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Postpartum Depression
sweetadventure
member
Depression before the baby is born
sweetadventure
member
Hello,
I am so sorry for anyone to go through PPD or PPA. This might not be the right place to ask for help but I am not sure where to look. I don't know if this is completely unrelated but I haven't had my baby yet and I am having a really hard time. I struggled with depression before I got pregnant and was on and off medicine for it. My DH and I just got married this fall and were very careful to not have a baby -our plan was to wait several years (until after grad school, owning a house, etc.). We are having a baby now and although I know we are blessed and I am in love with our child, I have really rough days sometimes. I was so happy to marry my husband and just enjoy being his wife and newlyweds. It really hurts that we won't ever have that time. I have been so sick and I am sure that has affected my outlook -and, it has hurt my job search and I feel guilty about not contributing. I have no energy and barely any appetite. I am sure this is nothing to what you ladies are going through but I feel so terribly guilty for feeling like this. I never thought I would have moments of resenting my child. It is a horrible feeling. I cry about it a lot. I really want to be a good mother but I feel so overwhelmed. Hopefully, my mood changes soon but I never expected to feel like this about being pregnant so I am disappointed about that, too. Whenever I am brave enough to try to talk to anyone about it (friends or family), they say that I am being selfish and need to appreciate my baby. Am I the only mama to be to feel like this? I feel so alone. My dear friend and I were talking and I was trying to ask what motherhood and her pregnancy were really like and she said "wonderful. The best." I am happy for her but I thought maybe people glossed over the hard part but she really had no idea what I meant. Anyways, if you've read this novel of a post, thank you. If you have any tips or stories, I would love to hear them.
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Re: Depression before the baby is born
I was depressed before DD#1 was born. Some of it was likely there prior to being preggers, but got worse during, and even worse once I was on bedrest and isolated from everything. I can remember when she was born that it was like a dream, and out of body experience, and I did not feel that bond right away that I thought I should. (I have since learned that that is a myth, not all moms feel that right away, and it is normal not to for a few days, etc.). Anyway- things got better once I was on meds.
I started meds again right after DD#2 was born, but this time it was more for horrible anxiety and panic attacks than anything. I had lots of complications this time around, and everytime I turned around, something else would happen. I am glad to say that right now things are going well.
For you- I would say that you are in somewhat of a state of shock. You are early in your pregnancy, and have lots to think about. Having a baby for the first time is overwhelming, and then they are born! It is cliche- but I really believe it with all my heart- "There is never a right time to have a baby."- and that if you wait until the time is 'right'- you may never have one.
That said, do not feel bad for thinking the way you are. It sounds like anxiety, and likely not too far off what any newly pregnant mom may be thinking- just not all of us admit it, YKWIM?
Talk to your OB about this, and keep open lines of communication. It would be good to see a therapist for it before things get worse, if they are to get worse, that is.
First off, I'm very sorry you're going through such a tough time during the same time as your pregnancy. I've been there, trust me. I hope I don't let my mind get off topic, but I'm going to try to tell you a bit of my story. I'm not with my babys father, and we had a lot of troubles during most of my pregnancy. I also became very sick and couldn't work. Always exhausted with no appetite, just like you. I had massive panic attacks before pregnancy and was nervous when I had to stop taking my medication during pregnancy. Anyways, I started having massive depression during the end of my pregnancy. I was having a difficult time with knowing I was going to be doing all of the labor and delivery and first few weeks home without his father there to help and support us. I was also getting impatient trying to go into labor naturally to avoid my induction. Also, it was the Holidays and I had a lot of family things going on with drama and family members being ill and such. I hope it gives you some hope to know that I felt SO much better after I gave birth. Even the day of my induction right before I left there I was having a panic attack, depression, screaming and crying and throwing things across the room. I really hope the same happens for you that happened for me after I delivered. I instantly felt so much better. I wasn't depressed at all. I was no longer feeling guilty for no reason, weepy, irritable or like my life was hopeless.
I don't have any real advice but I hope you don't feel so alone and if you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me
Good Luck! You'll do GREAT!!
I was devastated when I got pg with DD. I did not want to be a mom. I had a handful of m/c while married to my ex-husband, each one more heartbreaking than the last, and I was done with it. Then, after XH and I separated, I had surgery for PCOS and endometriosis which made me suddenly fertile and I got pg with my boyfriend of only a few months during the first cycle after my surgery. The timing was all wrong, I was (and still am) in the midst of a costly drawn-out divorce. I hadn't known my boyfriend long at all. I was in financial ruin due to divorce and missing work for the unexpected surgery. I was stuck at a job I hated because I needed the insurance. I fell fast and hard into a deep depression.
