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Immature father?? Help!
The father of my child - now ex-boyfriend - has decided that he can't show any sign of being commited to this child, even though it's not even born yet. I'm 20 weeks and alone. How can I make him stop running away from his child? I want him to be a part of his/her life, but I can't let him in if he's going to act like a child himself. Should I just boot him out of the picture and be a completely single parent??
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Re: Immature father?? Help!
I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I'm 12 weeks right now and the father of my child has yet to show any signs of commitment to his baby. He doesn't call to check up on me or the baby and he knows I'm considered high risk. He has been to one appt and it was a FIGHT to get him to pay a $30 co-pay. He sent me one text message after my 10 week check-up that said, "update?". That was it. I told him heart rate 178 and is growing on target. He told me, "thanks". That's the last discussion we had about the baby. He called me and cried on the phone for 30 minutes about how he wanted me back, never mentioned LO until I mentioned it. At that point he demanded 50% custody. I told him I was getting off the phone with him and that was the last I've heard of him. If he can't grow some balls and start acting like he gives a care about our baby I'll be sure to kick him out the picture completely. I don't mind being a single parent. I actually like being pregnant and single. It makes things a lot less complicated and I'm free to do as I please. I mean, I wasn't able to hug someone when we were still together because it might squish the baby to death. I don't really want him having anything to do with the baby because he isn't exactly mentally stable. If I were you, and I'll do the same thing. Give him a chance to be a father to this baby. Around 30 weeks if he hasn't grown up then kick him out until he can be a good father. I'm not saying he will never grow up, but I don't want the father of my child wondering in and out of my child's life because he isn't sure he wants a relationship with his baby. How old is he?? And are you putting the father's name on the birth certificate?
Plain and simple, you can not make him do anything!
He will be a father when and if he is ever ready.
If it were me, I would update him after every appointment, and if he wants to know/do anything else leave it on him.
I would go ahead and get the mindset that you are going to be a single parent, in order to save yourself a little bit of heartache.
Only time will tell if he is going to be a father, but you will always be mom!
Good luck!
This.
Ever hear that saying ... "A woman becomes a mother the moment she finds out she is pregnant... a man becomes a father the first time he holds his baby."
Hopefully that is your BF in this situation. Men are immature. But definitely keep him updated, ask him if he wants to come to doctor appointments, etc.
I think I have heard that somewhere before. I definately find that to be true though. Sometimes I wish men would think with their heads, and not their little ones.
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
You can't. You can't make someone do something they don't want to and you can't make someone grow up. You can do what you have to do and take care of yourself and your child as best you can. If he comes around, fine. If not, you and your child may be better off.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Then again even after holding the baby, they never grow any balls and b a man..I know mine hasn't yet.. The whole pregnancy he had nothing to do with me or the baby...He came to the hospital the day after I had her and ever since coming home I haven't heard a peep from him... So not always does the boy grow into a man after seeing and holding his little one!!!
And advice to you... I feel much better being a single mother than to be with someone that wants nothing to do with his own child.. Maybe he will grow up and be a man but maybe not.. Until then keep your head high and don't let him get to you...remember you have to think of that baby now and not yourself... All the stress can harm your baby so tuck it away for after birth or maybe just tuck it away.. It worked for me and now I'm doing wonderfully even without his help!!!! Good Luck to you!! I wish you the best...
Oh I know, trust me! Not every man lives up to this quote. But for a majority it's true. Hopefully this is the case with her boyfriend though, ya know what I mean?
But to the OP, I would definitely say that you should at least TRY to get him involved. You can only lead a horse to water but you can make him drink.
If he doesn't wanna hear it then the hell with him! Onto the next one. But just don't let your BF come and go as he pleases. Your child will only become confused if he comes into his/her life every 3 months. The child needs consistency in their life.
Mine is the same way... and there is nothing you can do really. Let him know what's going on and give him updates, but he will just have to come around on his own.