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Blended Families
Delivery room question
I posted this on the August Moms board and was surprised by some of the responses. I know lots of ladies on here are pregnant now or just had a baby so this probably came up at some point recently for a lot of you.
Last night DH and I were talking about labor and delivery stuff and he said he only wanted it to be me and him in the room when our baby is born...I want my mom there because she has been there for me thru everything in my life and we are incredibly close and she is a great support system and I know will be a great coach and cheerleader during labor. I think DH will be great as well, but I just really want my mom there as well. I think his feelings are hurt, he took it like I don't think he'll be enough...it's not that, I just want my mom to be part of this too. DH wants it to be special just between us because the baby is something that just the two of us made.
I discovered today that most ladies only are having their DH's in the room during delivery...thoughts? suggestions? anything?
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Re: Delivery room question
I just wanted my DH to be in there because my mother was about 76 yrs old when I delivered my twins. I am very close to her but when I was finally in labor I could tell she was very afraid for me. She has high blood pressure issues and I didn't want to cause her stress.
DH is fine with my mom being there (BMs mom was there when ss was born) but I don't want anyone else there but DH. My mom can be there, but not in there. I don't really think there's a right or wrong. A lot of people do it either way. You'll just have to come up with what will work for you and DH. Luckily you have plently of time to figure that out!
I think it is a matter of personal preference. With DD (and my exH) I couldn't imagine NOT having my mom in the delivery room. Just the fact that she had been through it before and that we share such a close bond made her an AMAZING coach. I think the whole experience would have been much harder and a lot scarier if she hadn't been with me.
With DS my mom was in the delivery room with me, but she didn't really do or say much. DH was a much better coach than my ex (go figure) and I'd been through it before so I guess I just didn't need as much help. She did get some good pictures though (nothing too intimate) and she enjoyed being able to share the experience with us.
If I was you and it was really important for my mom to be with me (and it was for me) I would keep talking to DH and try to reach some kind of a compromise. Best of luck to you!
I also think its awesome that you're that close to your mom. My mom is one of my 2 best friends but honestly, I didn't want her there. I felt, as your DH does, that this was something special between him and me.
My take on it was this: if you weren't in the room when we made this baby, you don't need to be there when he comes out. End of story.
I think that when it comes down to it-this is something that you guy need to be in agreement on. Check the hospital too-some have restrictions on how many people can be in the delivery room with you. And remember-if you end up having to have a c-section like I did, only DH can be in the OR with you so your mom would just have to pace the halls.
We actually discussed this last night!
Up until last week, my hospital was only allowing one person to visit me from admittance to discharge. Obviously I had to suck it up, and assume that person would be DH (haha). They just modified their H1N1 ban, and I can now have DH, PLUS 2 visitors. Not two visitors at once - two visitors, period.
So, it will be DH, Mom and I in L&D, and Dad will make 3 in post-partum (although now I am thinking I want my Dad there too... WAYYYYYY up by my head. LOL).
DH doesn't care, as he said "You can have the whole marching band show up, if they annoy me, I'll tell them to STFU." He's klassy.
It will only be me and DH in the delivery room. My mother wasn't there at conception and wont be there at birth. My mom will be at the hospital I am just not the kind of person that wants more than just DH with me.
You could always tell DH that you will try it just the two of you but if you feel overwhelmed then you would like to reserve the option to have your mom come in.
I don't have children yet, but I always thought that I would want my DH and my mom in the room. Personally - I dont want my ILs anywhere near the hospital (they are the type of people that would stay all day long and are just ignorant selfish people).
I get how DH would most likely (and I am about 99.9% sure that he will not want my mom there) want to be just him and I. It is special. He's never been through this before, and would probably wanna share it with just me and our child.
*Fingers crossed* that I will be having this discussion with him in 2011
My mom was there until they wheeled me in for the csection and she will be there again this time.
I don't think its a big deal for your mom to see your girly stuff. she birthed it for goodness sakes.
My position, pre-labor, all through pregnancy, was that I wanted DH home with the boys and my mom in the room with me, because, well, she's been through L&D before and DH hasn't.
DH went with me to the hospital and ended up staying through everything, at my request. I thought I'd need my mom at my side, but I didn't.
My suggestion: be flexible, and ask DH and mom if they can be, too. Tell your DH not to have his feelings hurt. This is about making you comfortable and helping you feel prepared. Hopefully your mom will understand that she may or may not be invited.
I think it's really up to you. Explain to your DH that while you think he would be enough that you'd really love the extra support your mom can provide. Also explain to him that deliveries tend to go smoother, with less chance of a c-section, if there's a supportive WOMAN in the room (I read this somewhere and I can't remember where right now LOL). Try to come to a compromise. Maybe she can be there with you for the delivery and then leave when it comes to pushing so it will just be you and DH?
Personally if my mom is here on time, I plan on having her in the delivery room with me as she was with DS. Sometimes a woman just needs the support of her mommy!