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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Baby Showers for #2....
Okay, so now that I am pregnant again I know its only a matter of time before my MIL tries to talk me into another shower. She does not get at all why I am uncomfortable with the idea. My SIL has 3 kids, all less than 2 years apart, and had three different showers.
#1 - I don't need that much stuff. I have a few big items I need but not enough that I would go out and register...
#2 - All of the people all bought me baby stuff not long ago and how wierd would it feel to me to ask for all new stuff?
I have heard all kinds of pro-shower for #2 arguments. My favorite is that baby #2 will feel bad when he/she realizes there was no shower for them. Or that its a celebration of the new baby and the new baby deserves it.
I have a feeling I am going to need some new arguments or some new compromises. I think the woman just wants to throw me a party. LOL. Its great of her but.....?
WWYD?
ox,
Mel
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Re: Baby Showers for #2....
Hi Mel
I want a baby shower for #2, but will specify no gifts and do it a lot more casual. Definitely co-ed, possibly a BBQ or something. I do agree that each baby deserves its own celebration.
If you're not comfortable with it, then say no. If they insist then make sure that they play by your rules and keep it small and intimate, maybe just go out for brunch or something.
That "baby #2 will feel bad" argument doesn't hold water, IMO. Really, as a kid could you have cared less if someone had thrown a shower for you or not?
However, it seems like showers for 2nd kids are becoming more common. I would probably say okay, but work with my MIL to make it a non-gift party or clothing-only party (if DC #2 is the opposite sex). I once went to a shower where the hosts asked that everything be a gift to be donated to a women's shelter in the baby's name, would that work?
I had the taboo second shower for a second baby less than two years apart. And (gasp) they are the same sex. I debated it for all the obvious reasons but my best friend REALLY wanted to host it, I only invited my closest girl friends (less than 10 girls invited plus my sister, mom, and grandma). It was small and intimate. I needed nothing, but looking back it was nice to let my friends celebrate my having another baby and it was nice for Sam to recieve gifts and not just hand me downs.
When I was leaning towards not having one, I just didn't ever talk about it. When it came up I lead the conversation to something else. Ulitmately I gave in.
I didn't have a shower for DD, but I'm totally pro-shower for all babies. Invite people who love you - they'll be getting you gifts whether you ask them to or not - and celebrate the new life joining the world.
I might be in the minority on this one, but I actually think it's rude to specify "no gifts." It puts people in such a weird position - break the rules and bring a gift? Or look like a jerk if even one person brings a gift?
Second showers are taboo around here too, but I've never understood why. It doesn't really bother me. I agree that every baby should be celebrated in some way.
*However, I think there was a post one time about a Mom (a SIL, maybe) having a second shower who didn't need any new baby gear, but still created a registry with high-end, mega $$ items on there....now THAT might get the side-eye from me. LOL.
All this talk is making me want a party just to have a party. My main concern was having to register and people feeling obligated to buy me something else.
Brightning, you bring up an interesting point that I would not have thought of! Food for thought. Not sure how to make that one easier to swallow.
I registered just to have a shopping list for myself... and only ended up with 5 items on the list!
I did have a shower for #2, but it was a casserole shower. Everyone brought a casserole for me to freeze or a giftcard for take-out food. It was fun, thoughtful, and I've enjoyed trying all the food. We're eating our last casserole tomorrow
Some people have diaper showers, but we use cloth diapers and didn't need anything there either.
My SIL did that. Put a lot of expensive items on there, got them all, and then returned them for BRU credit. She even put items on there that were obviously meant for #1. No one seemed to care....her family is big on gifts but I would never have the nerve.
Bright - that's a good point about the no gifts thing.
I actually gave away all my big stuff so I will have plenty of stuff to register for. I'll have to think about this. I will def want to do something much more low-key than the first one. Hmmmm...
I'm really really really against showers for 2nd + kids.
I was offered and declined. I'd rather the potential host have a bit of disappointment than me feel like I'm gift grabbing from a bunch of people I just got baby gifts from less than 2 years before.
