Clicky Poll: Did you have success with Ferber (or modified versions of it) sleep training?

SCBride2007 · January 2010

See poll[Poll]

HopingForOne · January 2010

I find the term "sleep training" to be very bizarre.

(I know you didn't invent it)

I also think it's inaccurate to call it a "need". If your little one is just starting to fight sleep, I think that there are plenty of things you can try prior to Ferber that could be very beneficial, without the risks associated with sleep training.

Just my thoughts

Pumpkin111 · January 2010

HopingForOne:

I find the term "sleep training" to be very bizarre.

(I know you didn't invent it)

I also think it's inaccurate to call it a "need". If your little one is just starting to fight sleep, I think that there are plenty of things you can try prior to Ferber that could be very beneficial, without the risks associated with sleep training.

Just my thoughts

EL OH EL

see below siggy. She's clearly suffering from some serious issues because of ther Ferber method. It's amazing his books are even on the shelves with all of the damage he's inflicted!!!

HopingForOne · January 2010

So, because your kid is fine, that means that there must be no risks at all? That doesn't make any sense.

If you want to "Ferberize", I am not going to call you a crappy parent for it. I realize it is a very common thing for people to do. But it seems silly to not try ANY other method first.

megontoast · January 2010

HopingForOne:

I find the term "sleep training" to be very bizarre.

(I know you didn't invent it)

I also think it's inaccurate to call it a "need". If your little one is just starting to fight sleep, I think that there are plenty of things you can try prior to Ferber that could be very beneficial, without the risks associated with sleep training.

Just my thoughts

what exactly are the risks? i've never heard of any, but then again.. I didn't do much research. I tried a very loose, modified version of Ferber and after 2 nights she was falling asleep with no problems and staying asleep for 10-12 hours.

SCBride2007 · January 2010

Maybe I shouldn't have said "need to sleep train." We need to find something that works. Up until recently, putting her down was so so so easy. Feed her, put her in the crib, she's out until 6:30am. Then she got a really bad cold, then a double ear infection, and since then she's up again once or twice a night (for comfort only), and screams when we try to put her to bed at night.

We need to find something that works for her.

SCBride2007 · January 2010

megontoast:
HopingForOne:

I find the term "sleep training" to be very bizarre.

(I know you didn't invent it)

I also think it's inaccurate to call it a "need". If your little one is just starting to fight sleep, I think that there are plenty of things you can try prior to Ferber that could be very beneficial, without the risks associated with sleep training.

Just my thoughts

What was your version, if you don't mind me asking?

what exactly are the risks? i've never heard of any, but then again.. I didn't do much research. I tried a very loose, modified version of Ferber and after 2 nights she was falling asleep with no problems and staying asleep for 10-12 hours.

HopingForOne · January 2010

SCBride2007:

Maybe I shouldn't have said "need to sleep train." We need to find something that works. Up until recently, putting her down was so so so easy. Feed her, put her in the crib, she's out until 6:30am. Then she got a really bad cold, then a double ear infection, and since then she's up again once or twice a night (for comfort only), and screams when we try to put her to bed at night.

We need to find something that works for her.

First of all, I'm sorry about the problems she's had - that's a lot to handle all close together!

Given what she's been through recently, if you think she is waking up only for comfort - I'd think she needs the comfort. Maybe focus more on the getting her to bed without screaming part.

What part makes her scream? Being laid down?

HopingForOne · January 2010

*duplicate post*

megontoast · January 2010

HopingForOne:

So, because your kid is fine, that means that there must be no risks at all? That doesn't make any sense.

If you want to "Ferberize", I am not going to call you a crappy parent for it. I realize it is a very common thing for people to do. But it seems silly to not try ANY other method first.

Well, that's a pretty huge assumption that we didn't try ANY other method first.

Also, isn't it our jobs as parents to teach/train our children to do things that are necessary for living.. like sleeping, eating, going potty, etc? I don't see the big deal with the term "sleep training". Do you have the same issues with the term "potty training"?

HopingForOne · January 2010

Megan - I apologize if I implied that you didn't try anything first. That part was not directed at you.

SCBride2007 · January 2010

HopingForOne:

*duplicate post*

Putting her down. The second she is out of our arms, it's all wails!

SCBride2007 · January 2010

megontoast:
HopingForOne:

I find the term "sleep training" to be very bizarre.

(I know you didn't invent it)

I also think it's inaccurate to call it a "need". If your little one is just starting to fight sleep, I think that there are plenty of things you can try prior to Ferber that could be very beneficial, without the risks associated with sleep training.

Just my thoughts

what exactly are the risks? i've never heard of any, but then again.. I didn't do much research. I tried a very loose, modified version of Ferber and after 2 nights she was falling asleep with no problems and staying asleep for 10-12 hours.

What was your version, if you don't mind me asking.

