LGBT Parenting
NLGBTR. Needing advice.
Hi all.
I regularly post on the TTGP board but I thought you may be able to help me out. Last night my niece told me that she "no longer has interest in boys."
Me - So are you interested in girls?
Niece - ::Shrugs:: Not sure.
We were interrupted by my H and she looked at me like she didn't want me to say anything. My first instinct is to not tell anyone. But after some thought - do you think she told me because she wants me to tell her parents? She's a freshman in high school. Should I ask her about it? I'm sure it's very confusing for her and I think she should talk to someone.
Thanks for your help.
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Re: NLGBTR. Needing advice.
IMO I would not tell her parents. She felt comfortable talking to you for a reason. At her age I had several adult females that I would tell things that I would never tell my own mother. Maybe bring it up in conversation the next time you are alone with her. Tell her it's okay to not like boys right now and if she happes to like girls that's okay to too. Leave the door open for her to tell you what she is comfortable with.
I'd only go to the parents if her safety was at stake or something like that. Just saying "not sure" isn't a reason to break the trust she has in you.
Ditto this 100%.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
It may not be that confusing. I know for me, I figured it out while I was parallel parking a car. And then SO MANY THINGS just made sense. I felt like I understood myself for the first time and had my first moment of complete peace since I had started dating.
I think it would be best to hang back for now. Give her the freedom to know you won't freak out and that you listen. People are shaped by their experience coming out of the closet, if indeed that is what she is doing. Most gay people will never forget telling the family. Gay folk trade that story around a lot like all people trade their 'first time' stories.
Think about the message you want to send if she does bring it up again. I *hope* it would be one of acceptance and a reinforcement of her making safe choices. Girls tend to fall with their heart significantly before anything physical happens, so don't assume anything for now.
Best of luck to you and your niece!
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
Thank you for the replies. I feel much better about the situation. I think she confided in me because I have several gay friends who she has met in the past and knows that I will not judge her. I can't say the same for the rest of the family. Her parents are very conservative and just thinking about their reaction makes my heart hurt. I think I'll wait a while and bring it up when she's had some more time to think.
Thank you again.
I agree with PP's.
I would not tell anyone. She is is likely just testing the waters and trying to work through whatever she is feeling or thinking by saying it out loud, looking for a "safe" person to talk to etc.
It's so great that you were there for her :-)