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DH not on board

FinallyMrs.GFinallyMrs.G
in Adoption
So, I was excited last night about all the discussion we had here yesterday about adoptive breastfeeding and went home and explained it to my husband and he isn't being very supportive about it. This is something I can not do without his support obviously so I'm pretty crushed. He thinks it seems like a lot of hassle when we can just formula feed. I explained the benefits to him and still is not on board. Oh well, I tried. ;) 
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Re: DH not on board

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    I'm sorry to hear that.

    Why can't you do it without his support?

    And why does he think it's a hassle, if he's not the one doing it?

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  • FinallyMrs.GFinallyMrs.G
    It sounds to me I would need his moral support at least, from what I have read. I guess all the pumping sounds overwhelming to him. I'm going to research some more before I decide. I am also going to go talk to my doctor about it. It's something I think is important and until yesterday I thought I would have to go on a bunch hormones. Maybe after talking with my doctor he will come around. *Hoping*
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  • Go_DawgsGo_Dawgs member

    Formula feeding is much more of a hassle for the husband.  My best friend who is starting to wean her baby says that washing all of the bottles is such a pain.  Breastfeeding was hard to get a hang of for her, but once she did it was easy, a great experience, and didn't require lots of clean up like bottle feeding.

    I understand (sort of) if your DH is simply uncomfortable with the idea of you breastfeeding an adopted child.  However, if his reasoning is really that it's a hassle, that makes no sense.  You are the one who is going to have to do everything with breastfeeding, so it shouldn't matter to him if that's what you want to do!

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  • ksmeg78ksmeg78
    I wouldn't give up yet. My DH a lot of times isn't receptive to new ideas at first or anything he things sounds "weird". this can be anything from adopting to using cloth instead of paper towels in the kitchen. I'm the idea person. It takes him awhile to get used to it sometimes. So it may be something you can talk about a few times as time goes on and he may be okay with it. or you could do it anyway, though I agree it would be hard without emotional support. but I think a detailed discussion about why he is against it is a starting place. Is it that he is uncomfortable with hormones, is uncomfortable with you breastfeeding a non-bio kid, seems more hassle than formula feeding, etc? And then you can talk more about those things in particular over time. If it doesn't work out, I am sure everything will be fine. Feeding is a great time of bonding no matter how you do it. I just wouldn't necessarily take one "no" as the end of it if it's very important to you.
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  • MayDayGirlMayDayGirl member

    I'm sorry! How frustrating.

     

    But I wouldn't just give up.  Give him some time to think about it. My husband was a little weird about me bfing my DS past one, but he came around, and same with bfing the next baby...

    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • MayDayGirlMayDayGirl member
    oh and totally ditto about ff being more work for the DH!!!
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Pregnancy Ticker Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers image
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  • LMS05LMS05 member
    That's too bad! My friend BF her adopted DD. I think it's so beautiful and amazing. Maybe your DH will come around. It's probably just very unfamiliar. I'm sure my DH would have the same reaction.
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  • foundmylazybumfoundmylazybum

    I just have to say something about the argument about FF being more work for the husband. Sure--you could look at it that way..but..Breastfeeding--in way creates exclusivity for the woman and the child to bond, whereas FF creates an equal opportunity for both parents to feed the child, spend time with them--and bond. Also you are correct breastfeeding (not pumping and storing) absolutely creates more work for the woman! She has to get up in the middle of the night, 

    It's completely interesting to me, that in this instance breastfeeding would be brought up as this beautiful--wonderful experience--for the mother. But FF is thought of as "Work" for the father.

    Shouldn't simply the act of feeding the child--no matter HOW it is done--be a beautiful experience--for both parents?  

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  • WinWedWinWed
    imagefoundmylazybum:

    I just have to say something about the argument about FF being more work for the husband. Sure--you could look at it that way..but..Breastfeeding--in way creates exclusivity for the woman and the child to bond, whereas FF creates an equal opportunity for both parents to feed the child, spend time with them--and bond. Also you are correct breastfeeding (not pumping and storing) absolutely creates more work for the woman! She has to get up in the middle of the night, 

    It's completely interesting to me, that in this instance breastfeeding would be brought up as this beautiful--wonderful experience--for the mother. But FF is thought of as "Work" for the father.

    Shouldn't simply the act of feeding the child--no matter HOW it is done--be a beautiful experience--for both parents?  

    well said!

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