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Anyone else lost one of their twins?

jgal84jgal84 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
We found out today that we lost one of our twins this week. The other one looks great, but we are heartbroken. Has anyone else been through this? How did you deal with it? Part of me is devasted, and the other part is feeling blessed (for now).
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Re: Anyone else lost one of their twins?

  • bbhalphenbbhalphen member
    Sorry for your loss!
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  • Winter*MommyWinter*Mommy

    I'm so sorry for your loss - I is truly so difficult.  I was not pg with twins, but I know someone who lost one twin at 20 weeks.  I didn't ask details, but I am sure there are some on here who have been in your shoes.  

    I am sorry you are going through this loss and I pray for a healthy remaining pregnancy with your little one.  

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  • howleyshellhowleyshell member

    It's a very bizzare mix of emotions to mourn the loss of one and at the same time have cautious gratitude for the one remaining.  Please realize that feeling sorrow for your loss does NOT diminish the love and appreciate you have for the other.  It's OK to grieve.  It doesn't make you ungrateful in any way shape or form.

    I think it was easier for me than for most because I'd already had one m/c before that so all I thought about at first was how grateful I was to be spared the process of having to physically pass the loss since they usually reabsorb without incident or even spotting or bleeding.

    It does shake you though.  I think I wasn't attached to the pregnancy because I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop even though all my research and everything the docs told me was that there was zero reason to fear for the remaining twin.  It did get easier as time progressed but I did still have an unnatural fear of loosing him during delivery.  

    I found myself thinking that somehow the pregnancy wouldn't be a "special" as a singleton and the child not as appreciated or recognized by society as he would have been had his twin survived.  I mourned the loss of the twin experience as well as the actual baby him/herself.  

    Of course - everyone around me kept saying things meant to be helpful like:  "You're so small I doubt you could have carried twins and you would have ended up loosing them both."  or  "God never gives you more than you can handle.  I'm sure twins would have been a huge challenge."  They just didn't get it.

     It did get easier with time but I won't lie.  There was and still are times I look at my son and wonder about his twin and how different his life would be had his twin survived.

    I go back and forth about if/how/when to tell him about his twin.   

    I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. 

    The outside world doesn't seem to offer much support for twin loss.  The way outsiders look at it is that you're still pregnant so what do you have to be sad about.  They really don't get it.  I'm sorry that you do. 

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
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  • MrstobMrstob
    I lost my girl twin at 32 weeks 3 days and that put me in to labor with the other twin( a boy)  When they were born the next day when the girl came out her cord was so twisted that when it was cut it untwisted so fast like a propeller... Its so sad to think she made it that far and that I had no clue anything was wrong.. We feel blessed to still have her brother  and he is the one who keeps us strong
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  • jgal84jgal84 member

    Howleyshell - Thank you so much for replying to me. I am feeling everything that you describe there. It's amazing, and I feel so comforted in knowing that I am not alone in what I am feeling. It IS weird. I'm grieving for my lost child, and people keep saying "oh, but you still have the other one", well, I wanted BOTH of my babies! And, I DO as if my pregnancy no longer counts. It's not "special" anymore. Thank you so much for touching base on that. I do feel as though I've lost my appeal and my remaining one isn't important anymore. I think about all of the twin plans we had, and am mourning the loss of those as well. I could go on and on about how much your message means to me and relates to me for days. Thank you for letting me know that it's okay to feel like this. THANK YOU

    I don't mean to disregard anyone else's posts, believe me, each and every one means so much to me. And, I'm sorry, I don't remember your screen name, but, I can't imagine losing one of your twins at delivery. What an awful experience for you! My heart aches for your loss. It truly does.

    Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate your reponses.

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