Showers and young children?

scubaspot · January 2010

I am curious how others feel about young children at baby showers. I am having my shower in a few weeks and my best friend is annoyed that she cannot bring her daughter. Her daughter just turned 3 and quite honestly is a total brat. She would cause absolute chaos if she attended the shower.

I personally have never been to a shower where there were young children. Unless the child was very young (nb) or a young adult that was closely related to the mommy to be all the showers were for ladies only. No one ever had a problem with it as it was already well known that baby showers are adult functions.

My friend seems really surprised,confused and annoyed that her daughter was not invited. Even the hosts of the shower have made other arrangements for their children. Is it so odd that children are not invited? I am wondering if I should now call the other guests just to confirm that they are not bringing their children.

snicksnack · January 2010

No I never invite children other than young adults and NBs. My friend asked to bring her 6-year old to mine becasue her husband got called into work but her daughter is very well behaved and that was a special situation.

ashleycallan · January 2010

I have been to showers with children and without. Personally I think it is supposed to be a relaxing day for you so whatever you are comfortable with is what you should do. FYI - I also said no children!!

Inspiredbysoph · January 2010

My first shower was co-ed, and 40+ people outside at a park....my second shower was all girls, and the only reason why I really invited other people's children is because I was having my 3 year old there, involved. So it was appropriate.

seniah_05 · January 2010

For all baby showers and most bridal showers all the ladies of the family regardless of age are invited - leaving younger ones at home is always up to mom - but that's the way things roll with our family/friend group.

Its probably an area thing or a family thing - her family may be more like mine and do the all inclusive thing whereas there are many that don't.

miaomi · January 2010

At my family shower children are more than welcome...we are a very child-friendly family. However, at my friend shower, children are not. I believe it's the hosts choice. Would I prefer children to be allowed at the friend one..yes, because some of the friends are from out of town and just had little babies and won't be able to come now. But it's not my choice, it's up to the host.

laumholl · January 2010

She shouldn't be surprised. It's not her shindig! If the hostesses have made arrangements for their children that's awesome. However, if they didn't put on the invitation that it's an adults only event...don't be surprised if someone shows up with the kiddos. It always aggravated me when people brought their kids to showers...it takes attention away from the guest of honor and is a huge distraction in general.

foreignroyalty · January 2010

I have never seen children at showers... I don't know why really.... I guess so the focus stays on the mum?

...But I do have a distant memory of my mum taking me to one when I was about 5 and I remember all the women saying how well behaved and polite I was and how nice my dress was... and it made me look forward to any and all showers I may have in my lifetime!

araevg · January 2010

I've never been to a shower where little kids weren't present and invited . . .

redness4 · January 2010

I personally feel that showers should be adult events. It seems like there is always that kid whose parent thinks they are adorable but doesn't listen worth a darn, and that takes away from the event. It should be about the mother-to-be, not about showing off your offspring, which is the reason that I have most often (not 100% of the time, of course) found for people wanting to bring their kids. That being said, if the hosts and the honoree do not mind and want to include children, that is fine. However, if the event is planned as an adult only event, then that should be respected and not questioned.

prego760 · January 2010

Well its your shower. I attended a shower recently and this little 3 years was running aorund shrilling and her mom was just ignoring her and she ran up to me and shrilled at the top of her lungs and I pointed my finger at her and said "dont" sternly and she looks at the floor and goes "okay" in a sad voice and she was good the rest of the shower. If you can already foresee this child acting like that then stick to your guns becasue it's your shower but it's not really anything to cause a rift in a friendship over because you could be in the same boat someday.

lildevil968 · January 2010

We always do showers/ other special get to together's with kids, and we have never been to one without any. To me it would be a little weird, but I can understand if they are planning adult themed games, and such.

MrsRebecca · January 2010

Around here, showers generally include children (especially girls) so I would think it odd for children to not be invited.

That being said, it's your shower and if you don't want children there, your friend can deal. I'm sure she can handle being away from her kid for a few hours.

mishee10 · January 2010

I think MOST people would make arrangements for their children. It definately is a get together for grown ups. Having children there changes the whole dynamics, adult games, finger foods etc, Not too mention its your day, and having a little kid there will distract everyone. This is actually an issue my hosts are facing, they said they will outright tell my guests not to bring their children. I personally don't really care if the kids come, I just find it annoying people would assume they are invited. Can you get one of your other friends to mention that its just an "adult" function?

