Shower Advice, Please (sorta long)
bump54321
member
Over the weekend, my mom and I talked and we both thought it would be a good idea to postpone a baby shower and instead have a meet the baby party after Baby Sam got here since I'm on strict bed rest due to high bp and pre-e risk. She asked me to make a list of things I thought we would need right away, and so I did. She went to Target and bought many of those things on Sunday. When I told my husband that she and I had talked about this, he kind of thought it was silly.
Yesterday, one of my friends who had originally told me that she wanted to have a shower for me was talking about it. I told her what I had discussed with my mom and she just said, we'll figure out a way to have a shower for you because you really need to have a shower. Then today, one of my BFFs asked if anyone had talked about a shower, and I told her about my other friend and then told her about my conversation with my mom. She said the same thing, that I really needed to have a shower. She suggested that we just have it at my house where I could be on the couch or propped up in a chair with my feet up.
It really makes me sad to not have a shower and to tell my generous friends no. Also, since I don't get to see people very often, it makes me sad to miss the opportunity of seeing all my friends and family. I think I'd be ok if we had the shower at my house and I kept my feet up. On the other hand, I know my mom will be mad and disappointed in me if I let them go through with a shower because she doesn't think it's a good idea for me right now. I had mentioned having it at my house or somewhere I could be lying down and she thought I would have more fun if we waited until I could be up and mingle. Plus, she already went out and bought some stuff since we thought I wouldn't be having a shower. There is also always the possibility of me having to have the baby early and then a shower might have to be canceled.....
Uggghhhh! I don't know what to do. Do any of you ladies have any advice?
Re: Shower Advice, Please (sorta long)
this is a tough situation--If I were you I would have the shower at your own house where you can stay resting the whole time and keep your feet up. Your mom can always return some of the stuff she got you but I agree w/ some of your friends, you really only get a baby shower w/ your 1st baby and it would stink to be stuck on bedrest AND have to miss out on that
But I also think you could have a meet the baby party after too--like you said there is always the chance the shower might have to be cancelled and not everyone is going to be able to come to the shower so I dont think it would be weird to have a meet the baby party too where you could mingle some more
You just need to listen to your body and be honest with yourself--is having a shower beforehand going to make your bp go up? is it in the best interest for you and Lo medically? Have you talked to your drs? If you still feel like you are up for it after considering these things than let your friends throw you one! Just remind them it needs to be low key since you are supposed to be resting!
Heck, if my baby is still inside me by Feb 13th I will be having my baby shower here in the hospital since I will still be on bedrest, my SIL is a L&D nurse here and said moms on bedrest have their showers at the hospital all the time, just something to consider!
Yikes, what a pickle! Do you and your Mom have a good relationship? It kinda sounds like it. I'd go with the utter truth at this point. Let her know you've tried talking to your friends and that they are very insistant. Tell her how they will have it at your house and make sure that you won't overdue it. And let her know that you are kind of sad to be missing out on a "before" baby shower...how you've been cut off from eveyone and not able to feel like a "normal" pregnant lady. And be sure and emphasize how nice it was of her to get you the stuff and you'll be getting just small stuff at the shower...
Good Luck!!!
I agree with Michelle and Lauren. As bedrest mamas, we have so few opportunities to celebrate our pregnancies and be "normal," it would be wonderful to have a shower like the other girls get to. I would explain that to your mom, and I think she can see it your way.
A friend is planning my shower, and she wanted to cancel it since I am on strict bedrest. I said no! I said make it for when I'm 32 weeks, and either I will still be pregnant and allowed to sit/recline throughout the shower, or the babies will be in the NICU and I'll need the distraction.
My MIL is also throwing me a meet the babies shower up in Maine this summer, since I was supposed to be in Maine last weekend for the shower she was going to throw me. By then I will already have all the essentials like car seats, bottles, etc. Of course, I want it just so people can see the babies and I can see the family up there that we missed at Christmas.
With DD I was in the same exact situation. My OB and high risk doctors both told me no. Their worry was that no matter how much was "done" for me it wouldn't be the same as laying down on strict bed rest. I'm not sure what your BP is like, but mine would go up with just fixing a quick lunch. Even sitting up at the end made it go up.
I know exactly how sad it is. Everyone dreams of their baby shower, and both of mine were canceled. We had a meet the baby shower when she was 2 1/2 weeks old. DH, MIL, and my mom got all the essentials that we needed for those couple of weeks. It wasn't the same, but I also came home with a healthy baby girl, and that was really my only goal.
Really weigh the pros and cons. I know how isolating it is to be on strict bedrest. I did it for 2 months. I can't imagine having to do it in the hospital.
I don't really have any advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone in trying to figure out the whole pre/post baby shower thing! My mom lives an hour and a half away and wanted to throw me a shower there for my side of the family to attend. In addition, my MIL wants to throw one down here for my local friends.
Since I'm on bedrest (modified right now, but I wouldn't be surprised if they tightened up the rules on me!), I talked with my mom and let her know that I can't travel to go to her shower. My MIL hasn't mentioned it lately, but the last time we talked, we were tossing around the idea of having the party at my house so I can stay propped up on the couch w/ my feet up.
I think what we may end up doing is a smallish shower here at my house, hosted by MIL (with my mom invited), then my mom can throw a meet-the-baby party once the little one is here and healthy enough to travel.
In the meantime, DH and I are working on making a list of must-have items for if the baby comes before the shower. We'll share the list with our families & maybe make a registry, but we're anticipating an early baby, so we'll see if we get anything before this little one arrives!