at the end of my rope.
Curious.... if you send her to the bathroom to urinate what does she do? Will she go? Or will she hold it and then go just a few min later? What about BMs?
I'm asking because my dd has encopresis (withholds her bowel movements, but its something that started as a painful experience due to a tear and is not purely in her head and is a control issue, yet not one she is outwardly aware of) and we've been working with a child psychologist for quite some time now and have seen huge results.
I too couldn't stand it when people told me that dd wasn't ready to be trained as she too had used the bathroom independently for months. I can understand the frustration that you are going through right now!!
What is her reaction to the accidents? Does she tell you? When out does she hold it or does she use the restroom where you are?
Im no pro- but J had a major delay months after W was born- like, I expected her "regression" to happen right away- but she barely reacted until like 4 months later, and started acting like a baby and being weird to him...maybe L is the same?
good luck- that would be ROUGH!
I have absolutely no advice other than to make L go to the bathroom multiple times a day, regardless of whether she says she needs to go. However, I wanted to remind you that you are a WONDERFUL mother and that you WILL get through this. xoxoxo
(((HUGS)))
sounds to me like she might be jealous of the diaper time attention cara is getting. I have no helpful advice but I think it's just a reaction to having a new baby at home.
I hope this passes soon! how annoying to be done with P/T then back to diapers! ugh!
S's p/t is going to kill me....I swear it is!
xo
We were done with diapers for several mo, even on a disney trip and no accidents at preschool! 2 mo before the baby came she regressed. After losing my cool over it for a couple of weeks, she said, I want to be in diapers, and I said, ok!!!
I was worried that was the wrong decision, but after a couple of months, right after the baby was born, she said, mommy I want my panties back, and we have had hardly any accidents.
I now wish that I had not gotten so worked up over it, because it really will all work out, but I do know how you're feeling. It is so frustrating when they were trained and to go back.
GL !!
I definitely think her issues are related to Cara being born. I just don't know whether to wait it out, try a different tactic or what.
When she has an accident she usually tells me she has to go potty even though she's already gone in her underwear. Or sometimes she just goes upstairs and changes her clothes which is how I know she's had an accident. She doesn't seem to be bothered by them.
kirbear--Thankfully she hasn't had any issues with poop. She goes every day and always in the potty. If we are out she either tells me she has to go or waits until we get home. And if we are in the car when she tells me she has to go she can hold it until we get home or wherever we are going.
Goose--Thank you friend. You're the best.
I try to make Lila go constantly, but it seems like as soon as I get distracted with Cara or Ian or something else she'll go in her pants. Gah!
For a month I tried giving her a skittle every time she went in the potty and her underwear was dry but she was still having mulitple accidents a day so I thought maybe a bigger reward would work.
Totally a regression because of the baby. I have no advice though...you are better suited to advise me than the other way around! However I did want to say that it will pass eventually. She is certainly ready physically, but I guess emotionally getting that new baby really rocks their world. I think it has set DD back so much with potty training.
It'll pass though, just hang in there!
maybe instead of build-a-bear, you could have a mommy-daughter lunch or ice cream with her? and make the first time a short-term reward, like 3 times dry. Or offer to spend time with her on the potty, like reading a book (I am sure not easy to do with a baby). Good luck!
Sounds like regression due to the baby. DD went through the same thing and occassionally still has accidents but I can tell that they are related to if Oliver is getting more attention than her and such. She is nighttime pottytrained for the most part but I still put her in pullups overnight b/c I'm already awake sometimes with Oliver at night so I don't need the added wakefulness with a pee soaked bed from Isabelle. Also when Isabelle doesn't wet the bed I use the same pullup the next night, maybe that's gross but I never use it more than 2 nights in a row.
Michelle
The pedi told my niece (who had a similar issue) that even kid who have been PT'd for a few months might regress after a new baby. He/she also said that it is usually 3-4 months after the baby is born because the baby is actually seen more of a "person" to the toddler. Earlier that that the baby is just a baby. kwim?
My only advice would be to put her back in panties and don't ever go back to diapers. Ask her (take her) to the potty when YOU think she might need to go. I would also spend more one on one time with her (without the baby). Maybe take her to a movie, out to dinner, etc. and have your DH stay home with the baby. Let him do the same. Maybe also include her more with the baby's care if that is possible.
Definitely sounds to me like it is correlated to the baby being born and attention seeking- how you say she will go as soon as you become busy with the baby or your son.
I would start having her go very frequently- just like in the beginning stages of training- again more work for you, but hopefully it will pay off. Even set a timer if you have to. When she has a success initially make a big deal of it and give a reward. Then you start making the rewards harder to get- ie several days etc... You have to find what will motivate your dd. It may not be candy, it may be time with you, going somewhere etc... In the beginning my daughter was given an immediate reward (candy, dvd, or a small trinket from a treasure box we made) and then we moved to a sticker chart and she earned things like getting her nails painted, chuck e cheese after a week, 2 weeks etc...
Start slowly and give her lots of positive attention for even trying to go to the bathroom, like if you tell her its time and she goes in and sits, praise her. This is called a "practice sit" in dd's therapy. Make going to the bathroom motivating for her. We sang songs, read a book etc... things so she got positive attention in the bathroom. As for accidents, stay very neutral (I know its so hard- trust me!!) and don't even comment on it other than to say lets get changed. Try not to talk about the accidents in her earshot to her or to anyone else. Don't let her know it gets to you! Give it no attention but find other positive ways to give her extra attention. Maybe having time each evening or afternoon that is just the two of you. I know it won't be easy with 2 other kids!
If you tell her to go in and try what does she say? Will she go try or she refuses to even sit at that moment?
Hang in there, I know its hard, but she will get back on track!
We went through this with my son when my daughter was born. It actually started in the hospital room the first time he came to visit us!
What worked for us was a potty watch. I bought the one from One Step Ahead (on eBay because it was cheaper). We hyped up the watch. It was something only he could have...babies couldn't have one.
Between the watch and HotWheels cars, we were back on track.