YPF2010 · January 2010

I also believe that showers are adult functions and other arrangements should be made for ppl with children. I did not have children at my shower as it was at a very nice restaurant and we paid for everything. I do however think exceptions should be made for NB's and older well behaved kids. Tough, it's your shower and you have the right to do whatever you'd like.

buckeyeki · January 2010

I think it just depends what you are used to. Where I grew up it was not uncommon to bring your kids to showers, especially little girls. All my cousins/friends little girls were invited to mine and it was fine. I actually had a lot of fun with my 3 year-old niece who helped me open my gifts - she was so cute telling me what everything was and how it was for my baby.

It's your shower though and you should do what you want. If you don't want kids there and people do not come because if it I think that's lame. It's only a couple hours away from their kids.

aryandnicole · January 2010

I can see why the three year old is a brat because it sounds like the mom is. I have never been to a shower where there was little kids. That is crazy to me.

scubaspot · January 2010

My friend is divorced but she does have access to child care, she just doesn't think she should have to use it. I love her daughter but she is terribly behaved and for the most part my friend just lets her do whatever she wants to do. I could honestly see her daughter getting into some serious mischief. I don't mind if she breaks something at my house but I would hate to have my hostesses be put into an uncomfortable situation.

I told the hostesses that since it was at their home and they were paying that they could choose to do whatever they wanted, however they wanted.

As I posted I was always told that showers are adult events and that children take away from the event. If you have a well mannered child that is one thing but most misbehaved children are attached to a mother who thinks they are adorable.

hterry85 · January 2010

My ss is 3, and he was at my shower. But that's obviously a little different as he will be the sibling of the new baby. My 9 year old cousin was there as well. But no one else had young children to bring, so it wasn't as issue for us. But like many pp have said, I have been to showers with and without young children there. I don't think there is a right or wrong. A lof of people have young children and wedding receptions, but some do not. Your friend will live...

MrsRon · January 2010

Not odd at all. At mine, a friend brought her 9 month old because she's still BFing and because I hadn't met the baby (shower was at my Mom's house in SC; I live in CA). The only other "children" present were the college-age daughter of a former co-worker (included on the invite because I figured she'd be home and might want to come), a 15 y/o former student (invited along with her Mom, who I used to teach with), and my step-grandma's 11 y/o granddaughter (Gramma is 80 and had to make a 5 hour drive to be @ the shower and Kate was her traveling companion.)

I would NEVER consider bringing small children to a shower.

KateNonymous · January 2010

I've never been to a shower (a) where kids were present, or (b) that a child would find even remotely enjoyable.

That doesn't mean that no child should ever be invited to any shower. But based on the replies here, it's a mixed bag, and depends on the host/guest of honor/type of event.

mrs.Awoods · January 2010

The way I see it - A baby shower is a celebration of children, bringing a new child into the world, so mom's bringing their kids is completely appropriate IMO.

Mikeysbride2b · January 2010

Nobody I know has kids at showers unless it is a neice and even that is rare. Unfortunately, kids are disruptive and if you are having it at a nice restaurant, it can be annoying, so I am in agreement that no kids is the appropriate thing to do!

SapphyrEyes · January 2010

I just had my shower two weeks ago. I would have been hurt if my friends kids weren't invited especially since my DS was going to be there. I brought toys in case there weren't other kids there to keep him occupied or play and to be honest he had so much fun with the attention from my friends and enjoyed the food that even though the shower was right during his nap time he was perfect and didn't throw a single tantrum despite his being overly tired.

And other showers I've heard about the children were invited. I've only been to two myself (one being mine and one for another friend) and kids were absolutely welcome. Just because you think the toddler is a brat doesn't mean she'll be that way for that day. And honestly, this could be a karma thing to bite you in the butt in the future when you want to go to a celebration and your kids aren't invited and you can't get a sitter for the life of you to attend. Baby showers are not adult functions as much as bridal showers are. Baby showers are to celebrate a new addition to the family so to me that means kids would be welcome. But, that's my opinion.

