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Wedding dilemma. WWYD?

Vet-TechVet-Tech
in TTC after 35
My niece & I are pretty close.  She got engaged in November & has yet to set a date. Rumor has it, it's the end of September....right around our due date, but nothing is set in stone just yet.   I was contemplating telling her we're pregnant, not because I want her to change her plans at all, but just to let her know that we may not be able to attend.  She's the type that will get upset that I didn't say anything because I know she obviously will want us at the wedding.  If I wait until 12 weeks & tell her then with everyone else, things will all be set & I have a feeling she'll be annoyed with me.  I was going to go to brunch with her last weekend & say something then, but we didn't see much on ultrasound yet & I didn't want to jump the gun, then have her share in our loss if there was one.   I'm also wondering if I can trust her with such an important secret.  She'd probably have to tell the boyfriend, especially if she'd be picking another date, & that would mean another chance of things slipping out, cause you know how guys can be.  I feel like I have to say something soon because she's taking my sister to see the location they're probably going to choose on Sunday.  I don't know what to do.
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Re: Wedding dilemma. WWYD?

  • baze2baze2
    I would personally talk to her at the 12 week mark..I would justify by saying "for once I come first" She will understand if you can't be there because of a baby that you have been trying for for this long.
    "Onward"--CathyMD Waiting since 07/5/2011 for our forever child! Yep we are adopting!
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  • SavedByZeroSavedByZero
    I'd wait and tell her when I tell everyone else.  She should not have to feel the extra pressure of having to pick a wedding date around your due date.  There are already so many factors a bride goes through when picking dates and she'll realize that not everyone will be able to be accommodated.  And, on top of that, you don't want her to feel like you only told her so that she would schedule her date around your LO's arrival. 
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  • joyfulnaturejoyfulnature

    I would wait, too.

    She will understand - and be happy for you.

    Perhaps the two of you could do something special in the months leading up to the wedding to celebrate. 

    You could also ask if she's having a video made that the two of you watch it together after you give birth. Or look at the photos, etc.

    And perhaps you could arrange to have a special message sent from you to her and her man during the reception.

    In short: Take care of you. She will  understand. And there are many ways to show her your love without going to her wedding.


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  • FrannySFrannyS

    I agree with everyone else, I would wait and she will understand.  I would definitely set aside special time to tell her and explain why you waited.

    I am so happy for you!  What a dilemma to have!

    <a href="http://s352.photobucket.com/albums/r349/MsCozyCorner/Summer 2008/?action=view
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  • ToshaGirlToshaGirl member
    Another vote for wait. She'll just have to understand.
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  • JDG2007JDG2007

    I'm for waiting to tell as well.

     

    TTC since July 2007 a year on our own, 7 IUIs spread out over 2 years, all BFN IVF attempt #1 - September - antagonist protocol, called off CD8 due too poor response IVF attempt #2 - November - called off on CD11 due to low estrogen IVF attempt #3 - started stims Jan 25th...converted/cancelled Jan 31st...SWITCHED BACK TO IVF Feb 3rd! ER Feb 7th...lets DO this! ET Feb 12th, Beta #1 141, Beta #2 356, u/s #1 hb 141 bpm, u/s at 7 weeks 1 day no hb, missed m/c. So sad. IVF #4 scheduled for June 2011, last chance, this is it
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  • Bucks1975Bucks1975

    I don't normally post on this board but I vote wait as well.  My brother and sister in law told me they were the pregnant when we picked our wedding date.  Because of it, we ended up moving our wedding back a few weeks.  My sister in law ended up going late and had the baby on the day of my wedding. 

    There were many times that I wished they hadn't have told me because I felt pressured to move the wedding. 

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