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High-Risk Pregnancy
For the Bed Rest Mamas (or anyone else who needs a laugh)
Found some funny pregnant jokes. Hope you ladies are having a good day. Cheer up! You're all doing great!
And I give a "hell yes" to the last Q and A--going on 7 weeks now with colic. Whew.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy
craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful
enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for
big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true?
A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.
Q. Since I became pregnant, My breasts, rear end, and even my feet have
grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Because you're fatter then they are.
Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.
Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy
centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out your pregnant.
Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that
delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only---doctors, nurses, oderlies, photographers,
florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.
Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.
Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
Q. What is the grasp reflex?
A. The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts.
Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A. Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and
puts him to sleep first.
Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?
A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical
warfare.
Q. What causes baby blues?
A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.
Q. What is colic?
A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: For the Bed Rest Mamas (or anyone else who needs a laugh)
YES!!!! It is my goal to make every one of you ladies piss your pants. By the way, make sure you wear pads for a while after you give birth. That particular fun side effect of pregnancy is not one that goes away immediately.....and I refuse to tell you WHY I know that, of course.......
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