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Parenting
Would this bug you, and if so, how much?
Say your IL's kept your children on average once a week (not overnight). Would it bother you that every single time they sent the kids home or you picked them up they kept something you sent in their bag....like say, clothing, DVDs, bottles/sippy cups, blankets, etc.? Would you just learn to expect it and not let it bother you and just constantly go out and buy new stuff to replace what they've taken? Or would it bother you to the point of telling them so?
I'm a way laid back Mom but it never fails that every time the IL's keep the kids they snag something without asking or telling me....so later when I'm trying to get them dressed I can't find articles of clothing that go together or I realize I'm down to like ONE bottle! And DS's forever asking for a particular DVD or toy and lo and behold it's missing because it's at the IL's house. They've even been known to take things from my kitchen (without my knowledge or it'd be no big deal) pantry like cupcake liners....so when I went to make cupcakes for DS's class I discovered that they were missing. So weird!!!
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Re: Would this bug you, and if so, how much?
hmmm... if it weren't for the cupcake liner thing I would assume that the items were just forgotten on accident. I'd probably act as if it was an accident and just ask for the stuff back - have you asked? what do they say?
But the cupcake liner thing is just... weird. Really weird.
I would say something... Or just be better about checking bags and such when I picked up and before I left their house.
So yes, it would bug me, but I would put it on myself to make sure that I grabbed everything, rather than relying on my IL's.
Ryan 5/2010, Kyle 1/2007, Eric 3/2005
That would bother me to no end. I dont have money to keep buying stuff for my kids and then have them take it. Esp the clothing thing. Im a tad OCD and have to have all the parts to an outfit in order for my kds to wear it.
The cupcake liners is just insane. Why not just ask?
I think I would mention it. That and start checking their stuff when you pick them up/they come home. Make a list of things that are missing...talk to ILs about it.
Do they keep it to use for other grandchildren or something?
I would probably say something, but I am a bit of an organization freak. I'd probably phrase it as "oh, DS is so upset when he can't watch ___". Or "we are always forgetting things at your place. Could you help us make sure that all of the cups/blankies/clothes make it back into our bag."
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Yeah, no, not left on accident....I'm talking straight up five finger discounted and stashed in their cupboard (bottles/sippies....and cupcake liners, LOL) or in their dresser drawers (the kids clothing and blankets). I think they feel the need to keep a "stock" on hand of any and everything the kids could ever possibly want/need while they're in their company and they don't want to go out and buy an extra set of clothing or bottles/sippies for their own personal stock. I mean, I'll provide everything the kids need while they're in their care....but I do expect to get it back upon picking them back up.
Like, they keep it and never give it back? I can see forgetting something a lot of the time. I just got a call from the library that I forgot to put a disk back in one of the books on cd I put on my pod, but to never give it back, that is different.
Do you ask for them?
Yep, I have to "steal" it all back when I go pick the kids up. And I mean search high and low for anything that I don't see in the bag. It's like they make me feel petty for expecting the stuff to make it back home.
Yeah, they keep the stuff so that they always have clothes/toys/blankets, etc. at their house...even though I have provided it all in the past. So, for instance, out of say SIX bottles I'll realize that I'm down to ONE and I'll wrack my brain tearing my house up looking for all the bottles and then I'll discover the next time I'm at the IL's that they have them all! I'm such an easy person to talk to/get along with....I'm not certain why they wouldn't just ask if there's something they needed for the kids! And MH apparently has no balls when it comes to clearing things up with his parents or making sure they don't keep stealing stuff. I've asked for stuff back, MH's asked for stuff back...hell, he's even turned around and driven back over to their house to get stuff....but it just keeps happening! I've learned to not send their good clothes, blankets, etc.....but when DH packs the kids up and drops them off over there (which happens often) he packs the kitchen sink including good clothes, toys, movies, etc.
I have but now I feel silly/petty or like maybe I'm making WAY too big of a deal out of wanting their stuff to make it home. If I've asked in the past, DH's asked and it STILL keeps happening I feel like I'm at a loss. Short of stealing it all back when I'm over there (which I've resorted to doing) I don't know what else to do.....expect for creating a spreadsheet of their inventory as BOF suggested.
Guess I'm going to have to grow a pair myself and be the heavy.
I would buy a couple of bottles, a package of take and toss sippys, a cheapo Target outfit for each of them, a clearance DVD/book etc and make a big bag of crap to drop off at your IL's and tell them they can have all of it if they just please stop stealing your stuff. That would drive me ca-razy.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that would have an issue with this. MH makes me feel like I'M the one that's being weird about always wanting stuff back! I've always provided diapers, wipes, formula, food, etc....and they only go for a visit here and there...it's not like they're providing in home daycare for them weekly. And they have TONS of toys and movies over there already. I literally almost lose my mind when I have a particular outfit in mind for one of the kids to wear and then like the pants are missing. INSANE!
it would bother me not for a couple of reasons
they are taking the kids weekly (and must be fairly ok at it) and if it makes them feel better to have a stockpile of stuff then so be it, they are taking the kids (for me i give up the bottles sippies, exra outfits, even cupcake liners)
and before you know it, the bottles, sippies, baby gear type stuff will not be needed. so the current stockpile will become useless. and you tend not to drop the kids off with a supply of stuff as they become little regular food eating potty going people
i never asked for anything back from the ils because they got us tons of stuff for the boys when they were babies (hell they might've even been stealing some of the stuff they got) and they use it for the newer baby grandkids. they also buy preschool toys and dvds for their house for the boys which is why i probably don't care about them snagging some matchboxes to go with their car rug.
and my ils do not take the boys once a week so yeah i'd let the thieving go just for that nice gesture alone.
Uh, I retract my nice way of doing it. She knows she's at fault.
I would open that cupboard and sweep it all into a bag, leaving 1 bottle and 1 sippy. Then go around looking for the rest.
Lie and say that you can't afford to outfit 2 houses if you have to, but that's just nuts. It's great that she watches the kids, but my mom buys stuff for the kids if she wants it (beyond what I bring over).
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Maybe, but not much because I would appreciate their having DS over once a week. My MIL helps with DS maybe 3x per year...
Totally outrageous that they went into your pantry though without even telling you!
Haha! I was SO tempted! I should have said, "So THAT'S where all of our freaking dishes have ended up!" and then repossessed them all right then and there! And I'm about to send out an APB on a pair of Gap cords that are MIA that I know have got to be over there. It can and does get expensive to continue rebuying all of that crap every freaking time I go to Target or wherever! I shouldn't have to buy sippy cups every time I go to Target!
I did not read the other response, so excuse me if I repeat..
If the kids are there once a week, when I drop them off the next time I would say, "Oh, could you remember to put the sippy cup from last week back in the bag." (or whatever item is missing).