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Postpartum Depression
Could this be PPD? Intro...
Hi. I'm Amanda. I had my beautiful son on 1/6/2010. I'm no longer with the father and it is an extremely rocky situation. I had some depression episodes during pregnancy, especially in the very end. I was feeling fantastic after I had my LO. He was a great sleeper, loved to eat, and never cried. Well, the past couple of days he has been having tummy troubles and has been changing his schedule and barely sleeping and extremely fussy. Doing this alone, I became upset. I decided to contact LO's father and figured that maybe he would make me feel like I in fact do have a partner in all of this for Nathan's sake. He wants to see Nathan, but didn't really make me feel supported or like I could turn to him when things get rough with the baby or when I just need some help or even just a friend to talk to. We've become much more civil since the pregnancy, but he obviously still has not made us a top priority. Anyways.. I've been starting to get angry and easily frustrated with LO. I would never harm him or myself, and I still could sit and stare at him for hours and I'm so in love with him, but sometimes when he screams at night and I see how alone I am, I just get ANGRY. Last night was the worst. I woke my Mom (I live with her), and asked her to rock him for 5 minutes while I used the bathroom and got a drink because he was almost asleep and if I put him down he'd wake up and go nuts. She started lecturing me on how I need to be medicated and how I'm a horrible mother and all I want is for other people to take care of my baby (all because I asked for this one favor). I almost left. I almost left my house and drove off in the middle of the night leaving LO behind. I couldn't do it, because it breaks my heart to even leave him when I run errands, but I honestly almost did it. I'm just worried that the stress from the babys father, the anger/frustration, the lack of help and support at home... can all be the starts of PPD? I truly don't think its PPD because I'm not having any of the symptoms that my OB told me to look out for, but I'm still wondering why I've been so angry.
Sorry that was so long. If you read it, I appreciate it. I love that we can all post here about something as personal as PPD without judgement. Looking forward to getting some support from you ladies. I really think this is just a bad week and a bit of the baby blues, not PPD, but I'd like to hear the opinions of women going through it. TIA.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Could this be PPD? Intro...
first of all - big hugs.
Secondly, it sounds like your mother was not being very supportive. I for one cannot believe she would be so harsh.
I'd ask your OB for a rec to a counselor/therapist type person. Honestly, given your situation it may not be 'PPD', but you are in a TOUGH situation, and having a neutral 3rd party to help will be a huge blessing, trust me.
It's totally normal to feel frustrated with your baby at times. That does not make you a bad mother. They are tough little things sometimes. But you need someone to support you and have someone to talk to.
Wow, what a tough situation you are in! I cannot imagine having to do this alone, it is so hard. I truly think everything you are feeling is totally normal and to be expected given all you are dealing with. Your Mom may be feeling completley overwhelmed herself and may have said some things she did not mean. When I was feeling awful it really helped when other people assured me that I was ok, that we were going to get through it and that the baby would be fine.
I suggest you get into a Mommy's group and possibly see a therapist. I believe it will help you. The anger you are feeling when LO is difficult is just anxiety masking as anger. Lots of hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!