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loss question, need advise

giaM28giaM28 member
in Babies on the Brain

my cousin recently lost her baby boy at 23 weeks last year. I was very very close to her and when she lost the baby she became very distant. i called her once a week, mostly spoke to her H, or shot her an email just so she knew i was there if she needed me. i didnt care if she called me back or emailed me back. after 2 months she opened back up to me and we spoke like normal again (almost every day). she would talk about the baby and i would listen.

We just told the family about our baby 2 weeks ago and i havent heard from her since i told her.  what should i do? i know this is hard for her but I miss her. i dont know if i should back off or if i should call her to check in or send an email. i dont want to be insensitive to her but i also dont want her to think im not there.

what would you do?

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Re: loss question, need advise

  • FiremansWife2009babyFiremansWife2009baby

    I'd send her an email and let her know that you realize its hard for her, but that you are still here for her. She's probably just dealing with emotions of her loss and your pg.

    Don't push it too hard, just let her know that you dont want to bother her and smother her if its hard for her, but you also miss her and want to be there for her. She will come around.

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  • Scout05Scout05 member

    I am speaking only from personal experience, so I hope this comes out okay.

    My SIL is pregnant with her third right now, and even though I love her so much, and her baby SO much, I cannot be around her, or talk to her right now. I know that's wrong, but it just eats me up and breaks my heart.

    I am so jealous and sad, and guilty and heartbroken all at the same time - that I told DH I just need time and space to get myself in a better place. I don't ever want to say or do anything hurtful to her, so distance is the best bet for right now.

    I am guessing your cousin feels the same. It's not that we aren't really happy for the people in our lives being blessed with babies. It's just...the pain is so much bigger than you, sometimes, you know? It is crushing, and ugly, and you just don't want to risk hurting someone you love with it.

    I am so sorry for both of you, because you are both hurting right now. I would give her time, and she'll come around when she is mentally and emotionally able to do so.

     

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  • MandyBrownNoserMandyBrownNoser member

    I'd just leave it or send a simple email saying hi, keeping it very loose.

    I haven't talked to my sister hardly at all since she told me she is pregnant.  Mainly because I just can't deal with that right now.  Perhaps with time but not now. 

    Fuuck TTC - I'm moving on.
    imageimageimageimage
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    "It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
    "Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
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  • mrs_b_2007mrs_b_2007 member

    give her all the space she needs & wants.

    I am on the shiit end of this right now, as we speak. My due date was yesterday & my brother & SIL just announced to me they are pregnant. 

    I cannot even bring myself to talk to them or my parents. I'm not mad or angry, I just need to be away from it & have space to deal.

    What is pissing me off, is my family bugging the crap out of me & not letting me have my space. Which is all I want.

     

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  • giaM28giaM28 member
    thanks ladies, ill just keep up with the occasional email or phone call to check in. if she wants to pick up or reply ill be there when shes ready. untill then i wont do anything more.
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