If BD is not involved.. hardest part

SnowflakeBaby2009 · January 2010

If your babys father isn't involved at all, what is the hardest part of all of it? The hardest part of all for me is not being able to share LO's special firsts and memories with someone, especially his Daddy. I hate that I can't call him up and say, "Guess what Nathan did today!" It's just sad

What is the hardest part for you?

ladyaylena · January 2010

Exactly that. It was the same throughout my pregnancy. As sad as i was that I didn't have the other half to share it with, I was really glad that my mom and sister were around. It was REAL bad when I was in the hospital and alone in the room with LO... I felt REALLY alone.

meghan_marie · January 2010

I haven't had my baby yet, but the thing that has been hardest for me so far is knowing that he doesn't care about his own flesh and blood.

skimberlin · January 2010

Wow I couldn't imagine being in that situation Ladyaylena i'm sorry, but I would agree not being able to get excited and share those special moments is hard. Especially when you were together for so long and thought that this was going to be the rest of your life, but I think it's going to get ten times when they start to realize he's not there. In my case I think he is going to show up every now and then and make it that much harder. He has already started.

ladyaylena · January 2010

I almost feel bad for BD because I bet one day he will want to be more involved with Liam (BD is 10 years younger than me, so very immature) and by then it will be too late and he'll have missed so much! Not to mention Liam will know that his dad wasn't around for it. My dad missed my High School graduation that I worked SO hard for and I never forgot it) Like I said -almost- feel bad... luckily my family is a wonderful support system and the guys are really excited about having a little man around (we have all girls up until Liam, lol)

I don't let it get me down...it's BDs loss and Liam will have more love than he'll know what to do with Smile

achase123 · January 2010

Probably not having someone around to share DS' milestones with. He is at the point where he doesn't even call or ask about DS everyday and when he does make contact it is mostly to fight about something. I try to make the best of it by talking about things that DS does with family/friends.

ladyaylena · January 2010

Oh... and just to add... come HERE and post about milestones! Smile

We can all be excited together! Especially since our kids are all different ages Smile

Dani3679 · January 2010

The hardest part used to be doing all the sentimental stuff alone, and milestones like PP have said. I definitely had tons of help and support from my family which helped tremendously. My mom was in the OR with me (I had a c-section) and stayed every night at the hospital with me when DD was born! Now that she's getting older I'm dreading having the talk about why she has no "daddy" I know it's coming, there have been times I've heard her tell her friends "I don't have a dad" when they ask about it. My ex and I were only together 7 months when I got PG (and for the nasty lurkers we did use protection, but it failed!), and he has only seen her twice in almost 6 years. Once we met up at a park when she was around 15 months old and the second was just in passing at a festival event.

ETA: Sorry I kind of rambled there, and went a little off track!

mandaphilly · January 2010

When I was pregnant, the hardest part was him not being there to watch as I grew. To touch and talk to my belly. I was so quilt ridden of him not being able to do all that, so I did not allow ANYBODY to touch or talk to my stomach.

While she is here now it's hard to watch her change and grow every single day, and him not having any part in seeing her do that. The first 10 years of a child's life are crucial and very quick, you can never replace those first ten years. And he never even met his daughter, because of his actions. And it is a mix of emotions on how I feel about that.

Another hard part is deciding whether or not to tell her the actual truth of what happened when she gets older older (like teenager.)

nire99 · January 2010

Seeing the heartbreak on my DD's face when I have to remind her that she won't see her father again. Seeing how sad it makes her whenever they have father/daughter events or talk about families at school. Her father was a very involved parent prior to the abuse.

Dealing with two kids by myself and feeling like I can't give either of them the attention they need and deserve.

I could write a book.

peanutontheway · January 2010

I always get the angriest when DD is being super needy or sick and up all night. Those are the times it would be nice to have a second set of hands so I could pick up, or wash the dishes, or OMG PEE ALONE! Then I feel guilty for feeling this way because I'm all she has.

I don't feel that bad that he's missed the milestones and holidays. That is his fault, not mine. I spent a lot of time angry because we didn't have the picture perfect family and it made me feel like she was missing out on something. But, this works for us. She isn't lacking anything and she certainly has more than enough love to make up for the absent person in her life. This is all she knows. This is her "normal".

ErinC27 · January 2010

Hmm, I think the hardest part for me is paying for day care! STBXH was a SAHD, so I haven't had to pay for day care in a couple years. Now I have to pay for everything I was, plus day care for one, and soon to be day care for two.

SnowflakeBaby2009 · January 2010

I'm so touched that so many of you answered and have the same feelings and emotions as me. I love that we can all support each other. I'm looking forward to this board becomming a bit more active. Keep your chin up ladies, we're all doing great for our LO's.

kirbear · January 2010

My ex is around somewhat. He sees dd weekly, but he is not "involved" in her life. Its like a playdate. He is not involved in her care. He does not ask about her, he does not follow what is going on with her etc... My dd is older and past the milestone stage, but she has some special needs and as she masters different aspects of her treatment/therapy he is not there. Even when I have called to tell him- he clearly could care less. It just isn't the same for him- he will say hes happy/proud- but I always say actions speak louder than words....

Seeing that he isn't phased by the news/updates made me not "miss" having him to share those things with anyways. Now I share them with friends or family who can actually appreciate what I have to share!

bellaleanne · January 2010

The hardest part for me is wondering how I will explain what happened. He was so horrible while I was pregnant, always threatening and intimidating me, that I decided to cut him out. I knew that if he really wanted to, he would go to court to get rights. I know I did the right thing, and if he never tries contact me or get rights to see DS, that just shows my son how much he doesn't want him...and I feel bad because I knew he didn't want a child.

I guess it's just guilt for having a son with someone who wasn't ready and didn't want to be a father.

transcriber87 · January 2010

I could go on and on about this topic...I guess the hardest part is that his new flavor of the week posts on her myspace how her kids LOVE their new daddy...He hasn't seen Cadance since May...no contact, calls, emails, knock at the door...nadda!! The kicker is that up until Nov. we lived right across the street from him, his father and stepmom...no one bothered to EVER ask about her..Another poster had mentioned the up all night crying thing...I feel the SAME WAY!! AND then I feel guilty for my feelings! You can't help but think that here you are and they are out bar hopping, my ex CLAIMS to be a singer/rapper and I see where he has GIGS posted on his myspace...must be nice buddy to go out and pay to sing with your CHILD SUPPORT MONEY!! That is probably the hardest part, knowing he is drinking and drugging up with her support money!

SnowflakeBaby2009 · January 2010

transcriber87:
I could go on and on about this topic...I guess the hardest part is that his new flavor of the week posts on her myspace how her kids LOVE their new daddy...He hasn't seen Cadance since May...no contact, calls, emails, knock at the door...nadda!! The kicker is that up until Nov. we lived right across the street from him, his father and stepmom...no one bothered to EVER ask about her..Another poster had mentioned the up all night crying thing...I feel the SAME WAY!! AND then I feel guilty for my feelings! You can't help but think that here you are and they are out bar hopping, my ex CLAIMS to be a singer/rapper and I see where he has GIGS posted on his myspace...must be nice buddy to go out and pay to sing with your CHILD SUPPORT MONEY!! That is probably the hardest part, knowing he is drinking and drugging up with her support money!

I am SO sorry. This is terrible.

Mommie2b882010 · January 2010

The hardest part for me so far is that dont get to share everything about the baby with him. My BD and I still talk but it NEVER about the baby!! I just cant belive that he wants to to do with his own child and it hurts me more than words can explain. I grew up with out my father and I seen how hard it was on my mother and I do want the best for my child!!

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