If you really don't want one then stand your ground.
But.... if you do kinda want one I think suggesting a casserole shower is a good idea.
IMO we have gotten wayyyyy too "gift oriented" as a society. Even if you say no gifts people will bring something. It makes them uncomfortable to show up empty handed.
A casserole shower is more in line with how I see people actually helping out a mom who's transitioning to 2 kids.
You don't need "stuff" but you could use help in order to transition to juggling 2 kids. Having meals handy is a total life saver with 2 kids and is a much more personal thing than people buying you stuff IMO.
And FWIW - I too think it's CRAZY to think that a kid's gonna be upset to discover there was a shower for a sibling and not for them. I have no idea where my mom got my baby bath tub nor do I care.
The people who love me have loved me all my life. Their presence at a particular party or their generosity in giving my parents a gift to use for me when I was a newborn has no bearing on what I feel about how much these people care for me.
It's not about material things people!
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
Oooh, I love this idea. Either a casserole shower or diaper shower, or a clothes shower if it's a boy. Your friends and family will want to help out and celebrate with you, but this way no one feels like they have to spend a lot of money.
Ooh, I like the casserole idea too. I've never heard of that, but that sounds perfect!
Casserole shower sounds like a great idea! I would love to have people fill my freezer with food. I have some things that I know I will need for #2 when the time comes we'll see what happens. If someone wants to throw me a shower well that's ok with me I guess.
This is what I did...Mine are 19 mos apart and where I did want to acknowledge she was coming and CELEBRATE HER I didnt want the whole "shower" thing where people feel obligated, etc. SO I made a reservation at Cheesecake Factory, sent a casual, pretty email to everyone inviting my closest g/f's and fam members to lunch. I also requested no gifts in the email. People WILL bring a little something but this way theres no pressure, no hoopla...just a nice relaxing lunch out.
Honestly, I don't care one way or the other what people do or don't do for their 2nd or 5th children.
My best friend is having her 2nd baby in a couple months and it will be the opposite sex of what they have and almost 3 years apart.
I'm throwing her a shower because I want to. Not because she asked. She doesn't even know that she's getting a shower because I planned it as a surprise.
It is just her close friends, our kids and husbands. No shower games, nothing formal. Just a bunch of us getting together and enjoying food and each other's company to celebrate the impending arrival of a baby we are all excited about. She doesn't have a registry and doesn't really need anything. People have asked me what they should get her and I tell them they don't have to bring a gift at all.
I agree with this.
And when they say baby #2 or #3...etc will feel bad bc they didn't get a shower....I personally just think that is so silly. My sisters aren't mad at me and never have been bc they didn't get a shower and I did when my mom was pregnant with us all.
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh that was my sil!
LOL! That's what I thought, but I didn't want to "call anybody out."
I did not have a shower for DD#1 and she isn't scarred for life, so that whole "baby will feel sad" thing is just goofy.
One of my closest friends threw us one for DS (9 years after DD#1), it was ladies in the late afternoon and a co-ed bonfire in the evening.
With DD#2 I had 3 shower "offers". One was from my aunt who wanted to have one if I had a girl (um, thanks?). The other was from DH's aunt who has thrown one for his cousin's who had babies, she just skipped us (with DS). The 3rd was from DH's sisters who felt so bad about not doing anything for DS (and one of them got a pretty damn nice shower from me and the other SILs for her baby). I let SIL's throw one just because they made me feel bad for declining. I didn't want a shower and with the exception of 2 gifts, everything we received was for a girl when we didn't know if she was one yet. Everyone just wanted her to be a girl. Yeah, so glad I'll never be pg again, lol.
I'm not opposed to showers for babies 2,3,4 and so on. There is nothing wrong with celebrating each baby:) I just think it's in how you go about it (cute clothes for each new baby, sure. Brand new deluxe stroller for each baby, um no). And I'm a registry girl...I LOVE going off of the registry. I enjoy giving the mom-to-be something she wants or needs, not something I'll get just because it's cute (and she'll probably get 10 of).
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05