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Blended Families
Vent...and WWYD...?
Once again, drama with BM ensues...
In DH's last email (see last message in my below post "Oy!") to BM he clearly stated an answer as well as the pick up/drop off dates.
BM of course responded tonight with this:
You will be sorry one day. You have not done your all. You want to accommodate within the confines of YOUR zipcode. You have not seen your son take to his football field and sack the quarterback or the youngest hit a homerun. You have seen neither collect their hard earned academic awards at their awards ceremonies. So now you can tell me you'll hear no more on the subject from THIS zipcode. You receive plenty of 96 leave periods that allow you to travel where you can stay over at the base in a $30 per night BOQ long enough to spend a 24 hour period with your boys, you choose not to. They are old enough to realize it's a choice by now.
Oldest son is exercising his choice not to see you because he feels you choose not to see him. There you go, I can't put it any plainer for you. Youngest son is coming and is excited to come, I'm excited for him. I hope not to see a devision between brothers over this.
(And that's it...first off - the reason the boys hate DH is because of BM - we live in another state - I'm glad she thinks on DH's military schedule, that he can just afford to come out whenever he wants, pay for a room and stay near a total NUT JOB who threatens to call the police on him simply because he's in the same town for a court date. She's threatened DH's career and we had to get a cease and desist against her AND she's threatened his life before. Gee, yeah makes me want to come and stay near her house...besides the fact that boys STILL do not return any of DH's calls/texts etc and say they don't want to see him)
So WWYD? DH says we shouldn't respond at all now but I'm so livid over her BS lies and her martyrdom that it just makes me want him to at least respond with something to the effect of: "Any devision between myself and the boys certainly wasn't created by myself. I look forward to the day when they are adults and my sons and I can discuss the actual truth behind these accusations. I will be picking youngest son up on Apr 2nd."
Yay? Nay? WDYT?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent...and WWYD...?
btw, it must be nice to assume we can shell out money to her heart's content when we're currently stuck with an erroneous CS order of 2,332/month not to mention providing the medical, dental, out of pocket stuff for braces, etc - oh yeah...we don't give a sh!t about those kids BM...apparently it's more important to her to surround herself with all that money and not get a job HERSELF, rather than making it possible for DH to actually see his kids more often.
She also doesn't care that there's a "family" here as well - in other words, DH should just put DS and I on the back burner and do everything she says. Total BS.
Too bad the kids don't realize we had to file a cease and desist order against their mother for all her craziness too - gee, funny how she doesn't mention that.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Leave it alone. At the most say something like, "Sorry to hear Son #1 doesn't want to come, maybe next time, look forward to seeing Son#2."
You don't want it to cause problems for the boys.
I just needed you ladies to talk me down LOL...she makes my blood boil!! So youngest SS is coming and oldest SS is not. BM is just as crazy as ever. We're not going to respond at all since we already stated the pick up/drop off dates so she can go to hell. We're not going to engage in her BS banter like she wants - she thrives on that kind of drama.
DO NOT RESPOND.
The doucher will never get it and she'll only twist what you say to suit her purposes.
Click me, click me!
Ya'll are definitely right - I guess it's just that first initial boiling of the blood that makes me feel like I'd love to respond but then we're lowering ourselves down to her level. It's not worth it for anyone and I know that not answering her, will drive her bonkers. (of course she also looks at it like we're not answering her because she's right in some capacity and that's obviously VERY far from the truth.)
She'll be getting no answer from us - but once again, the emails have become apart of the ever-growing "Psycho Rants from BM" file folder.
We also plan on telling youngest SS that he's going to be a big brother again while he's here and I know he'll obviously go back and spew that news to BM. (I guess oldest SS will get a message left on his voicemail about this since he doesn't answer DH's calls or anything) Which is totally fine. And I know this wonderful news will drive her even MORE BSC.
)
Everytime your husband fights with their mother over something totally manageable, they will continue to separate themselves further. Your husband has ownership in how badly this all went. He needs to learn how to settle down where biomom is concerned or there will be no chance to "tell his side" when their adults.
Oh, not that he should. Really, because trashtalking someone's mother, no matter how it may be deserved, is foolish. And not going to get him what he wants.
This is a very valid point. As rewarding as it may feel in the moment to tell her off or try to set her straight it won't work & it will continue into another bsc e-mail from her. If you respond at all your could just say "I'm sorry you feel that way. We are excited to see the boys on ___this date, older ss can contact me if he changes his mind."
Sparky - my DH actually doesn't *fight* with their mother - my DH isn't like that. We are the one's with a cease and desist order and anti-harassment order against HER - not the other way around. And that's because we're sane and she's not. To top it off, my DH has never trash talked their mother and doesn't plan on it. He's not like her. However, SHE has been the one telling the boys since day 1 of the divorce that DH is a bad person, a liar, a bad dad, a cheater, etc - all untrue things that she's used in her manipulation of turning the boys against DH. And I wouldhave to disagree with you as far as my DH having "ownership" in how badly this went. This is all on BM for the simple fact that it is impossible for her to just ANSWER an email like a NORMAL person with a yes or no to dates. I guarantee you if the entire string of email exchanges was brought into a court room, my DH wouldn't be the one they're raising an eyebrow at for a SECOND. I'm not sure where or what you think my DH needs to "calm down about" because he is the calm and rational one here.
(if you re-read my post this is about me venting and what I would LIKE to write to her but didn't - I don't think you're 100% clear on that and I know you're definitely not familiar with our situation and how it's been for the last several years just by your response.)
Couple that with our file folder chalk FULL of psychotic rambling emails full of threats we've received from BM over the years - talk about a hot mess. I'd say we never responded to about 90% of them but she kept on sending them and kept on calling DH's work and trying to threaten his career. Amazing how that all came to a screeching halt once she got served with a cease and desist and AMAZING how there's been total peace. UNTIL, Dh sends a one-liner saying "I'm picking up youngest SS on Apr 2nd and dropping him back off Apr 8th" - from that, this is where we end up. Not our fault - hers - but she will never take ownership for anything she's ever done or continues to do.)
To top it off - when my DH's sons are adults and if they come to him asking questions, DH isn't going to "talk crap" about their mother but he isn't going to paint her out to be some prefect pretty princess because she isn't. If the boys want to see proof that BM denied letting DH see the boys on several occasions or purposely took them out of town, then they are more than welcome to that - if they have questions about the 8 page cease and desist and anti-harassment issues we have against their mother, then we're not going to deny it and say "oh no nothing like that ever happened, your mother is perfect!" If they come seeking the truth - that is what will be provided - not lies, not trash talk. There's a distinct difference - the truth hurts and when you're going to go out of your way to be an evil person then eventually I guess it catches up with you.
I wouldn't send any more emails. Your DH has told her multiple times the dates he is coming, there is no more need to call again. Just save the emails like all the rest.
ANd sadly with you both being military families it makes it hard to see a football game, etc. That's what sucks, but there is nothing else that can be done. Is a football game worth 1k or whatever? For us to see SD do something it would cost us a minimum of 3k, it can't be done. I'm sure though you'll be at his graduation, a very important moment even if they don't invite you.
Your DH has repeatedly fought for those boys both in court and out, I disagree with those that said he needs to keep fighting and dragging 17 SS out. He's been doing it for years, this one trip is not going to tip the scale so that SS suddenly realizes that DH does love him. If anything he'll eventually realize that DH respected him being an adult and let him make his decision.