How will you explain 'what happened' to others?

ShanJosh777 · January 2010

I was thinking about this today. My H didn't cheat. He wasn't abusive. He didn't drink or do drugs. Those seem like the standard answers for why marriages ended. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that I never had to go through what some women go through. But I just wonder how I will answer when asked the inevitable question.

Not that I expect lots of people to ask me this. I guess I am thinking of this almost in terms of dating again someday. I don't want to be looked at as someone who ran away when times were bad. There is much more to it than that, but it's not like I want to get into a ten-minute discussion listing all the ways things went terribly wrong on a third date or something.

Today I asked my BFF to be 100% honest and tell me what she would say if someone asked her about it and I wasn't there. She said she would say, "Her H was an a$$hole." Haaaa... I just feel like I want to say it a little better than that.

meghan_marie · January 2010

I second my ex is an a$$hole. :]

blondnearby · January 2010

Even though there was infidelity and abuse in my marriage I very rarely tell people that is the case. My most common answer to people who ask is that I made the mistake of not marrying my best friend and when things got tough with my DD's health, there was no way to support each other. It was simply best to go our separate ways. I just feel that talking negatively about my stbx only makes me more negative about the situation. But with my mom and close friends who know the whole situation, of course, I sometimes refer to him as a DB when he shows his douchy ways.

nire99 · January 2010

I hope that no one would be rude enough to come right out and ask you, but there's a good chance your DC will be asked throughout his life. I know my daughter does. In your situation I would just say, it happens to 50% of couples and leave it at that.

My situation is different and I can just tell people to Google my stbxh if they really want to know. Stick out tongue

r9stedt · January 2010

I just say "it is what it is, and it isn't what it isn't."

If I feel like they need an explanation, they probably already know that back story.

inbetween · January 2010

My answer this far has been 'he stopped loving me'. That was the first excuse he gave me, and while it's not the entire reason...it is the only answer that stops further questions.

ErinC27 · January 2010

If I were you I would probably just say that things didn't work out the way you had planned.

peeps61308 · January 2010

I just tell people it didn't work out. If they are close then I might disclose more. As far as what I will tell DD, I will NEVER tell her anything bad about her father. My plan is to tell her that her father and I love her very much, but we just didn't get along living together.

achase123 · January 2010

I would be vague about it in terms of dating until you get to know the person. The divorce rate is 50%-I don't think that people should judge someone based on a marriage failing-it happens all the time. Only YOU know what really happened and you know that you gave it your all for you and your DS. I think that if your date turns into a relationship then you should share with them what happened. I am just really open like that though. Most people realize that no situation is perfect and often it can't be blamed on just one reason or one person. I think it's important to be honest with another potential mate about everything, including why your marriage didn't work out.

lnbohac · January 2010

I just tell people that he did something unforgivable and that was it. Over. Done.

n.gallihugh · January 2010

I would just say that you guys were incompatable, easy answer, if people ask why just say you guys were way more different than you noticed in the beginning.