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2nd Trimester
NicoleR524
member
BFP#1 10/26/09 EDD 7/4/10 Beautiful Baby Boy born 2 weeks late 7/16/10
BFP#2 8/23/11 EDD 5/11/12 Natural Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
BFP#3 5/22/12 EDD 2/10/13 Stick Baby!
Feeling Sad
NicoleR524
member
I had dinner with a pregnant friend last night who is quitting her job in a few weeks and will be able to stay home with her baby (babies) as long as she wants too. I'm so happy for her that she can do that but am feeling so sad that I can't. It's all I've ever wanted, to stay home with my baby and raise him or her with the need for day care or nannies. I get so upset just thinking about how no matter what we figure out for me, its not going to be what I've always dreamed of. Whether I can figure out a way to work closer to home or work part time at my job - it's not really what I want. And there's just no way for my husband's salary to cover our mortgage and bills. He's a teacher and even if we cut out cable, going out to eat, lowering our cell phone plans, etc... we wouldn't come close. I need to make a decent salary just for us to survive. I know that I'm lucky to have a house and a car and a baby on the way, but for as long as I can remember I pictured myself as a stay at home mom. I'm sure that the hormones aren't helping but everytime I think about it I cry and feel depressed. I know there are many women in the exact same position as I am, I know I'm not the only one. Anyone else going through these emotions? Anyone have a plan on how to have it all? Anyone working from home and making a decent salary?
Thanks just for reading...I needed to get it out.
BFP#1 10/26/09 EDD 7/4/10 Beautiful Baby Boy born 2 weeks late 7/16/10
BFP#2 8/23/11 EDD 5/11/12 Natural Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
BFP#3 5/22/12 EDD 2/10/13 Stick Baby! This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling Sad
I'm sorry you are feeling sad. It is always difficult when life goes in a direction we never imagined (even if there are lots of positives included). All I can tell you is take time before baby comes to envision a different type of life, but a great one nonetheless! here are some of the positives of balancing work and motherhood:
- you are contributing financially to the household, which can strengthen the feeling of partnership with your DH
- no matter how hard the day is at work, coming home to LO will be something to look forward to!
- you CAN have quality time with your child - DH and I manage work and a very close bond with DS.
- When your LO goes off to school, you won't have to "get back in the game" with work and hopefully, your income won't stall.
- Daycare is awesome for socialization - just have to find the right one. Our daycare has helped get DS on a great schedule, taught him how to trust and respect adults other than me and DH, and how to problem solve with children his age.
Perhaps its not your vision, but I hope you can come to embrace being a working mom!
the pp made some really excellent points. i struggle with the idea of leaving my kid for hours a day, 5 days a week... but i'm looking into the best daycares and got some really excellent reviews from my friends. not only did the parents like the daycare (reasonable priced, good people working there, etc) but they say their kids seemed to really enjoy themselves while there, too. so that makes me feel a little better. have you looked into any daycares yet? maybe once you start researching, you'll feel a little better about it too.
I understand where you are coming from. I always knew I wanted to work even when I had kids, but I always thought my sister (who has an in-home daycare) would take care of my kids while I worked. I thought she would be the next best thing to me taking care of my kids. I moved about 5 hrs from her several years ago, so that's not a possible anymore.
It's hard to think about leaving your child with a stranger, but I believe I will find someone amazing to take care of my child. My mom had to work FT through most of my childhood, but I am so close to my mom and have zero negative feelings about being away from her while she worked. I respect her for doing what she had to do to raise my sister and me. I hope/ know our kids will feel the same way about us.
The PPs made good points. Also, if you know that what you really want is to SAH, you and your DH should go ahead and start planning for it now, even if it's not in the immediate future.
If you can start with those things you mentioned (cutting cell phone plans and cooking dinner more often), and begin saving money that will be a good start. Things like cutting cable and fast food will also give you the opportunity to spend more time with your family at home (though I know how hard it is to cook every night with both of you working..).
Discuss other options - could you lower the cost of your mortgage (by possibly selling and buying smaller), or take the money you are saving from cable and cell phones to pay off any cars or loans that would reduce your monthly bills? I know it will be hard but even taking lots of small steps toward your goal might make you feel better, knowing that someday you will be able to stay at home with your LO.