HopingForOne · January 2010

SC - hmmm. That's a toughie. My LO has done this a handful of times. Sometimes, there is not a lot that works, other than standing at the crib beside her, talking to her soothingly. Rubbing her belly slowly seems to help (or any other repetitive motion), putting on something with white noise.

Also, I find that with her, when she's like this (which seems, for her at least, to be a problem of being able to relax) she's VERY sensitive to light. I don't know if your daughter is the same way, but with her, I have to make sure no night light is on, no hall light is on - I even have to make sure the light on the Angel Monitor is off!

megontoast · January 2010

SCBride2007:
megontoast:
HopingForOne:

I find the term "sleep training" to be very bizarre.

(I know you didn't invent it)

I also think it's inaccurate to call it a "need". If your little one is just starting to fight sleep, I think that there are plenty of things you can try prior to Ferber that could be very beneficial, without the risks associated with sleep training.

Just my thoughts

What was your version, if you don't mind me asking?

what exactly are the risks? i've never heard of any, but then again.. I didn't do much research. I tried a very loose, modified version of Ferber and after 2 nights she was falling asleep with no problems and staying asleep for 10-12 hours.

First, we stopped letting her fall asleep in her swing out in the living room with us. That was a main reason she was upset later when she woke up in a different place than where she fell asleep.

Then, we did the "progressive waiting" thing, but we didn't let it go past 7 minutes. She never cried that hard, just fussed around and stood up in her crib whining for us. Also, when she woke up at night, instead of running in to get her immeidiately, we would wait a few minutes. 90% of the time,she would fall right back asleep. The times she didn't, she usually ended up needing a feeding.

We only needed to do anything for about 2 days. The third day, she was happy as a clam and would fall asleep right away and stay asleep.

Oh, also we created a routine for bedtime. After dinner it was playtime, then a bath, bottle, brush teeth, book, bed. She got used to the routine and knew that bed time was coming!

megontoast · January 2010

HopingForOne:

Megan - I apologize if I implied that you didn't try anything first. That part was not directed at you.

Ok! Left Hug zombie hugs! Right Hug

SCBride2007 · January 2010

megontoast:
SCBride2007:
megontoast:
HopingForOne:

I find the term "sleep training" to be very bizarre.

(I know you didn't invent it)

I also think it's inaccurate to call it a "need". If your little one is just starting to fight sleep, I think that there are plenty of things you can try prior to Ferber that could be very beneficial, without the risks associated with sleep training.

Just my thoughts

What was your version, if you don't mind me asking?

what exactly are the risks? i've never heard of any, but then again.. I didn't do much research. I tried a very loose, modified version of Ferber and after 2 nights she was falling asleep with no problems and staying asleep for 10-12 hours.

First, we stopped letting her fall asleep in her swing out in the living room with us. That was a main reason she was upset later when she woke up in a different place than where she fell asleep.

Then, we did the "progressive waiting" thing, but we didn't let it go past 7 minutes. She never cried that hard, just fussed around and stood up in her crib whining for us. Also, when she woke up at night, instead of running in to get her immeidiately, we would wait a few minutes. 90% of the time,she would fall right back asleep. The times she didn't, she usually ended up needing a feeding.

We only needed to do anything for about 2 days. The third day, she was happy as a clam and would fall asleep right away and stay asleep.

Oh, also we created a routine for bedtime. After dinner it was playtime, then a bath, bottle, brush teeth, book, bed. She got used to the routine and knew that bed time was coming!

Thanks! We plan on doing something similar. I cannot imagine letting it go past 5 or so minutes. I am a softie... this is going to be so tough for me. We have a routine, so that's good. Hopefully this will work for her.

megontoast · January 2010

We put it off for a long time. We didn't start until almost 10 months, but it was starting to wear on DH and I both pretty hard. DH and I are both big softies, we hate hearing her cry so I thought it was going to be the worst possible thing for me EVER. But one night I was so physically and mentally exhausted from various things in my life, so I just went for it. I put her down in her crib, gave her kisses and walked out. I could hear her start up as soon as I shut the door. I waited about 2 minutes, went back in, gave her kisses and laid her back down. She gave me a big fat sad face, grabbed her blanky and snuggled it, whimpered for a few minutes and was out within 1 minute. Night 2 was even easier. She only cried (i hate to even say cry, because it was more like a whine/grunt thing) for 2 minutes and was passed out.

Good Luck! And please don't hesitate to ask more questions if things aren't going smooth. There are a lot of women on here who will tell you that you shouldn't use the method, but there are also a lot of us who have had success. Every baby is different and what works for one doesn't always work for the next. Try to get the advice you can use and brush off the rest!

