My fiance turned into an insensitive ass this week...long..

ellie31 · January 2010

After a day and night of watching football and drinking this past Sunday, my fiance blurts out while cuddling up to me, "I can't even get hard around you anymore". I think I said something like, "oh that's really nice..thank you" and he clumsily tried to talk his way out of it. I didn't talk to him for the rest of the night. I pretty much dropped it because he was drunk and he never said anything hurtful or mean before.

So, cut to today he calls me laughing that I won't believe what he bought. Unsure, I asked and he said the "Fleshlight". It's basically a mold of a porn star's vagina that men use to masterbate. I haven't seen "her" yet but I saw it online when he was looking at it before. He proceeds to tell me that it's awesome because it's shaved and it looks and feels better than real vagina. I giggled and told him he was sick but now I'm getting angry.

I admidt that during this pregnancy I haven't really tried to keep the sex alive. I just never got my desire back...at all, and it started to hurt when I got further along. We went from having sex almost every night pre-pregnancy, to almost nothing. I'm an unshaven mess (that we both joke about) and I am never in the mood..(although, I have been consistent with bj's this whole time)...

I'm just wondering why men don't f***ing think sometimes. I'm carrying his child and he is wondering why I can't have a silky smooth, tight porn star vagina at 29 weeks of pregnancy. UGH!!! I'm here constatly thinking about kick counts and motherhood and the health of our unborn baby girl and he's thinking about this s**t!!!!! What I am going to say is just wait till your new "girlfriend" get's pregnant. Her vagina is NOT going to look and feel like that anymore!!! A-HOLE!

Ok. I'm done venting. Thanks Ladies.

MrsColvin · January 2010

IMHO... I think you need to stop acting like it's not bothering you and stop laughing it off. Tell him how you feel and how his actions are upsetting you. These are things that you need to ne able to openly talk about! I hope things get better for you and completly agree he is being an a$$ but unless you tell him how you feel it only sounds like it's going to get worse!

shkdo0701 · January 2010

I am so sorry... That sucks...

Brytany09 · January 2010

Yeah that would not be allowed in my house. I would kick his unsensitive jerkface @ss right out the door.

Brytany09 · January 2010

Also, I agree with pp that you need to tell him how you are actually feeling. Otherwise, it will never change.

I'm sorry that all this is happening. Here is your cyber hug. *hug*

anabell0920 · January 2010

MrsColvin:
IMHO... I think you need to stop acting like it's not bothering you and stop laughing it off. Tell him how you feel and how his actions are upsetting you. These are things that you need to ne able to openly talk about! I hope things get better for you and completly agree he is being an a$$ but unless you tell him how you feel it only sounds like it's going to get worse!

I agree! Also just to let you know not all guys are like that. Sure dh and I are still having sex but if we weren't yah I am positive he would masturbate ( I know he still does anyway) which I don't mind in the least but he would never tell me something like your guy did even if it was true. Drunk or not that's just uncalled for. It's one thing for him to feel that way but quite another for him to tell you.

earthyaky · January 2010

MrsColvin:
IMHO... I think you need to stop acting like it's not bothering you and stop laughing it off. Tell him how you feel and how his actions are upsetting you. These are things that you need to ne able to openly talk about! I hope things get better for you and completly agree he is being an a$$ but unless you tell him how you feel it only sounds like it's going to get worse!

This.

He sounds like he is being crass and hurtful. Best to tell him straight up that those comments are hurtful.

sjc2005 · January 2010

Guys just don't get it, but ignorance is not an excuse. My hubby can be an ass at times too so I feel ya. I don't hold back how I feel about things AT ALL though lol. I guess I can really sound like a bia sometimes, but in my opinion, I have every right to. Until he goes through this and has his body taken over by another human being then he can shove it. I am not the type of prego that likes being pregnant. I just want the baby like asap! lol...I would def. tell him how you feel! And I would say it very firmly lol Good luck hun!

MrsColvin · January 2010

I would not suggest being b!tch about it! If you go that route when you talk to him he is likely to vet defensive and then just avoid you and the subject of sex altogether. And that will only lead to deeper problems in your relatioship!

foreignroyalty · January 2010

I am so hurt and mad for you.

The joking has to end here; I agree with that. You need to stop playing it off and let him know that hurts. and the whole fakegina thing is the worst timing ever and would get chucked out by me. You can't say something that mean, then buy a surrogate without it being a direct insult. I think I might also have to say no alcohol because that part of it scares me- that he'd come out with something like that when drinking.

G/L

ellie31 · January 2010

I agree with all of you and I do have to tell him how I feel and stop laughing it off. I must say that in his defense, he is usually very complimentary towards me. He says how beautiful I am and how he is so proud that I am doing so well with my pregnancy. We have a great relationship. But this week has been a bit awkward. He's been under a lot of stress with work lately and I don't want to get all bitchy on him right now.

The fake vagina thing is a bit much, but doesn't bother me because women use vibrators. But telling me he can't get hard around me was a low blow even if it is the truth.

Thank you for all of your support and advice.

Greyfaery · January 2010

MrsColvin:
IMHO... I think you need to stop acting like it's not bothering you and stop laughing it off. Tell him how you feel and how his actions are upsetting you. These are things that you need to ne able to openly talk about! I hope things get better for you and completly agree he is being an a$$ but unless you tell him how you feel it only sounds like it's going to get worse!

This! Guys are dumb. If you don't directly tell them what you think, they'll never get it.

UrbanLe1 · January 2010

Dude. He TOLD YOU ABOUT HIS FAKE VAGINA. That's honesty, my friend. He's not trying to hide anything from you, which probably means he doesn't feel guilty. In fact, he wants to share it with you. That's good. Honestly.

Just talk to him. It's one thing to giggle about it when he admits it--it's another thing to pretend it doesn't bother you at all. Just be honest--and tell him you can't wait to get back to having sex with him to, and you're sorry that it turns out that it's been hard for your during pregnancy. He should know--you should be honest with him, too. He might not know he's hurting your feelings if you joke back with him--they're dense like that.

And my DH masturbates all the time. Seriously. I know he does, and while he doesn't try to "hide it," he's certainly sensitive that he shouldn't make a big deal of it. It's good for guys to keep it active. What should we expect--that just because we aren't in the mood, they aren't? Not gonna happen. Be pleased your guy is open with you about what he needs.

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