help - baby shower WWYD

BabyH2010 · January 2010

Ok so I have two friends that offered to throw showers for my baby. One wanted to do a shower for my close friends, and the other wanted to keep it smaller, inviting more of my mother's and MIL's friends (the ones that I know well). My issue is with that.... I can only think of a handful of ladies I would invite that "count" as mom's or MIL's friends, and I'm a little uncomfortable inviting more, because I don't want to look gift grabby.

Also, I don't want it to become a "Grandmothers Shower" because mom and MIL are known to get a bit competitive (although they get along perfectly) when it comes to making invite lists. At my wedding, it got so big that I was actually introducing myself to people they had invited and I had no idea who they were (we are talking 400 people at that event).

I explained this to my mom nicely, and I think she got offended. But I can't help but feel that there is a fine line between someone being close enough to be invited to a baby shower, and just beyond that reach.

My mother even suggested she could host a cocktail party for her friends for this baby! Ummm.... no way. That's not anything like what I had imagined for a baby shower.

Has anyone else had to deal with their mother (or MIL) doing anything like this?

amandydean · January 2010

Since you have a friend who is willing to host, perhaps you could ask your friend what a safe limit is to the number of people she could host. Or just suggest a number to her that you're comfortable with. Then, split that number in half and tell each grandmother how many she can invite. Be very clear that your friend can only host so many, and you'll be sure to send announcements out to anyone else after the baby is born.

pam1005 · January 2010

I had two showers like that. One was just for my friends and and close family (about 20 people) and the other one was all my mom's friends and neighbors I grew up with (about 20 people too). Maybe ask your friend what she feels comfortable with numbers wise and set a limit with your mom and MIL. That is what I did for my "mom's shower." I only knew about half the people there, was a bit uncomfortable at first, but received a lot of helpful gifts and advice at that shower.

mysticporter · January 2010

The idea of having one shower for close friends and a separate one for parents friends/not as close friends seems odd to me, honestly. I'd probably suggest either the friends combine their efforts to do one shower (for people you are friends with, be they through your mother/MIL or not) or decline the one offering to do it for your mother and MIL's friends that you also know. If it's delineated by mother/MIL's friends, it's going to have a Grandmother's Shower feel no matter what you do. That said, I don't think there's anything in and of itself wrong with that....both my mother and MIL had friends who wanted to throw them something, so if it's one of their friends wanting to host something for them, I'd let it happen and just stay out of the way of the arranging, it's their business. Hopefully it won't get too competitive, but if it makes them happy, like I said, I'd stay out of it and enjoy the other shower as being what you had imagined/would enjoy and just show up and smile and nod for the other.

cajungirl0717 · January 2010

amandydean:

Since you have a friend who is willing to host, perhaps you could ask your friend what a safe limit is to the number of people she could host. Or just suggest a number to her that you're comfortable with. Then, split that number in half and tell each grandmother how many she can invite. Be very clear that your friend can only host so many, and you'll be sure to send announcements out to anyone else after the baby is born.

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