Why do you think people choose not to have kids?

Kelli3 · February 2010

Always wondered about this. ?Everyone I know has kids or plans to or plans to adopt.

bstrangely · February 2010

how would you explain your choice to have them?

i think this is kind of like asking why someone does or doesn't like seafood. there's just something intrinsic that won't make any sense to someone who hasn't made the same choice.

AML84 · February 2010

some people like to focus on certain things in their lives. My best friend never wants children. She's 33 and has no plans, whatsoever. She is a singer, is signed or whatever. She plans on being on the road for her ministry, plus she works another job. Just not for her.

mr&mrswelch · February 2010

because kids are expensive and a lot of responsibility.

monimonimoni · February 2010

Because not everybody has the urge to be a parent? I don't know why it's so hard for some people to understand. Everyone is wired differently, different wants, needs, desires.

EMcW2005 · February 2010

Lots of reasons. If they want to focus on their careers, if they want to travel a lot. Some people just don't like kids or don't want to fit raising children into their lifestyle. It's a big commitment and life changing event. It's not that mysterious, IMO.

seells · February 2010

Because they don't like kids. I have a friend who doesn't like kids. She thinks they're gross, annoying and dirty. When a baby cries she wants to throw it across the room.

LCB34 · February 2010

Some people that live childless do so b/c they cannot have children and do not feel called to adopt.

larrys_bride · February 2010

There was a special on TV talking about this the other day. People basically said they just knew that they didn't want kids, they didn't have any clock or timer telling them that it was time for kids. Obviously you have to marry someone who has those same wants. I guess it's like PP said, how do you explain the fact that you want to have kids? Different strokes for different folks! I mean, look at Oprah!!

MSC03 · February 2010

There are just as many reason to have children as to not have children--it just depends on what you want. I don't judge--in fact, I think it's great when people realize they don't want kids rather than having them because they think it's what "they're supposed to do."

SparkleK · February 2010

If you put on paper reasons to have kids vs. reasons to not have kids, there are several compelling reasons to never have kids. You have to really have an inherent desire to have children.

EMcW2005 · February 2010

ditto mrssummit. I think more people should more seriously consider whether or not they are up for the job of being a parent.

stpetegirl · February 2010

Because they prefer their couch without spitup/jello/playdough on it? Because they would like to vacation without having to ride the teacups or find a potty every 5 minutes at the Louvre? Because they want to be able to have sex in the afternoon? Sleep past 8am? Because they actually would like to afford retirement at retirement age? I love dd and I can't wait for the next, but I see lots of great reasons to not have kids if you so desire.

HeatherLilly2004 · February 2010

I've come across a few people who I *hope* never make babies.

Some people should aren't cut out for the responsibility.

jdubyadee · February 2010

MrsSummitCounty:
There are just as many reason to have children as to not have children--it just depends on what you want. I don't judge--in fact,?I think it's great when people realize they don't want kids rather than having them because they think it's what "they're supposed to do."

This!?

JhawkCE · February 2010

larrys_bride:
There was a special on TV talking about this the other day. People basically said they just knew that they didn't want kids, they didn't have any clock or timer telling them that it was time for kids. Obviously you have to marry someone who has those same wants. I guess it's like PP said, how do you explain the fact that you want to have kids? Different strokes for different folks! I mean, look at Oprah!!

I have never had the urge to have children. My husband wants them and when we married we both agreed to accept children as a part of marriage. I'm not resentful, and I am committed to being a good parent. I love my nieces and nephews and I'm sure I will love my child, but there was absolutely no baby fever here, I would have been fine either way.

dejavu22 · February 2010

I think some people just don't have the natural instinct, or are too busy on careers & such. Although I have found that a lot of people wait until they have established themselves & realize they DO want kids & it ends up being too late. I can understand why some people don't want them, and I think certain people need a license to have children!

As for me I have ALWAYS wanted to have a baby since I was a baby!

IrishBrideND · February 2010

IMO you don't need a reason to NOT have kids. But, you do need a reason TO have kids.

kg_08 · February 2010

Some people don't want to be tied down. They feel completely fulfilled with a very active life, love traveling, etc...

I also know a very nice couple that were unable to have children due to fertility issues, but decided not to adopt because their house is like a youth group most days... they've constantly got ppl coming in and out and they are happy.

GBCK · February 2010

MrsSummitCounty:
There are just as many reason to have children as to not have children--it just depends on what you want. I don't judge--in fact, I think it's great when people realize they don't want kids rather than having them because they think it's what "they're supposed to do."

Amen amen.

I wish more people would think long and hard and that 'no kids' was the default choice until people decided otherwise.

Hell, I work w/ kids daily, I'm obviously looking forward to having one of my own...but other people's kids and a helluva lot of parents make me want to stick a spork in my ear--I'm still hoping I can manage to be a 'parent not breeder'.

And this site gives good info for some of why people don't want them:

https://www.happilychildfree.com/

(I reccomend the 'fencesitters' page a lot )

volgirl123 · February 2010

Kelli3:
Always wondered about this. Everyone I know has kids or plans to or plans to adopt.

