Special Needs

Autism/PDD-NOS moms - how do you handle birthdays?

My son just turned 3 today. And I could seriously cry. We already knew not to make a big deal out of it - he has sensory issues and is not a fan of presents... he doesn't like cake.... doesn't like any of it, really. So we gave him some toys (unwrapped), bought him a balloon, and decided we would give him ice cream (something he normally enjoys) put 3 candles in it and sing to him.

And... of course.... it didn't go over well.

He was HYSTERICAL. And refuses to even touch the ice cream.

I already feel bad enough that we had downplay his birthday SO much (especially compared to my other son, who just turned 5 two weeks ago and we had a big to-do about it because that's what he likes). Anyway.... I already feel bad because I feel like we are jipping him on his birthday... but I don't know what else to do or what we could have done differently. I guess in a way I'm just venting.

So what do you do for your child's birthday if they have autism/asperger's/pdd-nos?

 

Btw - hi, I'm new to this board but I've been a knottie/nestie on and off since 2003 (this is a new s/n because family members knew my old s/n's and I don't want them stalking!) My son "J" just turned 3 today and has PDD-NOS. We're still learning a lot about what is going on with him. He's been in a program here in FL called Early Steps for over a year, receiving speech and occupational therapies. After 3, they basically turn the child over to the public school system (because they are no longer able to receive help from the Early Steps program)to receive help and services. He qualified easily and will now be going to school full time. M-F starting this MONDAY! I am so nervous. He will be receiving speech and occupational therapies through the school system. I also have a 5 year old son but he does not appear to have any issues.

 

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~L~
Mommy to 2 boys, ages 7 and 5 and a little girl who is 1.5

Re: Autism/PDD-NOS moms - how do you handle birthdays?

  • You are not jipping your son in any way. If he doesn't like them, then screw birthday parties!

    Do something he really likes for his Birthday. He is too young to appreciate what a birthday means anyway. It may be more an issue of you feeling jipped rather than he feeling jipped. **hugs**

    WAY 2 Cool 4 School


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  • Welcome!

    My way of dealing with birthdays echos what Auntie says (she's a very smart lady on these type of issues).  I have to throw out traditions, what his half sister gets, what his friends get, and my notions of what a birthday party should be.  His birthday is about him, and I will go out of my way to do what will make him happy and avoid everything that won't. 

    My son hates crowds and being the center of attention.  He loves swimming and water.  So, for his birthday, we went to a local water park (water slides, various pools, lazy river, etc.).  We invited our two closest friends, along with their spouses and kids, and laid the "ground rules" ahead of time:  no big party; no opening presents around everyone; no cake with candles; no singing.  We had a great day playing in the pools, eating some snacks and cupcakes (Zach's favorite), and just relaxing in the sun.  Zach did not have a single breakdown all day, and even interacted with the kids because he was in such a comfortable space (following/playing with them on water slides).  And for me, it was so much less stressful than his first birthday, where we had the traditional, big blow-out.

    My son just transitioned into the school district and started SN preschool at the start of December.  It was one the best things we have done for him thus far.  The transition into the school went much smoother than I expected.  Good luck on Monday!

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  • Welcome  :)

    My son has Aspergers.  There have been some b-day parties that he does well and some that he doesn't. 

    For your childs b-day do something that he enjoys. If that means just having a family party, or just going out to McDonalds, I would do what makes him feel comfortable.   Don't look at it as jipping him out of a party. 

    My son normally gets overwhelmed when a lot of presents are thrown at him.  You know how kids are "Here open mine gift" and they are practically on top of the b-day kid.  Well, my son HATES that!  There was one year that he did really well with it - which shocked me!  Last year, we had his party at a place that only gave us 2 hours for their package.  Well, I made sure the 2 hours was filled with the kids playing and having fun.  We did not open the presents at the party (which I think made some parents mad) We went home and he opened the presents at his own pace and I made sure I wrote everything down.  He was so excitied opening up his presents where no one was rushing him.  I sent out thank you notes the next day.

    I guess what I am saying is what is best for one child, is not the best for another!

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  • Ditto everyone else.  Think of it this way.  On your b-day I'm sure you would have an idea in your mind of your perfect day.  Is that the same as your DH's idea of his perfect b-day?  The idea is for the birthday person to have a "special" day. 

    Our most successful b-day I've had for DS was when we rented a small indoor playcenter (the whole thing - it was very small) and only invited his cousins and 2 friends.  We didn't do presents there.  I practiced the candle thing and the singing with him for a couple of days prior - that really seemed to help.  I also warned him when it was coming and reminded him that as soon as it was done we could have yummy chocolate cake.  We opened the presents over 2 or 3 days and sent thank you cards.

    It will get better.  He now sings the happy b-day song and loves presents (although a table full would still be too much).  Its very, very hard to see how different it is for them both.  Hugs.

  • Several times recently, I've decided something 'special' would be fun on that particular day. One day it was a special lunch, one day it was a special milkshake run instead of naps (b/c our schedule didnt allow naps that day), and one day it was a special trip to a store...... ALL of which turned his world upside down. It never happens during the 'special' thing... but always turns his expectations upside down. He is ok with doing something special.... but when we finish the special lunch.... he wants LUNCH (aka. peanut butter sandwich) and lunch hasn't happened until we have a Peanut Butter sandwich. And so, in turn.... we can't have DINNER at dinner time... because OH MY we haven't had lunch. 

    I am slowly.... VERY SLOWLY learning that going above and beyond for ANY reason... even birthday is more for me than for him.

    Try to play into what your child loves.... and try to learn this lesson before too many bdays go by where you are disappointed so badly by his disappointment, lack of enthusiasm, or hysteria.   

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  • LOL, Auntie!!!! Im telling you.... if I said some of our discipline techniques outloud in a group of parents who don't have an asd child, I'd get some REALLY weird looks. 

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  • Welcome to the board!

    My son will be turning three next week and also has PDD-NOS, but his biggest issue is speech apraxia. His speech is that of a 15 month old. My son has different issues than your son, but you know how they say, if you meet one kid with autism YOU MEET ONE KID WITH AUTISM.

    Gabe is sensory-seeking. This is the 2nd year in a row we are having his birthday at one of those bounce places. He really likes the stimulation. He is the type though to crash, spin, jump, etc.

    You have to do what works for your son! Don't feel bad.

    My son will not sit still and HATES tv and often will have a tantrum if I turn it on. So, a movie party, or going to *Disney on Ice* is all out of the question.

    I should add this was a kid who LOVED the merry-go-round at 3 months old. He has to be moving or he isn't having fun.

    We have to really think about what we think he could do / enjoy.

     

    imageimage
    You will forever be my best friend. I can almost feel our hugs. I will ensure everyone will know (now and in the future) what a genuine, kind, loving person you were...I already miss your laughter and our daily conversations. I love you, Samantha. May 20, 1983- February 20, 2012
  • can someone please explain PDD to me even though they consider it to be autism. What are the signs and can your child out grow this or no??
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