Baby Showers
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In law invites -- WDYT?
I am only inviting 15 of my close girlfriends to my shower. My mother lives across the country and will not be attending and my extended family is also out of state. Other than my sister (who is hosting with a friend), none of my family will be present for it. Where I am stumped is what to do about my in laws. DH wants me to invite five in-laws. Can I get away with inviting no inlaws (including MIL and SIL) since none of my family will be there and say I had a shower for friends only or just act as if had no shower? The obvious reason I don't want to invite them is because it will be more fun with just friends. Other reasons are that I have to drive about 30 minutes in the opposite direction of the shower to pick them up, and then an hour from their house to bring them, and then drive them home; both will require my constant attention on them because of alzheimers (MIL) and similar health problems due to stroke for SIL which means little time to spend with other guests. The other three inlaws DH wants invited are aunts and a cousin who are close with MIL but who would still need a ride but who would then be able to help care for MIL and SIL. If DH's family brings it up, I thought he could suggest a small family only shower instead. I feel very guilty and selfish about this idea so my hunch is that I am in the wrong, but I'd appreciate other opinions.
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Re: In law invites -- WDYT?
I'm sure it isn't 'right' but I think it is OK to have a party with your friends without your parents/in-laws.
Perhaps you and DH could have them over for a little family party to welcome the baby? I wouldn't leave them out completely but I would do something separate with them.
Hmm...well if they don't already know you're having a shower and wouldn't find out otherwise, I wouldn't worry about inviting them if it's friends only. For instance, my cousin mentioned throwing us a couples' shower/game night, in which case I wouldn't invite all family, just couples our age, because that's the nature of the party. To those not invited, you could call your shower a "girls' luncheon" or something, so their feelings are less likely to be hurt.
If this is your only shower and you'll have some older people there anyway, then invite them IF DH or someone else is willing to do all the driving. I don't think it makes sense for the person the party is thrown for to have to drive all over the place picking up guests, so if none of them can drive themselves or get a ride from someone else, then maybe they have to miss out. GL with whatever you decide.
My family member with Alzheimer's gets very disoriented when leaving familiar surroundings; it's upsetting for her and puts her anxiety through the roof. As much as your MIL may want to celebrate the baby, it could be difficult for her to be at a social event on unfamiliar ground where she doesn't know anyone.
I think a small get-together with your DH's side of the family would be entirely appropriate.
I agree- this is definitely an exception. Your DH should NOT be expecting you to be driving his family all over for YOUR shower, and then putting it on YOU to "babysit" them. You should absolutely be able to sit back and enjoy the shower as the guest of honor.
Who is hosting the shower? Perhaps ask them if you can "throw them under the bus" and tell DH that the host can only accomodate 15 people. And/or that the host wants it 'friends only'.
NO host should ever have to host more than they can accomodate.
As said- if your DH really wants to do something w/ his family, you can throw a "Meet the Baby" party after the baby is born.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10