I find it to be so different than my experiences that everyone you know has kids or wants them. I don't mean to pry but do you live in a small town? Are you pretty young? You don't have to answer, I just can't imagine everyone that I know wanting kids, so our lives must be pretty different.

veebug22 · February 2010

volgirl123:

I find it to be so different than my experiences that everyone you know has kids or wants them. I don't mean to pry but do you live in a small town? Are you pretty young? You don't have to answer, I just can't imagine everyone that I know wanting kids, so our lives must be pretty different.

Really? I think I only know three couples who do not want children (two of which are gay and not interested in adopting or AI), and that's it. I've lived in a number of different countries, big cities, small towns, travel a lot for my job, etc. Other than that, pretty much everyone I know has kids. I have a few single friends who said they never wanted kids, then they met someone and reconsidered. I'm just saying that I don't think it's abnormal to not know many people that have an expressed desire to not have children. On average, most people do want to have kids or do have kids. I totally respect the decision not to, but I don't think the other poster is somehow "different" herself just because she doesn't really know anyone who doesn't want kids.

lilliebear · February 2010

some people don't like kids - which is a great reason not to have any.

some don't have them for health reasons.

some love kids just don't want the responcibility

I know some people that fit into each of these, there really are as many reasons not to have kids as there are to have them and everyone is different

GBCK · February 2010

I'll join in the raised eyebrow at not knowing ANYBODY who doesn't want kids. I'd wonder about how socially isolated people are--not making friends or acquaintances outside of their 'norm'--because I live in the bible-belt where kids are the 'norm' in ways that I haven't seen in the city and I still know at least some 'fence-sitters'.

I'll also say that child-free people don't tend to shout it from the rooftops because people treat them like pariahs who like to put strichnine in Halloween candy when they find out. Someone not coming out and screaming "I don't want kids" doesn't mean they want them. Quite a few of the people Iknow who answer the incredibly rude questions about their reproductive choices w/ vauge answers are childfree by choice, they just choose not to argue w/ the masses.

McMrs · February 2010

some people who have bad relationships with their parents don't want to have kids because they don't want to screw their own kids up

drewiekc · February 2010

GBCK:

I'll also say that child-free people don't tend to shout it from the rooftops because people treat them like pariahs who like to put strichnine in Halloween candy when they find out. Someone not coming out and screaming "I don't want kids" doesn't mean they want them. Quite a few of the people Iknow who answer the incredibly rude questions about their reproductive choices w/ vauge answers are childfree by choice, they just choose not to argue w/ the masses.

This exactly! People are VERY judgemental regarding others' choices in whether or not to have children. My DH and I are "older" among some of our circles of friends when it comes to having kids (I am 31, DH is 39), and while we are just now having our first, most of our friends have school-aged kids. We got NUMEROUS comments about how we must "hate" kids, since we didnt rush out right away and have one, and because when we were (very rudely) asked WHEN we were going to have one, we usually just replied with "who knows, we'll see what happens". I dont know why anyone thinks it's thier business to judge others for chosing to not having children. Not having a child does not mean that you are doomed to an unfulfilling life of being sad and lonely. Quite the contrary, the people I know without children seem to be among the happiest and most fulfilled people I encounter.

agrundman · February 2010

I feel the need to chime in and offer my opinion from my own personal point of view. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to have kids. Our reasons were like many that I read throughout this thread. First, we didn't want the responsibililty. For myself, sometimes I have a hard time keeping up with household duties and my job. I also was in the process of preparing to apply for a Master's program. We also wanted to spend our money on vacations, "toys,' and are in the process of remodeling our house.

My husband, on the other hand, watched his parents fight, break up, get back together, break up and so on. They haven't been together for years and it's still really tense. For example, at the rehearsal dinner for our wedding there was a big blow-up between his mother and step-mother that our friends still talk about. So I can understand where he would be worried about the potential of putting another child through that.

That being said, we found out that I'm pregnant last week. While this was a pretty big shock we are adjusting to the news and are working to shift our lives around to fit baby into it. So, we won't be able to take as many vacations and my Master's program may be on hold for awhile. As for parenting, I think we'll be good parents. I believe that we have very inspiring examples with our families and friends that will teach us positive parenting.

Unknown · February 2010

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purplegirl_2008 · February 2010

We have a set of friends that were career driven and decided it wasn't for them. After being around them all the time we could see it wasn't so much their careers as it was their desire to continue to drink and party like the college days (they are mid 30's). Then after talking to the woman she said she didn't want to ruin her body by having babies. This was frustrating since she knew we were trying when she said this, needless to say we aren't so close anymore simply because we want different things out of life.

Everyone is entitled to make the decision for themselves and parenthood isn't for everyone. Kudos to those that are mature enough to realize they cannot handle it and therefore don't bring unwanted children into the world.

katorigasuki · February 2010

purplegirl_2008:
We have a set of friends that were career driven and decided it wasn't for them. After being around them all the time we could see it wasn't so much their careers as it was their desire to continue to drink and party like the college days (they are mid 30's). Then after talking to the woman she said she didn't want to ruin her body by having babies. This was frustrating since she knew we were trying when she said this, needless to say we aren't so close anymore simply because we want different things out of life.

Everyone is entitled to make the decision for themselves and parenthood isn't for everyone. Kudos to those that are mature enough to realize they cannot handle it and therefore don't bring unwanted children into the world.

good for them tor recognizing the lifestyle they want to lead does not mesh well with children. sounds like it's the best decision for them and their non-babies. no need to judge them for their decision.

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