Does it seem odd to you that...

alisonada · January 2010

friends of ours have asked Piper to be the flower girl in their wedding, but neither DH nor I are in the wedding.

Don't get me wrong - we are THRILLED for them, and we will definitely let Piper be their flower girl - we're honored, actually.

But a small part of me is kinda sad that DH and I aren't in the wedding. I just wondered if it's a frequent situation where the flower girl's parents aren't in the wedding (especially in a non-family situation)?

alizabethy · January 2010

My flower girls' parents weren't in our wedding. It was our way of asking their family to be a part of the event. And to be honest, we would have felt bad having all 4 of them have to buy dresses, rent tuxes, etc. Maybe your friend realizes how expensive it can be and doesn't want to inconvenience you? Anyway, try not to be offended

alisonada · January 2010

alizabethy:

My flower girls' parents weren't in our wedding. It was our way of asking their family to be a part of the event. And to be honest, we would have felt bad having all 4 of them have to buy dresses, rent tuxes, etc. Maybe your friend realizes how expensive it can be and doesn't want to inconvenience you? Anyway, try not to be offended

Thanks for the perspective :-) I'm really trying not to be offended - these are our dear friends and we're very happy for them. Who knows what their motives are? It's not our business anyway- I just would have loved to be in their wedding party.

Dani3679 · January 2010

Ryleigh's been the flowergirl in 2 of my cousin's weddings that I was not in. I think it's somewhat typical. It is a little odd if you are pretty close with them! Like PP said though, think of the money you'll be saving!

cat81305 · January 2010

I agree with PP. I feel the same way you do about my BEST friends wedding though. None of us are in her wedding and we are like sisters (have known her for over 24years now). It is sad but I will be there at her wedding to support her in her marriage. Was sad that she picked college and high school buddies over me. We hang out often and our boys are only 3 mths apart :-( It is hard to not wonder but I totally understand and each person makes their own decisions. Sorry you are not in the wedding but that is awesome that Piper is!!

alizabethy · January 2010

I totally understand. One of my best friends from when we were kids is engaged, and I really thought she'd ask me to be in her wedding. She was in mine (10 years ago, LOL) . Anyway, it's pretty clear that I am not a part of the wedding. Then I thought she'd ask for DS to be the ring bearer, and she didn't.

AgathiP04 · January 2010

Here is an odd situation for you....my 21 yr old SIL"s best friend (follow that?) is getting married. I know of her and who she is, but don't really know her. So my SIL invited her best friend to Niko's 3rd birthday party (wtf) and the best friend brought her mother and sister, too! Come to find out they were "scouting" Niko out as ring bearer!! How effing rude is that?? I still haven't gotten past that one. No one has asked Niko either. Perhaps they could tell how pissed I was that some strange family was at a small intimate gathering for my son.

Anyway, perhaps it is your friends' way of including you by asking Piper. I think it will be a fun day. You will be very much included as you will spend the whole day with them!

Moesten · January 2010

I have actually known quite a few people that have done this. I agree with PP, I think it's a way for the bride and groom to include family and friends they otherwise wouldn't have been able to or else the wedding party becomes outrageously large.

punkrawkmom44 · January 2010

I was a flower girl in 3 weddings my parents were not in when I was little, I think it happens often.

hannah&ben · January 2010

The other thing I thought was if you and your DH were in the wedding to you wouldn't be available to 'assist' if she didn't want to 'perform' kwim? Like if she is hesitant to walk down the aisle, gets nervous, cries, etc... (not that she'd do any of those things) but if it did happen you could help her better than anyone else.. but if you were standing up at the alter it would make a big deal if you had to come down in the middle of the procession. It just makes practical sense.

And, I was a flower girl twice when I was little in wedding my parent's weren't in either.

alisonada · January 2010

hannah&ben:

The other thing I thought was if you and your DH were in the wedding to you wouldn't be available to 'assist' if she didn't want to 'perform' kwim? Like if she is hesitant to walk down the aisle, gets nervous, cries, etc... (not that she'd do any of those things) but if it did happen you could help her better than anyone else.. but if you were standing up at the alter it would make a big deal if you had to come down in the middle of the procession. It just makes practical sense.

And, I was a flower girl twice when I was little in wedding my parent's weren't in either.

Good point. You're all right - it will be logistically easier, and much cheaper, for us this way.

Meg41208 · January 2010

My flowergirl's parents were not in the wedding. We didn't have a girl in the family, and the girl we asked was thrilled to death to do it.

kel716 · January 2010

I think choosing a bridal party is always difficult... and I do think it will work out best for you and your family. You'll still be there at all of the events, etc... without the expense.

FWIW, a friend of mine from high school did not ask me to be in her wedding and instead asked another friend of mine. She commented to me about a year later she wished she could have switched that... we keep in touch and they don't. But I think it's hard to get that perspective in the planning process.

teacherjess · January 2010

It is tough when this happens, but at many of the weddings I've been to, the flower girl's and ring bearer's parents were not in the wedding. Wedding motives are sneaky. My best friend from childhood who I still talk to regularly mentioned awhile back that she only wants family in her bridal party-- sister, cousins, aunts, etc. I was initially SO sad, because she was in my wedding, and then I realized I'd probably enjoy it more without the stress and cost of being in the wedding, and also I know how important her family is to her, and I can see how this cuts down on any drama with other friends. It is hard, though.

riabiron · February 2010

My sister watches my neice quite a bit and takes her to a ton of her fraternity functions. She has become thier mascot. One of my sister's good friends and fraternity brothers is getting married and asked to have my niece as a flower girl. I am not sure she has ever met my sister who is my niece's mom.

Just kinda depends on the situation.

Brougham7-15-06 · February 2010

I don't think it is odd at all. I would think it was odd if you guys were best friends and only your DD was in it, but even still they aren't really "obligated" to have anyone.

In our wedding, BIL and his 2 daughters were in our wedding, but not his wife. But I am not the type to involve people because others think I should.

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