Community› The Bump Message Boards› Baby Showers
Baby Showers
New Discussion

Declining a Shower Host

BeaninBeanin member
in Baby Showers
What is a polite way to decline when someone wants to throw you a baby shower? My Dad's second wife wants to for me. She threw my bridal shower and it was ok but she was psycho about me thanking her constantly for it. I know she'll be offended if I say no thank you. I honestly don't want her that involved because she has some issues.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Declining a Shower Host

  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    Do you have another shower planned? If so, just say "that is so sweet of you to offer. I really appreciate it. I already have another ___( 1,2- however many) planned and I really don't feel comfortable w/ another. But again, thanks so much for the offer!"
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • mscars10s@juno.commscars10s@juno.com member
    I think it is early enough you can say something like "I hadn't really thought about a shower yet, can we talk about it later" and then hopefully by 'later' someone else will have offered.
    Report Reply
  • MomE2BeMomE2Be member
    I am trying to figure out the same thing... except I already said yes, and now i feel obligated to let her throw me one... But she is crazy psycho, and my hubby and I don't trust her with our baby what so ever, she put my sister's 2 week old baby on her belly in her crib when she got bored of her... and when my sisters baby had a diaper rash she told my sister that she thinks her husband is molesting her child and she should divorce him and go to court... Didn't know all this til yesterday, but it definitely is something she would do. FYI.. this is my mother =( So... how do you say no to mom too?? I hope you get some answers, cuz i need them too!!! Surprise
    Report Reply
  • nooniesgalnooniesgal member
    I like the idea of saying that you have already been approached by someone to host it for you, but you want to thank her for being generous..yadda, yadda, yadda :)
    Report Reply
  • hopefulmomhopefulmom member

    If someone else has offered just say you have one planned.  Or like the other pp said...it's early yet.  Just ask if you can discuss it at a later date.

    As for MomE2Be...since it is your actual mom who wants to host your shower...it would probably be impossible not to allow her to.  As for what she did with your sister's baby and what she said...what does that have to do with your shower?  BTW...my kids (4 of them) all slept on their tummies almost from the first week.  They slept MUCH better that way.  When you were born we were told to put babies on their tummies so if they spit up they wouldn't suffocate on it (she is probably remembering that).

    Report Reply
  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    MomE2Be - realize that her being your "mom" doesn't give her a right to watch your child.  If you don't feel safe w/ her watching your baby, then you don't let her.  Period.  The safety of your child always has to come first above her being "mom" or above her feelings.

    My IL's would love to watch DS - but they just aren't physcially capable of it.  While it sucks to say "no" - he comes first.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

    Report Reply
  • iheartnutellaiheartnutella

    I agree w/ PP - if you're already being thrown a shower, just tell her as much and that everyone you would want to invite is going to be invited to that one, so a second would be redundant, but thanks.  If no one else has offered yet, just tell her you'd like to wait awhile to start thinking about showers and registries, etc, and don't bring it back up.  You could always level with her and be like "I really appreciated the bridal shower you threw for me, but I could tell how much work it was for you, and I couldn't possibly ask you to work that hard on a party for me again.  I would love you for to come to the shower so-and-so is throwing me though."  Hopefully she would get the hint that she's psycho and not push this issue.

    Report Reply
  • *LuckyMermaid**LuckyMermaid*

    Well, I think it is not very gracious to decline the offer due to your MIL expectations that she be thanked over it a lot. If she somehow botched your shower then I could see how this attitude would be merited, but just insisting that you thank her alot is something relatively easy to live with. You can also give her a nice gift which is supposed to be "thank you" in a nutshell.

    In any event, I'm not sure there is a way to politely decline the offer to throw a shower. No matter what you do the person being rebuffed will feel as if you are snubbing them. The only polite way to handle it is to allow the woman to do something for you. It doesn't necessarily have to be a full baby shower. Though I don't understand the new practice, there is a new thing called a "sprinkle". 

    You could let her know that you would prefer a "sprinkle" some evening. That it would be small...you could have mocktails & fingerfoods. This could be an opportunity to get practical gifts like medical supplies, diapers and other everyday items. This way she feels as if she is contributing but you can have a traditional shower thrown by someone you would prefer. That shower can include more clothes and bigger items.

    This might be more polite in IMHO. HTH. 

     

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"