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Multiples
Anyone else have dh problems?
We can't seem to agree on anything re how to bring up the twins, and we're starting to fight... a lot.
We never fought that much until after they were born. There are so many issues, that I'm not really sure where to begin, but essentially, we just don't see eye to eye on how to raise them.
It's strange, because we agree on the major things (eg education, faith, etc etc), which is why we were happy to have kids in the first place... but when it comes to the day to day logistics (eg watching tv; how to have them sttn; when to start jogging with them etc), we're always at an impasse. He's much more laissez-faire than I am, and it's driving both of us insane.
Just an example, my dh has insisted on letting them cio since they were 3 weeks old!! I'm of the school that says 4 mths (if that). In that case, I won because, luckily for us, they did not ever need to cio.
Does anyone else have similar issues with their dh? What do you do to try to overcome them? At this rate, we're declining fast & I'm worried we'll get to a point where we won't even like each other anymore 
Thanks for letting me vent.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone else have dh problems?
I would really recommend seeking a few sessions of marriage counseling to get some skills for resolving those types of conflict. Even the healthiest couples can benefit from a few sessions with a trained objective counselor.
I have a similar problem except my DH cant seem to handel taking care of themon his own leaving me to do ALL the work. i never get a break and when i do tell him to take them b/c im spent he will make some smart comment like yeah i know staying home all day is so hard and your really stressed!!!! he has NO idea what its like everyday heck he cant manage for 1 hour so i dont want to hear his sarcastic comments.
the latest issue is DS has been having an awful time w/ reflux and screams through half of his feeding and DD has gotten so lazy when she eats it literally takes an hour making tandem feeding almost impossible and DH decided the other day that i need to start doing the night feedings alone b/c he needs to work and im mean all i do is sit around all day with the babies!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so he helps with 3 feedings and now i have to take on another one alone?!!? so i tried to make a deal with him i do the 3am and he takes the 7 am yeah well i held up my end of the deal and the next 7 am feeding DH wakes me up to help him b/c i mean he says he is no good at tandem feeding. again wtf!!!
so i have no real help just a whole lot of sympathy!!
So sorry to hear that. I feel very very alone, too... and I grew up with parents who fought every single day, so am trying to avoid that in my twins' case.
I think we will seek some counseling, as suggested by another poster. Neither of us has any family here, so it looks like that might be the best route for us. I hope it works... and hope you find something that works for you, too. Thanks for sharing.
I'll take sympathy!
Yeah, a lot of dh's don't seem to get it that sahm's don't have it easy! In fact, when my dh tries to take on a morning (just the morning!!) every couple of weekends, he's a right mess and always needs my help. There is no break. It doesn't help with the situation we're in, at all.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Adding 1 baby, let alone 2, to even the strongest marriage will shake it. I second the counseling rec.
A few things that helped with DH when DD came home. First, I think it important to understand that my DH has never thought I have it easy when I'm home with her (I work PT, plus he's in the Army). He doesn't always say thank you, which is what I need to hear sometimes, but he doesn't ever put it down either. Part of that, I think, is because I left DD with him for a day. I pumped enough so that she could eat, and I left.
They had to learn each other, the same way she and I had to learn each other. DH needed to learn the confidence that he could do it and didn't have to rely on me 100% of the time, and she had to learn that her daddy could do it (it would just be different than how mama does it - that's not good or bad, just different).
Another thing that helps, when I have an idea that he doesn't like, it to require that he do his own research and bring me another feasible solution. If he can't, or won't, we utilize my idea. It helps show him that I don't dream a lot of stuff up just to keep life interesting. It also helps keep communication open, because if he takes the time to do it then I figure it's important to hear him out. A lot of the time, we take bits and pieces from both suggestions and use that.
There are some things, like the CIO in your instance, that I'm not willing to budge on. He just has to deal. And he does, quite well. He's a logical thinker, so as long as I explain my reasoning (and occasionally show him the research or infant development info) he shuts up.
If it helps, we've gone through the same thing. DH won't understand where I'm coming from or won't listen when I'm saying something, and I get super mad and frustrated so that I can't stand him. Of course, then he has no idea why I'm mad . . .
Give it a little time -- it gets better. A new baby, let alone more than one, is stressful! I think it's helped that we've read/discussed books on topics that we disagree on. We both become a bit more educated, and see the reasoning behind doing something a certain way. We read the book at the same time, too (for example, HSHHT) -- I'll read 3 chapters, then he'll read chapters . . .