Misconceptions of different types of adoption

Re: Misconceptions of different types of adoption

• GulfCoaster

  January 2010

  OK, here's the list of myths that I heard:

   

  - Families pursuing DA wait years and years to be matched

  - There are very few U.S. infants placed for adoption

  - DA costs lots and lots of money

  - Most BMs change their minds

  - Courts routinely give kids back to their BPs, even years after the fact.  (The lawyer in me really wanted to pipe up and say that less than one percent of domestic adoptions are contested, and for a court to overturn an adoption requires some strong evidence that the adoption was invalid or fraudulent.)

  - Open adoptions confuse kids and are unworkable

   

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• Dr.Loretta member

  January 2010

  That is truly unfortunate.

  The only silver lining I can see is that you saw what they were like at an informational session and not further down the road.

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• GulfCoaster

  January 2010

  fredalina:

  GulfCoaster:

  OK, here's the list of myths that I heard:

   

  - Families pursuing DA wait years and years to be matched (Can be true depending on the couple adopting and how open they are to situations, but generally isn't even true for average couples who only want HWI)

  - There are very few U.S. infants placed for adoption - LIE

  - DA costs lots and lots of money (Well, yes, but generally the same or less than IA once travel costs, translations, other paperwork is considered)

  - Most BMs change their minds (Debatable)

  - Courts routinely give kids back to their BPs, even years after the fact.  (The lawyer in me really wanted to pipe up and say that less than one percent of domestic adoptions are contested, and for a court to overturn an adoption requires some strong evidence that the adoption was invalid or fraudulent.) - LIE

  - Open adoptions confuse kids and are unworkable - i'll call this one a myth.

   

  WOW.  Those aren't just myths, some of them are outright LIES. 

  Yeah.  I'm sure you can see why this bothered me.  We are choosing to pursue IA, but we made this choice based on what DA is really like, not myths or lies about what it is like.  The lawyer in me was especially bothered by the last statement on that list.  I wish I would have spoken up, but I didn't have the statistics at hand about the percentage of adoptions that are contested (I knew it was a very small number, but didn't remember how low). 

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• ksmeg78

  January 2010

  That's awful. We saw that too. I had both international and domestic agencies give these types of myths. It had this really unpleasant vibe of "competing" to get the PAPs and total disregard for what may be best for any family. I found it very uncomfortable. I do think a lot of them were just completely ignorant though. Which is a problem in itself because if you are totally ignorant yet feel comfortable presenting your uninformed opinion as a fact, I don't want to work with you, but I did find a lot of agency staff get in their little pipeline of "their type of adoption" and in some cases a single part of the process for that type of adoption and just don't really have understanding or knowledge of anything outside of that tiny tiny box.
  

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• MayDayGirl member

  January 2010

  that is a shame!  You could make a pros and cons list for both and end up about equal! I couldn't ever say one is better... just maybe for certain families, or times in life, but not in general!

   

  Good for you for crossing them off your list. I'd even write a letter.
  

  Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF
  

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• Jermysgirl member

  January 2010

  The first agency info meeting we went to was really IA centric, and they did the same thing.  They scared the hell out of us about DA...and when we left, we were positive that we were going to adopt internationally.  Then we went to our agency's info meeting and they were SO much more informative about both IA and DA, we ended up going with DA. 

  I never recommend the first agency.  I like to make an informed decision, I hate when people don't give you all the info.

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• cindybaf

  January 2010

  From a few books I've read, I've learned to beware of agencies that act this way. If you are still deciding between the two, go to an agency that does both, and get a feel for it. Unbiased information is a must.

  Most of these agencies are competing with eachother, so ofcourse they want you to favor them or what they do over what other types of agencies do. I would say cross this one off. NOT COOL. I'm in the beginning stages too and I do not need honest, not false or skewed, information. And yes, people still have many misconceptions about either adoption process, even those who've adopted! Get some books and do your research, and keep looking for the right agency!

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• cindybaf

  January 2010

  I meant I *need* honest information!!! Sorry!

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• WinWed

  January 2010

  Amazing. We had "mandatory" state training and ended up with an "expert" who gave negative opinions on everything. Our social worker was so turned off by some of the things discussed that she is thinking of recommending alternative training options to other families.

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