AnotherChance · January 2010

I've never been to a baby shower where there were kids there. I think that would be more difficult to have them there...having to keep an eye on them, and especially if they are younger, make them understand that the gifts are not for them! I'd personally prefer a shower without kids...

scubaspot · January 2010

SapphyrEyes:
I just had my shower two weeks ago. I would have been hurt if my friends kids weren't invited especially since my DS was going to be there. I brought toys in case there weren't other kids there to keep him occupied or play and to be honest he had so much fun with the attention from my friends and enjoyed the food that even though the shower was right during his nap time he was perfect and didn't throw a single tantrum despite his being overly tired.

And other showers I've heard about the children were invited. I've only been to two myself (one being mine and one for another friend) and kids were absolutely welcome. Just because you think the toddler is a brat doesn't mean she'll be that way for that day. And honestly, this could be a karma thing to bite you in the butt in the future when you want to go to a celebration and your kids aren't invited and you can't get a sitter for the life of you to attend. Baby showers are not adult functions as much as bridal showers are. Baby showers are to celebrate a new addition to the family so to me that means kids would be welcome. But, that's my opinion.

I have never seen this child behave well, ever. Children at showers seem to be case by case but I did find it interesting that you mentioned that your son was happy because of all the attention he received from your friends. As the shower was for you and the child was yours I think that is great but I think your point just goes to show mine. The event was not about your son, it was about you and the new baby and the attention should have gone to you.

I would HATE to bring my child to someone elses shower and have my child receive the attention that should rightly have gone to the mommy to be.

As I posted before, my friend does have access to a sitter (the childs father) she doesn't want to have to use him "on principle".

Jolaine83 · January 2010

We're allowing children at my shower next weekend. There are only two I'm worried about and since they are my nieces and their mother (my SIL) would be traveling over two hours to get there, I don't have much of a choice. I'm hoping that DH will distract them during it instead of having them involved. With my IL's it's kind of a take one, take all situation.

The rest of the children who would come won't be a problem. They are either young enough to sit with their moms (year or less) or they are old enough to be involved (7 and up).

Like others are saying, I think it depends on what you want and what the hosts want. I'd draw the line if you have children that couldn't behave. My concern with my nieces is that they have problems seeing others get presents without assuming some are for them as well. They definitely have a case of the gimmes at the moment - over xmas, the younger of the two actually cried when she was out of gifts because there "were no more for her". If a child attending would throw fits over the shower not being focused on them, then in my mind, they need not attend.

kristinem17 · January 2010

I agree with the op 100%. While I have been to showers where there were young children, I have also been to showers were there were none. I personally prefer showers that are strictly for adults. When young ones are around, the mothers cannot enjoy themselves and relax because they have to tend to their child. Generally it is in someone's home, sometimes a home you have never been to or the home of someone you don't even know.. the children therefore want to explore and have fun... you have to really keep your eye on them. I also noticed while attending a shower with young ones that the children were running around, being loud, helping themselves to the food, even trying to open the gifts! I don't see why a babysitter cannot be hired, or why DH can't watch the child or whomever, while the mother attends a social function (a baby shower). The only exception perhaps would be a breastfeeding newborn. For my shower the hostesses did not want little ones and so when the guests started to call to confirm, she informed those with little ones that no children were invited. No one had an issue with it

cajungirl0717 · January 2010

I have never been to a shower that children WERE allowed to. Showers are adult things. Children just get in the way and want the attention on them. That is why I didn't allow anyone to bring their children to my wedding. I have been to plenty where little kids are in the wedding and were running back and forth on the altar or not in the wedding and running up and down the aisle.

The shower is supposed to be about you. So if you don't want them, don't feel bad about asking her to have someone else watch her kid.

blissfully_caffeinated · January 2010

I had my 2 nieces at my shower (2 yrs old and 3 months old). But they're adorable little angels and I really wanted to spend some time with them (I live out of state). If the girl is a brat and nobody else is bring kids then I'd tell her to suck it up and get a babysitter or stay home. I'm a b!tch like that though. I would assume that the invitation is good for the person it is addressed to and her infant (under 9-12 months).

I think that my bff sent the shower invite to my cousin with no mention of her kids but it was obvious in my family that the kids were invited. I'm sure I made some comments about it too (I can't wait to see you and your little anklebiters at the shower!).

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