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Single Parents
this sucks so much
hey ladies. im just joining the "single parent" group and it really sucks. who would have thought after over 2 years of marriage i'd be raising our baby on my own. i guess it just hurts more at night when the house is all quiet and it sinks in that he won't be walking in the door. 
when does the crying and pain stop?
when does the crying and pain stop? This discussion has been closed.
Re: this sucks so much
I am so sorry!
For me, I cried the first 13 days, and yes I counted. I never thought it was going to end. Then I went 24 hours without crying. Then I would have a day or two without and then maybe just a few minutes of crying as opposed to hours.
It does get better. H has been gone for about 7 weeks now, and while it still hurts, I don't cry near as much, I don't miss him as much, and most importantly I'm not thinking about him as much.
I still have my rough days, but there are fewer and farther inbetween.
Our 3rd anniversary was about 3 weeks after he left.
No one gets married thinking in X amount of years I will be divorced and a single parent! There are some things in life that we have no control over, we just have to do what we can to get through them.
I wouldn't say that I'm happy about being a single parent, I wish he was home, but I know that soon enough I will be happy without him. It just takes time, and that is something we can't rush.
This board is a great support! We are all here when you need us.
It took me a few weeks to really feel like this was my new "normal."
Then another few months before I found myself actually looking forward to the divorce and the future rather than dreading it. Of course I think this process moved along faster for me because of my STBX doing douchey things the entire time we were separated.
I'm really sorry you are going through this. Hang in there, it will get better and you can do this.
Nighttime is the hardest, especially when you settle down for bed. There's nobody next to you anymore.
I've been away from him since June of 09. I still cry. The beginning when I first came home, I was a complete mess.
Days go by and by, it gets somewhat easier. I went from crying every hour, to every day, to every other day, to 2 times a week. And so on.. It takes a while.
And if there was no closure, it's even tougher, IMO. Cause you still have the what if's and all the questions. We tend to over analyze every single thing. Torturing ourselves with replaying piece by piece every 10 minutes.
It's okay to cry though, so don't feel any shame in it. Your days will be hard at first but eventually it will be easier. And when the sadness does hit you, let it hit you. It's like a beach wave, let it come in, but in a few minutes it will leave.
You need to act as if you don't care, and eventually that will turn into not caring anymore. Don't let him play games with you, you be the one to play games with him, he already had his turn. - Men suck.
But good luck, we're always here for you!
This!! I HATE this part. I know that it's over, but I still question everything, replay the last few months in my head. Try to let every single thing mean something...and I knew I was simply tortuering myself. I am just now after 7 weeks getting to where I'm actually mad about the whole thing. It's still hard,and there are certain thing that I dread the day they happen.
And for whatever reason, it makes you feel a little less nutty knowing that others feel the same way!
I haven't cried. I guess it's because I left with no regrets.
I'm so sorry sweetie. I know it's hard but it will get better.
This exactly. When I read these posts it makes me so happy I shut down a long time ago and knew the end was coming. I could not imagine raising LO alone and being heartbroken at the same time! Good luck!
I never regretted leaving him either but I still cry a lot. I hate that I thought I was going to be happily married and I was in love, so what makes me cry most often is that I am going through everything without a man who loves me by my side. Doesn't mean I am going to try to find a man to take that place, I just wish that the man I had married wouldn't have turned out the way he did.
To the OP, I am very sorry. Don't feel bad if you have bad days. But things will get easier each day, women are strong, especially mothers. And you will find plenty of support from this board if you need to vent or have questions.
I'll be honest, there were times I thought long and hard about what I was doing and thought maybe I was making a huge mistake by leaving. My friends and family pulled me through and made me realize I was doing the right thing. That was a huge eye opener for me. I then left with no regrets. I haven't cried since the day before I decided to get out.
It will stop. My ex and I were married 8.5 years ... lived to together for 10 years. After 10 years of living with someone, you really feel the loneliness when he isn't there -- at first. He has been out for a little over a month now and I am actually happy and can see that I will have a future and it will be a better future than I would have had with ex.
The hard part for me is that I am in my mid-30s (I get the sense that a lot of posters on this board are younger than I am) and many of my friends are having their second child and happily still married and I have to start over. That is the hard part. It isn't about missing my ex anymore.
Something that helped me was starting a journal. Write down every doushey thing he does or did. Then when you feel you miss him, read it and you will remember why you will be better off in the long run.
I second this. One day you will be ready to let it go (the journal) because you realize that you are over him. That is the feeling of freedom.
BTW, ak071401, I am 36 and just had my 2nd child.
OMG sooooo this!!!! Starting a journal was my New Year's Resolution. While I have an awesome support network, I knew that I couldn't pick up the phone and call crying all times of the night and day (despite their invitations to do so). So now, whenever I'm feeling lonely or sad (which, like the previous posters always happens at night), I pull out my journal and just write about whatever comes to mind. Sometimes my thoughts bring me to tears and sometimes I find myself being angry at STBXH all over again. Regardless of the feelings I have while I"m writing, I always put my journal up and feel 100% better.
I, like the other posters, am VERY sorry that you're going thru this. But KNOW you WILL be ok!! It's going to be hard, it's going to be emotional, some days will be much better than others but just look at your DC and Thank God for them every single day bc it seems regardless of how upset I am at STBXH, when I see my son's smile, nothing else even matters. Just hang in there!!
*hug* Taking that step out alone is tough... but we're here too so come sit and cry with us! We'll be here to listen and lend a shoulder or cry with you. I've only been here a few days (because I didn't realize the board was here) and I already love talking to these ladies.
I am also 36 and just had my first child
so you aren't with all younger ladies. lol