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To call or not to call?

meghan_mariemeghan_marie member
in Single Parents
He doesn't. He doesn't care to call and check up on baby and I. I tell him everytime I talk to him to feel free to call and check up on baby anytime he wants to. I tell him when I have my appointments and he still doesn't care to call and check up on the baby until 3 or 4 days later then he will send a one-word text saying "update". When he fails to do at least that much I'll text him an update about a week after my appointment and update him anyways. He says he feels like I should call him reguarly. Right now I'm trying to prove he is unfit. Should I stop communication with him unless he tries to contact me or continue doing what I'm doing? If I can help it I want full-custody of the baby. I'm fine with visitation rights but I don't want my baby staying with him. He really is an unfit father. If you've been following my story, you'll know what I'm talking about.
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Re: To call or not to call?

  • achase123achase123
    Don't call him anymore and document document document everything!
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  • meghan_mariemeghan_marie member

    I have a notebook going of convos that we have had since he started going nutty on me. I also have printed phone records. I've never been in this kind of situation before so I have no idea what a judge is looking for. I feel like what I have written down is almost hear say. I mean, in the judge's eyes, couldn't I have just made up something that he sent in the texts or phone calls and wrote it all down? I feel like I should be doing more. What else do I need to be doing or is this enough??

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  • fauxshelleyfauxshelley member
    I would email any "updates" to your ex and then only if he requests it.  You may have to show that you are not difficult to deal with and withholding information from him.  Also print out a copy of every email conversation for your records.
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  • xcjen06xcjen06

    imagefauxshelley:
    I would email any "updates" to your ex and then only if he requests it.  You may have to show that you are not difficult to deal with and withholding information from him.  Also print out a copy of every email conversation for your records.

    I never heard any questions from stbxh about the baby. About a month ago I asked our "mediator" (a navy chaplain) if he ever asks about the baby and he said no. The next week when the chaplain called me he said that he had mentioned this to ex and that ex wanted to see ultrasound pictures. I had a feeling he didn't really care about the pictures and was asking only because the chaplain brought it up so I never brought in pictures or said anything else about it. He has not asked about the baby since then. Would that count as being difficult and withholding information in court?

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  • meghan_mariemeghan_marie member
    imagexcjen06:

    imagefauxshelley:
    I would email any "updates" to your ex and then only if he requests it.  You may have to show that you are not difficult to deal with and withholding information from him.  Also print out a copy of every email conversation for your records.

    I never heard any questions from stbxh about the baby. About a month ago I asked our "mediator" (a navy chaplain) if he ever asks about the baby and he said no. The next week when the chaplain called me he said that he had mentioned this to ex and that ex wanted to see ultrasound pictures. I had a feeling he didn't really care about the pictures and was asking only because the chaplain brought it up so I never brought in pictures or said anything else about it. He has not asked about the baby since then. Would that count as being difficult and withholding information in court?

    I asked him if he wanted u/s pictures and he said yes.. He never would have asked if I didn't bring it up. I then emailed him a copy of the pictures. Just email them to him. It's not with-holding information if you showed him the pictures he "asked for".

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  • meghan_mariemeghan_marie member

    imagefauxshelley:
    I would email any "updates" to your ex and then only if he requests it.  You may have to show that you are not difficult to deal with and withholding information from him.  Also print out a copy of every email conversation for your records.

    This is an amazing idea!! I am definately doing this from now on!

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  • fauxshelleyfauxshelley member
    I can't take credit for it, my attorney suggested I do this while pregnant.
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  • blondnearbyblondnearby

    I don't know if I am current on your situation, but document everything.  If something happens on the phone send him and email about shortly there after using words like as we discussed or just his general attitude etc.  However, I will say that most judges will not rule the BF as unfit unless there is substantial evidence to the such.  My stbx choked me while PG, was uninvolved in DD#2s entire pregnancy, and I even had documentation that he hit DD#1 upside the head and the judge never ordered supervised visits. It was not until me stbx verbally abused the mediator during our mediation that the subject of supervised visits was brought up.  I was basically told that unless he physically hurts or puts the child in danger that they will not declare him as unfit.  Also this goes along with drug abuse, unless he is doing it around the child and you have proof, a judge most likely will not judge against the parent.

    Trust me, I wish my stbx had supervised visits but my experience is that is rarely happens unless there is significant proof. 

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  • ootmother2ootmother2
    State laws may be different but I would continue to send updates and keep copies of them.  His lack of response does show his disinterest which could be used against him in the custody.
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  • ootmother2ootmother2

    sorry, misread

     

    don't call, registered mail or email that can be documented.

     

    good luck

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  • meghan_mariemeghan_marie member

    Thank y'all so much! I definately think from now on I'm going to have all convos done through mail or email. I'm also going to go out and buy me a tape recorder so if something comes up where I have to talk to him in person or over the phone I can record it that way as well.

    I remember you telling me about the chemo treatments and how creul he was to DD, I can't believe the judge almost ruled out the possibility of supervised visits! That's crazy! 

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