- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
kimmygirl77
member
Advice please.......sorry long
kimmygirl77
member
I am pretty new around here. I did introduce myself a couple of weeks back. I mostly lurk, and comment sometimes. I have a problem with my sister. Any advice you have, please let me know, or point me to another board that might be able to help me.
I am pregnant and due in September. My sister has PCOS and has been trying to get pregnant for about 4 years. When I told her that I was pregnant, she hung up on me and will not take my phone calls. She has also told my Gma and my other sister that she is not happy for me, because she has been trying for so long and can't get pregnant. She also told my other sister that I am liar because I did not tell her that I was trying. My husband and I did not tell anyone. We felt it was our business. My Gma is really worried about her. My sister told her that she has nobody. Nobody understands how she feels. It is not fair for her, etc, etc.
Now, don't get me wrong, I knew my sister would not be happy. I new that she would be hurt inside. I did not expect her to lash out so much at me. I did not expect her to say hurtful things about me. I guess I expected her to still love me and deal with her own hurt privately. I really feel bad for her. I am thinking that she is so hurt that she wants to hurt everyone around her. (She also told my Gma that Gma has always favored me over her.)
So I don't know where to go from here....Should I wait for her to talk to me? Should I act like everything is fine once she does start talking to me again? Should I address her actions and the things she has said? Should I expect an apology? Or just let it go? I am more inclined to just let it go. But does that send a message that her behavior is ok?? I am confused on what to do.....Thank you in advance for the advice.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice please.......sorry long
How old is your sister? Because frankly she sounds like a juvenile. I'm sorry but to project her infertility issues on you is really crazy. Don't get me wrong I suffered from Infertility issues for 5 years and it would break my heart whenever I would see a pregnant woman, a little infant, etc... but I NEVER got upset at my friends who announced they were pregnant.
I would give her time and not even attempt to contact her. Once she does (if she does) I would let it go though. No point rehashing the actions of an irrational person.
She's taking this way too far.
I wouldn't ignore her, but I wouldn't exactly bring attention to her tantrums and pity party either.
Write her a note, send her a nice card expressing how much you love her and that you are sorry your pregnancy is emotionally difficult for her but that you are here for her if she needs support.
DO NOT apologize for being pregnant or acknowledge how she thinks you lied. DO NOT allow her to emotionally manipulate you. Just keep telling her that you are here for her if she needs you. Keep the baby information limited. In fact, I wouldn't share any details with her and keep everything low key around her. If she refuses you again, then pull back and just let her be. Other family members can console her and kick her in the butt as necessary.
I'm of the opinion that you probably had some inkling that she would take your pregnancy badly. I know she's your sister, but from what you describe, do you really want to be catering to this kind of person? Also, once you have the baby, do you really want to have her around your child for long periods of time? I would hate to think that she would be a jerk to your child, but if this behavior is not new, then I'd be worried.
What I would do in your situation is, don't call her and certainly don't apologize for being pregnant. If she calls you, I wouldn't bring anything up. If she starts getting nasty to you, I'd halt the conversation and tell her it's unacceptable and that you will not listen to her if she's going to be rude. You don't have to 'accept' her rude behavior. This is ridiculous.
You're pregnant, you don't needs this BS and this stress. I would not tolerate it. You seem to allow her to treat you in this manner, but do not change your boundaries with her. You need to start now. If you need help with that, I recommend seeking counseling. You should not allow someone to treat you like isht just because 'they're family'. Stand your ground for you and your impending baby.
My sister got pg (a huge surprise since her twins were 12 at the time and they weren't ttc ) while I was going through round after round of infertility treatments. When I heard the news, it was all I could do not to just hang up on her. I wasn't mad at her, I was just sad for me and I didn't want to cry. I was just numb. I might have made a few comments to my Mom about how unfair life was, it was a poor me kind of reaction. I never said anything bad to my sister though.
When you are dealing with IF it can be so hard to see pg people and babies especially in your own family or group of friends.. It doesn't excuse her behavior since she took it to an extreme though.
I would give her some time to deal with this and I wouldn't bring up her behavior. It's not your place to teach her a lesson. When you do talk/see her just don't gush about the pg and let her be the one that asks the questions and if she doesn't ask them, don't take it personally.
My guess is that with some time to get used to the idea she will come around. It took me a while, but in the end I was happy for her and now we have kids that are only 1 year apart and that's so great!
It is okay for her to be upset, mad, whatever. BUT it is not okay for her to take it out on you!
I can completely sympathize with her. Right now, I am not allowed to TTC (due to Leukemia and chemotherapy). I was so upset with my BFF and several close friends all got pregnant. But, then I said to myself - my time WILL come. Whether it be in a year, or in ten years - it will come.
But it still hurts. It hurts so badly seeing pregnant woman, shopping for baby shower gifts, etc. But that doesnt give a her a right to treat you like crap. And when she does come around - I think that you should talk to her. Explain how badly it hurt you that she behaved that way. If you let her behavior go, she will see that it is okay and will continue.
The way she's behaving isn't "right" but at the same time, she's grieving for her loss.
If it were me, I'd try to be the bigger person. I'd send her a card or a letter letting her know I understand this must be hard for her, that you care about her, and you hope in time, she'll be able to be happy for you. In no way should you apologize for your ability to get pregnant but maybe give her some space and see if she comes around. If not, then that's on her.