HopingForOne · January 2010

Try to be patient. I KNOW it's hard (I for one do NOT handle sleep deprivation well - thank God for giving me an easy baby!). But hopefully, (well hopefully is a weird way to word what I'm about to say, but I think you know what I mean) the sleep regression is just related to her recovery from her illnesses, and that it will resolve over time. Maybe she's just extra needy now, and needs more of her (exhausted) parents. She might not be 100% just yet (even if she is physically, maybe not emotionally)

Megan - zombie hugs, hee hee. They DO look like creepy zombies. I also want to let you know that waiting 7 minutes for fussiness is not something I'd have a big problem with. I do have trouble accepting the "It only took 45 minutes of screaming before my child went to sleep", I admit. Because at that point, they are probably falling asleep due to sheer exhaustion, not because they relaxed enough to do so....does that make sense?

HopingForOne · January 2010

"She gave me a big fat sad face, grabbed her blanky and snuggled it,"

Holy - guilt central :P

megontoast · January 2010

HopingForOne:

Try to be patient. I KNOW it's hard (I for one do NOT handle sleep deprivation well - thank God for giving me an easy baby!). But hopefully, (well hopefully is a weird way to word what I'm about to say, but I think you know what I mean) the sleep regression is just related to her recovery from her illnesses, and that it will resolve over time. Maybe she's just extra needy now, and needs more of her (exhausted) parents. She might not be 100% just yet (even if she is physically, maybe not emotionally)

Megan - zombie hugs, hee hee. They DO look like creepy zombies. I also want to let you know that waiting 7 minutes for fussiness is not something I'd have a big problem with. I do have trouble accepting the "It only took 45 minutes of screaming before my child went to sleep", I admit. Because at that point, they are probably falling asleep due to sheer exhaustion, not because they relaxed enough to do so....does that make sense?

I'm right there with ya on this! That is exactly why I waited so long to try this method. I just kept hearing so many horror stories of babies screaming themselves to sleep. And since I didn't really do any of my own research in the begining, I was only seeing what was being posted on here. It was only after 3 different bumpies in the same week posted success stories using methods similar to what I did, telling me that they didn't have to hear 45, 30 or even 15 minutes of "please mommy I want you" crying. I figured it was worth a shot.

If anything, the most helpful suggestions in his book were about sleep associations. We were letting DD fall asleep in her swing and then transferring her to her crib. So, she would wake up later and being scared since she was in a new place. Also, the bedtime routine was not something we did before I read his book. I think the routine and then putting her down in her crib awake were the two biggest factors in the success of the method (for us).

Pumpkin111 · January 2010

HopingForOne:

So, because your kid is fine, that means that there must be no risks at all? That doesn't make any sense.

If you want to "Ferberize", I am not going to call you a crappy parent for it. I realize it is a very common thing for people to do. But it seems silly to not try ANY other method first.

So, please enlighten me on all of these risks? (honestly - not being mean here...) What exactly is wrong with going in at intervals and soothing? Do you know what the Ferber method is? It is not anywhere close to full blown CIO, which is what I believe you are getting confused with.

And are you inferring that I popped her out and ferbered from the moment she was home from the hospital? If so... that's insane. Of course we did other options that didn't work out.

It's frustrating for folks to not understand that having your child wake every thirty minutes - living exhausted - is far more cruel (imo) than spending 3 days utilizing a method that worked brilliantly in teaching her to soothe herself.

Pumpkin111 · January 2010

And to the OP, if your LO is sick or teething, please don't do any version of CIO. She'll get back into the swing of things when she's better for sure. We just had 3 teeth come in at the same time and were co-sleeping all week.

PM me if you have any questions about Ferber and GL!!

HopingForOne · January 2010

Meg - the fact that babies get upset when they go to sleep in one place and wake up in another makes complete sense, but it NEVER even occurred to me until I read it in a book. I mean, I would probably be upset if I woke up somewhere else than where I went to bed, but...I never made that connection with a baby. It's so true though.

Pumpkin - I have read about Ferber. Some of it seems okay to me . I'll admit, I'm getting the impression from the posts on here that people I know (IRL) might be warping the Ferber philosophy, as I have heard a LOT about full-blown CIO...and yes, sadly, starting pretty much when LO arrives home from the hospital (and yes - I do know that THAT is NOT recommended by Ferber - young babies are not "supposed" to be STTN that young!)

And no, I did not assume that you didn't try anything else....??? Not sure where you got that from.

So I apologize for any misunderstanding.

What frustrates me is that i find, on this board, anyone who is anti-CIO gets criticized. I try my best to express my opinion respectfully (I probably fail, but I try!) but I really feel like I'm not "allowed" to just because it might not match the majority. Which is unforunate.

Suparstarz714 · January 2010

iI voted yes best thing ever-- we did a modified feeberFerber. it was great ds didntdidn't cry much, he slept most of the night... and than iI got weak and we r back to square 1-- waking every 2 hours (or more), not going back in his crib-- ugh-- itsit's aweful!!

