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One is attached to me

AdamsGirl81305AdamsGirl81305 member
in Multiples

I have so many thoughts swirling in my head tonight, so hopefully this comes out so you can understand it.

Lizzie is a momma's girl.  Abi does well being on her own, playing, talking, laughing.  Of course she loves her momma and still needs me, but not to the extent of Lizzie.  If I am sitting on the floor with the girls, Lizzie feels the need to be climbing on my.  If I put her off to the side and ignore her, she comes back crying.  

Tonight I noticed how Lizzie gets jealous of Abi.  At daycare, I picked Abi up to get her coat on.  As soon as Lizzie saw me holding Abi, she freaked out.  She would not let our daycare lady put her coat on.  I had to take her if we wanted to get out of there.  

I feel like she has gotten so attached to me.  As much as I love the fact that my baby needs/wants me, it is getting tough.  I can only take so much of her hanging on me all of the time.

I know she is still young, so is this normal?  Is there anything I can do to break this dependence?

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Re: One is attached to me

  • macchiattomacchiatto member
    Your girls are about the age mine were when separation anxiety hit (it hit for one about a month before the other). It lasted about a month for each of them, though I've heard it comes and goes.
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
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  • regenabregenab member

    Yeah I could have written this post. I have one that is super clingy. It started when she was about 10 months old and has gotten progressively worse over the months and is still going on. Most of my day is spent trying to handle her clingyness. I have been doing some reading on the subject lately since I have realized this is just not going away. From what I read it is normal for children to have seperation anxiety starting anytime around 9 months and can last up until age 2. So looks like I am in it for the long haul. From what I have read older infants and into early toddler go through a new exploration phase as they are learning about their world. They love that they can do all these new things but often become upset or scared and need to cling onto a parent for support since we are their lifeline. And I see this all day, she will play independently with her toys at times and then just come over a second later and just want to be in my lap or on top of me. It is really bad when I am getting meals ready for them to eat, she has to be between my legs during the whole process and crying.

    From what I read they suggest introducing a security object, I use a lovey. When she is really upset but I just cannot hold her all the time, I come down to her level and let her know that I understand she is upset and sooth her with my tone of talking and give her the lovey and tell her that I cannot pick her up right now, but she can hold onto her lovey while I do whatever it is I need to get done. I also reassure her that I am not leaving her and she should hold her lovey. Bascially trying to get her to take comfort in her lovey and soothe herself with that instead of constantly being held (which is what she wants). It is hard most days on both of us. Harder still because I am a SAHM and my DH travels 90% of the time for work so all of her waking time is spent with me.

    Also when we go places (play areas at the mall) or to a playgroup she is always clingy. I will sit on the floor and she usually sits on my lap. I don't hold her I just let her sit on my lap and after about 5 min. she usually feels comfortable enough to venture off a little to play like the other children. She usually almost always comes back to my lap several times, but I don't cuddle her or anything, I just let her sit back down on my lap with my arms at my sides and let her go back out on her own when she is ready. Pushing her to play just makes it worse.

    Lastly from what I read, as stated above, this usually peaks by age 2 for most children. I hope so because I cannot imagine trying to put her in preschool at age 3 if she is still doing this. I feel so bad because even when my DH is home she still is stuck on me and she will not accept him as a substitute.

    Not trying to scare you just trying to prepare you if this does not go away in the next month or so. My other twin is nothing like this, she is very independent and layed back, nothing seems to phase her. She plays where and when and with whom she wants. Not really caring who gives her attention.

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  • ShainaShaina
    Ditto Regenab to a "T"!!!!
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  • macchiattomacchiatto member
    I should add, I've heard that one thing that helps is to actually leave them more often with other people (in a safe way that builds trust) so they can start to see that you go away but you always come back, and that other people can be safe and trusted, too.
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
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  • janjagjanjag member
    from what i've heard, this is a phase common at their age. 
    Photobucket Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • Temp159135562506975Temp159135562506975 member

    totally normal. I have a feeling Gibby will be like that - he's a lot more attached to me- snuggly- needs more attention- won't play as long as Gray does on his own, etc.  Gibby is also having some night time bed issues- he wants us in there with him - it's been rough the past few nights- and before that he would go down so easily.... the joys of attachment anxiety!

    Just give her reassuring hugs and smiles... so she'll feel safe even if you aren't touching her- she'll learn- and evetually won't want to be held much at all - running away all the time and you'll miss this stage :)

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