If your kid won't go to bed....

Re: If your kid won't go to bed....

• preciousmetal member

  January 2010

  I'm having a similar issue with my DD. I feel like it's our fault because we co-slept with her until she was 2 and now she needs someone with her to be able to fall asleep. I end up laying with her for 45 minutes to an hour to get her to finally sleep every night. It's such a pain.

  
  
  

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• jsugrin member

  January 2010

  Part of my advice would really depend on is this a new thing?  Has he ever gone to sleep easily and by himself?  Did he just transition to a real bed (since you say he's getting up and running around)?

  For my 2 year old we have always had to rock him to sleep and it used to be that we had to put him down dead asleep or he'd cry and cry.  We did CIO and it never made any difference for him.  What we've been doing it slowly working on his going to sleep in his bed. 

  First we would put him down mostly asleep and just pat his back, rub his head, whatever.  If he cried we'd pick him up and rock him some more and repeat until he stayed in bed and fell asleep.

  Then we moved on to reading books on our bed and taking him to his room after books were done.  He'd lay down in bed and sometimes we'd have to lay with him, sometimes we could just be in the room and sing to him.

  Now we do books in his room with a very small light.  The last book is "read" in the dark(it's memorized now, we always finish with the same one) and often he falls asleep at some point in that process.

  The next step for us is today I am making up a sitcker reward chart.  I went to the Dollar store yesterday and  now we are going to do books and then leave.  If he stays in his room and falls asleep without coming out at all he will get to put a sticker on his chart and get a small reward.  For a full week of straight to bed he'll get a big reward.  Obviously we haven't done this yet but I think it will work effectively.

   

  I know that's a long route but it's what he has needed.  I think your friend needs to one, figure out if that really should be his bedtime (maybe he's really overtired and should be going down earlier, maybe it should just be moved back to 9), is he taking a nap too late in the day?  Then she needs to figure out what he values and use that to help reward him for making the right choice in going to sleep without a lot of fuss.  Right now she's in a power struggle and she has got to get him involved in a way that makes him feel responsible and then proud of going to sleep.  It's the only way she'll get him over this hump.
  

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• LM2003

  January 2010

  I am ashamed that I didnt' develop better sleep habits with my 2 year old.  From birth on i nursed her to sleep (up to 9 months), then bottle to sleep until a year.  THen from 1 year to 2 years old I would sit with her on the couch to calm her down and cuddle until she fell asleep.  Once she fell asleep we put her in her bed.  Luckily she'd stay there and rarely gets up.  Now at 2 years old her brother who is 9 months old will go to sleep on his own and she wouldn't! 

  So I decided that I needed to do something to get her on track.  For the last 2 weeks we have talked about how her brother goes to sleep like a good boy and sleeps in his bed.  I put him to bed first and then we spend 15 mins or so cuddling on the couch each night before she goes to bed. 

  I prepare her for what will happen by talking her through our evening.  I will say...  I'm going to put your brother to sleep and then we will cuddle on the couch for a little bit before you go in your bed. 

  After we cuddle a little bit I will tell her okay in a few minutes we are going to go up to bed like a big girl. 

  Then we go upstairs and I tuck her in.  She likes me to sit for a few mintues with her and rub her back and play with her hair. I don't usually stay for more than 2-3 mins.

  I rub her back and tell her how much mommy and daddy love her and how she is a lucky little girl to have all this love.  She tells me she loves me and then I tell her night night and I will see her in the morning.

  It has worked perfectly the past 2 weeks and I feel bad that all she needed was a set routine.  Why did I wait so long!?!?!?

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• moroccojade member

  January 2010

  Most little ones like company when falling asleep.  (Many adults, too. My DH can't stand when I'm working late. 

   For a while some were trying to get me worked up about it...  but then I did some reading and realized it was totally normal and not a big deal.  It won't last forever. Soon enough they'll be preteens with skulls and crossbones on their doors wanting us to keep out.  And we'll wistfully look back at this time when they actually wanted us close.
  

   So our routine is 3 books, lights out, put music on...  and sit by her bed.  DH just zones out.  I bring in my laptop.  She's out in 10 minutes.  
  

   

   
  

   

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• livinitup

  January 2010

  You can't force a child to sleep but you can enforce some rules around bedtime.  Like zero-tolerance on coming out of the room.  Be consistant that that behavior always results in a no-talk return to bed, not time with mommie or another snack.  In addition, instead of fighting when he falls asleep let him have some soft books and toys in his crib.  Even some soft music.  Maybe create more of a quiet time atmosphere instead of requiring sleep.  Some children and adults just need more time to fall asleep and need self-soothing techniques to get there. 

  My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.

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