HopingForOne · January 2010

That is one cute Santa!

Pumpkin111 · January 2010

You should talk to JoeBunny sometime about how her opinion on Ferber changed.

(I'm just going from memory here so forgive me, JB, if I get some detail wrong.) She said that she was very against it when she had her daughter.. but that babe STTN around 8 weeks. With her son, who did not STTN until 8 months, she decided to employ a sleep training method.

I think it's pretty easy to look down on Ferber and CIO when you haven't spent at least 6 months up every half hour. I hope no one has to go through what I and many others have, but you tend to judge a lot less when you've been there and are seeing your family suffer.

HopingForOne · January 2010

It's hard not to make generalizations on an internet site, Pumpkin. But of course, if I knew someone who was having the trouble you were, I would completely understand doing what you did (I would not understand letting a child scream for 45 minutes, unless you did that because it was between that and throwing the kid out a window, but again, not what you did)

However, I do not really understand pre-planned sleep training. "When my baby hits 6 months, I will sleep train". Why? Why NOT try other, possibly more gentle methods, first? If one of a baby's needs is to feel emotionally secure at all times, it seems to be that someone would want to try a variety of other methods before going to one that involves leaving a child alone to cry. Just my opinion.

Thanks for not completely crucifying me for my difference of opinion, though

Suparstarz714 · January 2010

HopingForOne:
That is one cute Santa!

thanks!

iI also want to add about ferberFerber-- it isntisn't like you r abandoning your lo in the crib...

HopingForOne · January 2010

I know it isn't really, but to a baby, it might feel that way. But yes, I realize that with Ferber, you go back and check in on them after a certain time. Yes?

But there are other "methods" of sleep training that really do seem to involve ignoring/abandoning baby. (I put methods in quotations because I'm not sure if they are real recommendations or something people just randomly make up)

Suparstarz714 · January 2010

iI would love to rock ds to sleep, iI think now he prefers to go to sleep on his own. when he gets tired he wontwon't let me rock him- as soon as iI put him in his crib, turn on his orchestra (scout, mobile, cd, and seahorse) he is good to go--- but than he is up in a few hours

like iI said ds didntdidn't really cry too much with ferberFerber-- but he has figured out that mommy is tired in the middle of the night and if he keeps waking up he can come in our bed. and now that is what happens.

any advice for this??

iI try giving him his paci, and singing/ soothing him in the crib. if that doesntdoesn't work, iI pick him up and rock him-- and if he is still fussy, iI nurse him-- and than he is out, but wakes up several more times...

wellfleet04 · January 2010

I'm not JOEBunny, but my experience was similar. I was VERY anti-sleep training with my DD. But I had that luxury. I only had one kid, and she slept pretty well on her own without me having to do anything. My second kid? Not so much. Up every 1-2 hours. Taking forever to get back down. Waking up my first kid. Not napping, and I was a crap mom to both of them because I was so freaking tired.

Sooo....we tried Ferber (by the book, not some fly by night method). It didn't work. We tried Sleep Lady and it worked like a charm. He now STTN after 4 nights of Sleep Lady.

I will say that whatever method you chose, consistency is important. YOu have to commit. If you do some kind of modified, inconsistent plan, a LOT of kids never get it, and you are just making them cry without teaching them anything. Do some research and find a method you feel comfortable sticking with before you start. Actually buy and read the books, don't rely on people on here. That's my advice. GL!

erindawn · January 2010

I have litterally talked to 5 pediatricians about CIO methods (we have friends who are doctors, who know doctors, etc.) and they all say there is no proven risk of letting a baby cry for up to a few hours even. If there were, all those colicky babies would have major issues. The thing is, they only CIO for a few days, not months, and generally not even hours. Studies done on children who cry then have detachment issues are done on kids in orphanages that literally are left alone for YEARS.

So, we're on day 4 of Ferber ourselves and it's going well. Night 1 had about 45min. of crying, night 2 about 20, night 3 and 4 just whimpering. So far, the biggest issue we're still seeing is he wakes up super early regardless of when we put him down. Trying to figure out that issue, but it's going just fine for us.

Good luck. Frankly, I say do it before it gets worse and you ingrain the bad sleep behaviors.

NandN2005 · January 2010

erindawn:
I have litterally talked to 5 pediatricians about CIO methods (we have friends who are doctors, who know doctors, etc.) and they all say there is no proven risk of letting a baby cry for up to a few hours even. If there were, all those colicky babies would have major issues. The thing is, they only CIO for a few days, not months, and generally not even hours. Studies done on children who cry then have detachment issues are done on kids in orphanages that literally are left alone for YEARS.

This exactly. I mostly only lurk, but it's so refreshing to see common sense being applied, that I had to say something. THANK YOU!

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Clicky Poll: Did you have success with Ferber (or modified versions of it) sleep training?

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