DH might be sleeping on the couch tonight!(Sorry,long)
So me and the DH just had a pretty big discussion where I did not end it happily.
My DH is in the National Gaurd and is up for reenlistment in November this year. This means that if he wants to get out at that point he can. Well about a week before Hudson was born, we found out that his group is being deployed to Afganistan in Summer of 11. The minute he found this out he said "I'm getting out" We both agrreed that we if we could help it, we did not want him gone so early in our sons life.
Well Hudson has been gone a month now, and the only thing it seems we talk about is when we can try again (we were thinking around 1st of April). But he decides to tell me tonight that he is wanting to stay in. He feels obligated to his friends that are going.
OK, WTF!?! The ONLY thing that has changed since we first talked about it is the fact that Hudson is gone. When Hudson was in the picture, he wasn't wanting to go. So now what, I'm not enough reason to stay anymore? Not only that shouldn't he be more worried about being there for ME right now, not his buddies? Especially because I'm the one who just lost a child!
I also told him that I WILL NOT purposely get pregnant knowing that he won't be there for it. So this means that if he goes, we will not have a baby for at least 3 years. How dare he take away the only thing I want in this world right now (a baby) I just feel really cheated right now. Just another stab in my already broken heart. I don't know how to respond to this. I feel like he is being very selfish in a time where I could use some compassion.
Sorry it was so long but I REALLY needed to vent that. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed cause if I talk to him, I will probably say something I regret.
Re: DH might be sleeping on the couch tonight!(Sorry,long)
I can understand why you are mad at him. I don't think it has anything to do with you not being enough of a reason for him to stay home, but maybe it is hard for him to be home after the loss. His way of dealing with things may be avoidance.
I think you guys definitely need to talk, but I think cooling off first is important. He needs to understand how you feel and why it's important to be home if you guys are going to start a family. I would also tell him about how having a baby is the only thing you want right now and how it makes you feel that he doesn't understand. I would also give him the opportunity to air his feelings out and why it's so important for him to go (something tells me it's not just for his friends).
I hope after you guys talk you can come to an agreement. I know that since I had my miscarriage I've needed my husband more than ever. I'm sorry you are having such a rough night. I hope things turn out ok.
I can understand your frustrations. I'm a Marine wife. DH re-enlisted when DS was 8 months old, and he was deployed 6 months later. It was something we decided as a couple. He is up for re-enlistment soon, and we decided that it was the right thing to do. The important word was "we".
I wanted to add a little more perspective as well. With the economy the way it is, and wanting to start a family, re-enlisting might not be the worst idea. Secondly, it is easier for children if the parent deploys earlier in their life. Your future child wouldn't know the difference. It is certainly harder on you, but it will be hard no matter when he leaves.
DS was 15 months old when DH deployed. He came home just before DS's second birthday. DS didn't know the difference. DH integrated right back into our lives without a problem. For a couple of weeks, DS would ask about daddy, but he quickly adapted. Seven months after DH came home, he deployed again for another 6 months. It was harder that time because DS was a little older and realized that daddy was gone. We used the webcam consistently and always had pictures around which helped. Once again, DH integrated back into our lives without a problem. DH is set to deploy again in 2011 as well in all likelihood.
It is a personal decision between the two of you. He shouldn't make this decision without you, but please don't think it is because you aren't enough for him. Many men feel that it is their obligation. You don't have to put your plans to TTC again on hold. It will all work out in the end if you choose to move forward with TTC. I've been there. I know how stressful it is, but it is doable.
Ohh wow. I think I would be feeling exactly like you are right now...
buuuut... I also kind of agree with what the last poster said. If your DH re-enlists, you guys are pretty "set" as far as like benefits and stuff go for your future baby. If he gets out, he'll probably also have to be making some "big" life changes, like figuring out what to do instead... if he doesn't find an ideal job for himself right away, that will be extra stress on your guys's marriage which you don't need. I know deploying is suuuper scary, (which I know YOU know already too), but it might not be the worst idea in the world! Take some time to cool down, and maybe make a pros and cons list. Really think about what the good rthings are that could come out of it, and you might surprise yourself!
I'm in no way saying that you shouldn't feel the way you do, because honestly I know I would feel the same way at first. I really hope you guys come to some kind of a mutual decision soon though - you don't need ANY extra stress right now.
Oh yeah, I wasn't pregnant yet, but Kurt decided to get out of the marines, and then *almost* changed his mind at the last second. I almost had a freaking heart attack, so I know how it SUCKS to have your heart set on one outcome and then find out that it might go the other way.
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