I was insanely sick for the first 20 weeks, vomiting up to eight times a day, and the constant sickness added to my depression. I had moments of joy during my pregnancy, of course, but overall I was upset about it the whole time. I grew to love the baby inside of me, and we had a couple of scares with my pregnancy which added to my anxiety. Once the baby came, my depression was renewed, despite loving her so much. I was irritated with the nurses for bringing London into my rom when she was crying. I was exhausted, in pain, and depressed, and it felt like my feelings didn't matter anymore now that the baby was here. Guilt about my feelings compounded the depression, particularly since I had fertility issues. I felt terrible for resenting my little miracle baby. I hated and loved London at the same time.
I still feel bummed from time to time that the baby came so early on in our relationship, but I have learned that L's father (now my fiance) is the man for me. It stinks that we didn't have a lot of couple time, but both of our families are great about baby-sitting so that we can do things as a couple from time to time. FI's parens are even sending us to hawaii for a honeymoon when we can get married and baby-sitting while we're there.
Now, she is four months old, PPD has subsided for the most part, and I could not be happier with my new family. I love being a mom and we are planning TTC a sibling for L later this year. I thought I would never come around to being a mom, but now I'm one of the ones who wouldn't trade it for the world. Best of luck to you and your DH!
If you want to chat privately, feel free to send me a PM. Since you are still early in your pregnancy, you have time to accept the situation, and I bet you are excited about it at the end. If your friends aren't supportive, talk to your husband or a counselor. My FI was a wonderful source of support during the pregnancyand PPD. I had a hard time opening up to him about it at first but once I did, he did everything he could to help me feel better and take care of the baby.
I was totally devesated with DD. I went off the pill and got pg 2 weeks later. I cried day and night, night and day. I looked into getting an abortion and told DH that. Told my friends that, told everyone that. I was just not into it which was so odd bc I always wanted a family, always wanted kids.
I don't know if you are spiritual or religious. I was not at the time but I did believe in basics of Christianity. Around 12-14 weeks I just gave up my feelings to God and said -it is in your hands. This happened for a reason and the decision has been made for me.
I know that's a little to "WWJD" for some people but I was so broken down I didn't feel like there was anything else I could do but turn to God.
The rest of my pregnancy was amazing...until the newborn came and PPD hit. HOWEVER, we worked through that and my DD is the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life. It sure as hell didn't start out that way.
I hate to say it, but I've been totally guilty of both. I used to cast inward judgments of my sister in-law for HATING pregnancy. I justified it by thinking that because I was so excited to have a baby, obviously I would be the most vibrant, upbeat, incredibly excited mommy-to-be ever! Of course, now I'm 23 weeks and I almost called my planned delivery hospital to see if I could join the postpartum support group they host there before I deliver. I'm also a young mom (only recently graduated college, married in May, etc.) and after a long road including an unexpected and emotionally painful termination 20 months ago, I've had my fair share of roller coaster emotions.
Since conception, my husband (active duty military) has deployed for 7 months, my boss decided to switch me from my desk job to a more physically laborious job just three days after I announced that I was expecting, I can't find another job because of the pregnancy, and things that my 'friends' had been saying and certain jealousies about the marriage/pregnancy led to the whole work issue happening in the first place. So I lost most of my friends as well. At least, their trust. Needless to say, its hard to find a bright side of things.
And of course, the worst yet: I feel so guilty about not being able to connect with my little one. I was so excited to be that cute, perky, energetic, crazily excited pregnant lady but mostly I feel like crap. I can't sleep because of nightmares, I have horrible back pains from work, and I'm just not happy. At all... And I can't help but wonder how that will all carry over once my baby is finally here. So then I can add on worry about my ability as a mother... something I never questioned before these feelings took root!
To make a long post, well, not any longer: suffice it to say that I understand at least a small amount of what you're going through. Here's a quick prayer that neither of us is still on this discussion board once our babies are here. I wish you all the best - just know that what you feel now and what you feel later don't affect your ability to be a good mother. Sometimes actions speak louder than words and that fact that you chose your baby and that he or she was given to you speaks volumes about what you can do. Stick it through and don't let anyone make you feel bad about how your feeling. Listening to negative comments will only make you feel worse! Stay away from those that don't encourage the positive... You can do this! =D