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Update on FIL and need suggestions

ml0904ml0904
in Parenting after 35

First of all FIL has made some improvement. He has made some noises and he is now in a rehabilitation hospital where they are trying to do therepy with him 3 times a day. My SIL sent a pic and he just look so old and frail now it was shocking to me.

Apparently that was not to be the last of our family sadness. My husbands second wife (yes I am #3) who is the the mother of his twins has been battling melanoma and they called the kids to come yesterday because she had less than 24 hours. His ex has been horrid to me since he and I got together and its no secret she hated me. I want to let the kids know I love them and will be there for them but this time is about their mom and so I don't want to invade either. My relationship with the twins has never been as good as it is with his kids from his first marriage mainly due to the issue with their mom so I am at a loss as to what to do for them. DH said he would go to the funeral to support the kids but I told him he should talk to them to see if that is what they want. She was remarried and I don't want the kids to feel awkward for their step dad either. While I have disliked her due to all of the attacks I certainly never would have wanted harm to come to her, she is their mom and a grandmother, I hate that she will not get to be a part of that. So suggestions on what to do? They live 4 hours away so I can't do things like help keep their kids.

 

 

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Re: Update on FIL and need suggestions

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    PeskyPesky member
    Maybe a heartfelt condolence note to each with GCs to local restaurants, an edible arrangement or the like.  I wouldn't try to push the relationship and sounds like you aren't and are being very respectful of the space they might need.  Sorry to hear you all are suffering so much.  Left Hug


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    MoiselleMoiselle
    I am so sorry about your news.  Time will bring you all together.  gradually you'll get there. It would be really awkward if it felt forced.
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    carladilloncarladillon

    Glad to hear your FIL is improving - even if it's baby steps.  My Dad was in ICU last year for a month, on a ventilator, etc.  He was not expected to live - but he made a miraculous recovery and I wish the same for your FIL.

    First, I think if your DH wants to go, he should go - as long as he doesn't have a bad relationship with his kids.  Him not going would be noticed and you'd not want them to throw that back in his face at a later time.  I think sending a card, food basket, or sympathy arrangment from both you and DH would be very thoughtful and appreciated.  It's very thoughtful of you to want to be there for them in their time of grief - prepared food is always a good option because one usually does not have the interest or energy to think about meal prep when you've just lost your mom (speaking from experience....)

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    fauxshelleyfauxshelley member
    Wow, this has been a tough year for your family.  I am so sorry.  I def think your husband should go to the funeral.  That was his wife and they have children together.  He should go if for no other reason than to support his kids.  You can always send a card w/ your condolences and maybe send food or a gc. 
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    steverstever member

    I have no idea, but Left Hug

    Just let them know you're there for them. I think that's all you can do.

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    pahokiepahokie

    If DH wants to go, he should.  He can always keep to himself, stay in the background, etc if he feels like he would be crowding the stepfather.

    It sounds like the children are adults - I would send a card with a note expressing just what you told us - you love them and will be there for them.  Maybe send flowers to the funeral home or make a donation to a cancer charity in her memory?

    ETA: If DH is going to drive, you could always send some food with him, since as pp mentioned they may not want to cook at such a stressful time.

    DD1 is 3, DD2 is 1.
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    PeppernutPeppernut

    I'm glad to hear your FIL is recovering a bit, though I'm sure the change is hard to bear.

    I don't have any advice, just support!  :) 

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    KristelRobinKristelRobin
    I don't have anything to add since the other ladies have given such good advice, but I did want to say I'm happy to hear about your FIL's progress.
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