Depression is here again. :Long & Backstory:

I have struggled with depression in the past. Before I became pregnant with DS I had a rough couple of years. It all began when I felt like all I could possibly do was sleep. I was enrolled in college, I had a job, I was happy and healthy...and suddenly it all went away. I would wake up, go to school, sleep for an hour at lunch, drag ass through the rest of the day, go sleep for 2 hours in the parking lot at work, work, then come home and go to bed. I never ate. But I gained weight FAST. I put on over 40 lbs in 2 months. My hair started falling out. Then the insomnia hit. Ay one point I didn't sleep for over 48 hours straight...and I felt like I was truely losing my mind. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with hypothroidism. I stopped gaining weight, but I was left with all of the saddess from what the last months had done to me. My life was in shambles, I had dropped out of school, become extremely unattractive, and I was lost. So I started cymbalta, and it helped. A lot.

I got married, things were great in my marriage, but I would become overwhelmed with sadness for no reason. Then, I got pregnant. It was a surprise. I went off my pills and during the pregnancy, everything was wonderful. I finally felt like myself again. It was the perfect nine months.

But now that DS is here, things seems to be slowly getting worse. I love my son more than anything, but I feel such a lack of motivation. I used to want things for myself, an education, a career, but now I have no motivation. My moods and feelings vary from day to day. I'm packing on the pounds, and I can't sleep. I find myself obsession over things, and feeling strange amounts of regret over things I can't fix. For example, labor. I sit for hours and just replay it over and over in my mind...wishing I could fix what I did wrong.

I'm not sure if this qualifies as post partum since I had depression before. I'm just wondering if anyone has any similar experiences.