Question for those who've had a miscarriage

mrs.peeps · February 2010

Can you ever enjoy a future pregnancy without being a nervous wreck?

The reason I ask is because I'm home from my 2nd D&C. I thought this pregnancy was different--my Beta numbers were very high and rising nicely, and at 6 weeks we heard a heartbeat. I was overjoyed...and let myself believe that in August/September we would be holding a beautiful baby. When we went back for another ultrasound the end of last week, there was no heartbeat, and I was/am devastated. I allowed myself to get excited before we were out of the 1st trimester.

For those of you who have had miscarriages, were you a nervous wreck during future pregnancies? When did you let yourself "believe" that it was a viable pregnancy?

Thanks for reading...I am mostly a lurker but this has been heavy on my mind and heart.

Kari

Temp655608750006792 · February 2010

It took me till about 20 weeks to stop looking at my TP after I wiped (sorry if that is TMI). It is possible but it took me awhile! Hang in there sweetie.

Peach&Fireworks · February 2010

I am very sorry you had to go through this again. I had a m/c at 12 weeks after seeing what looked like a very healthy baby at 8. For this pregnancy, I was able to relax after that 12 week mark. That was a major milestone for me, mentally. My OB knew I was really nervous so they did a really quick u/s at my 12 week visit to peek at our baby. I really appreciated them doing that. Hang in there, you will get your sticky baby! Go over to Precnancy After Loss - it's a very supportive board. I'm over there a good bit

). They don't have the drama that the other boards do!

mrsd0907 · February 2010

Don't lose hope! I wasn't able to relax until after the second trimester honestly. Even though I tried to be positive, it's so hard after going through something like that. I believed everything would be ok after the second tri and DH was really good about keeping me positive. Hugs! Don't give up and good luck!!

susangilchrist · February 2010

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My MC was probably the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. I was a nervous wreck with my pregnancy after the MC. I literally checked the toilet paper every time until around 25 weeks. I MC naturally with almost no warning the first time, so I knew how quickly things could go wrong. After about 25 weeks though I was completely relaxed. I knew that if she were born any point after then that she would stand a pretty good chance. I also agree with PP, head over to the pregnancy after loss board. The pregnancy loss board was too sad for me.

mingaling2 · February 2010

I'm so sorry. I was extremely nervous until I was at least 18 weeks, but even then I always worried a little bit. It's just not something I could let go of in my mind.

yellowtulips80 · February 2010

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry about your loss. *hugs*

Temp655608750006792 · February 2010

Oh, the pregnancy loss board was a major help for me. It is sad but it was really helpful for sure!

keg · February 2010

First of all, (((hugs))) to you...

I'm a little different than many since I went through 3+ years of IF before I got pg, and then I had an ectopic (thankfully caught early and treated with drugs). Then I got pg with twins. Honestly, I didn't really start to really think that I'd have a baby (or 2) until after I hit the viability mark at 24 weeks and really didn't start relaxing until probably after 30 weeks. With a singleton, I might have been different and felt more confident after the first tri, or at least by the 20 week u/s. Good luck to you...

mrs.peeps · February 2010

Thanks everyone! I guess I just feel foolish for getting excited after we heard the heartbeat. I should have known to be guarded, but after seeing the heartbeat...I let myself believe.

Thanks for all of your advice and kind words!

UGAbride · February 2010

I am so sorry for your loss! I was very guarded till after the 20 week u/s, when the baby checked out perfectly. Even then, I always had it in the back of my mind "what if", all the way up until I checked in the hospital to be induced and the baby was on a monitor.

julienandy · February 2010

I am so sorry about your losses. I have had 2 - one early - never saw a heartbeat, one 2nd trimester...well I delivered early at 24weeks and my son died after 8 days.

I think with a subsequent pregnancy after a loss or multiple losses, you just have to take it day by day. For me, I celebrated milestones with my successful pregnancy....seeing the heartbeat, making past the point I went into labor with my son, making it past when I delivered my son. I was scared most of the time, but I forced myself to celebrate to try to enjoy best I could. I also found a doctor - team of doctors actually - who were great with women who have been through a loss. My RE, Perinatolgist and OB all held my hands and tried to make it as easy as possible. They all let me know I coudl go in anytime I needed and I did have lots of ultrasounds for reassurance.

I was very active on some boards for women who had been through similar losses and were pregnant...that helped as well.

SO sorry for your losses. Make sure you give yourself some time to grieve as that is also very important.

rara855 · February 2010

First off Hugs. A miscarriage is never fun, much less the D&C. To be honest. It took me until about 20 weeks. My belly was big, I could feel him moving. I think at that point I let myself take a big deep breath, up until that point I was nervous. I honestly took about 20 BFP tests during my first trimester I just kept expecting to have another one. It is no fun to feel that way for sure but, it does lessen the further into the pregnancy you get. Hugs Again. Take care of your self.

Daisy22 · February 2010

I was really really nervous until after 20wks but then I got nervous again at 24wks due to PTL issues. I didn't really enjoy Bailey's pregnacy that much at all.I just wanted him here. I wish I could but after the m/c and other stuff it was just so scary. I'm sorry you've gone through 2. It sucks!!! HUGS!!!!

JoelsGirl07 · February 2010

I haven't been in your boat, but I just wanted to send some hugs your way! I have PCOS and low thyroid and I was NEVER not nervous before we went in for a check up or ultrasound because I was so sure that was going to be the day E wasn't there anymore. I can't imagine how hard that has been for you, but hang in there....soon we will be looking at gorgeous pics of your sticky bean!

Deannabee78 · February 2010

I'm sorry you had to go through that a second time ((hugs)) I know how hard it is...I waited almost 1 year (actually conceived the month I had been due with the first) to try and get pregnant again. I was pretty stressed when I got pregnant again but took progestrone supplements for the first 12 weeks or so. That made me feel a little better since I knew the dr.'s had a plan. Good luck and hang in there!

Melliebugs · February 2010

I am so so so sorry. I have had two miscrriages and both were devastating. I have always heard once there is a heartbeat you are safe...I am finding out that just isn't always the case. With my second I had very high numbers and was shocked that it didn't work out. I was very fortunate to get my three pregnancies all back to back so on the third the one that finally stuck...I was overjoyed from the beginning and didn't dwell on the what ifs. It was completely out of my hands. I also already had two babies so it may have been different for me than for the others. I knew eventually I woudl get what I wanted. Take care and if you feel out of control with your emotions get your Dr to give you something to help you along. I did and I am so happy I did. That really helped me to get my emotions in check. Hugs to you. It sucks!

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