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Tell me it's not possible... please?

SapphyrEyesSapphyrEyes
in Eco-Friendly Family

DS just threw a colossal sized tantrum over his amber necklace.  First he wanted to wear it and then started screaming and tried yanking it off so I removed it and put it away before he broke it.  It just sent him into a tizzy.  He ran around the room banging his head into things and throwing stuff on the floor.  Then he started banging his feet next to the toy chest where I keep my laptop.  He yanked on the cord and it fell smack onto his face.  As far as I can tell he's fine but will most likely have some nice bruises tomorrow all across his forehead and possibly face.  (DH isn't home right now.)  And his eyes look fine.  I shined a light at them and they did what they're supposed to do. 

How do other moms with high needs kids handle these tantrums?  These are seriously the worst.  And if I let him just keep going and ignore it then meddling from the peanut gallery happens and I don't want him to work himself into such a frenzy that he gets sick or anything else.  And he will just keep going.  His longest tantrum so far has been an hour and a half and it was a complete fail in trying to calm or distract him.  It's not possible to have two high needs kids, is it?  Because right now this is scaring the living daylights out of me.  How on Earth would I handle two of them?!

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Re: Tell me it's not possible... please?

  • luvlieKluvlieK member

    I ignore them.

    I was at Panera one day (surprise lol) and Caedan was throwing a fit.  Not really sure why.  I ignored him and he kept going.  Eventually they stop.  I actually had a woman come over and compliment me on how I handle it.  She was staring at me the whole time and I was so afraid she wanted to slap me lol.  She was like no I am serious.  (I must have given a weird look when she said I handled it well.) 

    They want the attention.  Make sure they are safe, but let it run its course.  They are searching for their place and boundaries. 

    47 months &
    11 months
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  • CABunnyCABunny member

    I'm so sorry.  Is it possible to take him outside for a few minutes?  Sometimes the change of scenery helps.  C isn't big on tantrums, but he doesn't really talk yet, so he gets so mad when we don't know what he wants.  The screeching alone makes us want to tear our ears off! 

    If I had someone butting in, I would lose my mind for sure.  When my parents visit, they sometimes say something but they've babysat the kids for a week before so they know that it's not really something that I'm doing wrong, it's just the way he is.

    FWIW, J is a sweet, calm kid and has been from birth.  He rarely got/gets upset and he's pretty even keel.  C, on the other hand, is our challenge!  We love him dearly, but he keeps us on our toes for sure. I'll keep an eye on this post for ideas too!

     

    ((hugs))

    Mama to two boys and a girl: J (6 yrs), C (4 yrs) and A (4 mo)
    Posts on cloth trainers/PLing
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  • Lady GaladrielLady Galadriel member
    All I have are hugs dear. I have 3 high needs kids, dh counts right?
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  • crackerjackprintercrackerjackprinter

    Ditto Luvlie.  I just make sure she isn't going to say, hit her head by flailing on the floor, but other than that I leave her alone.  Of course accidents happen and no one can foresee everything.  I'm sure being so crammed into a small space isn't helping with being able to contain the tantrum and keep him out of the way of things that could hurt him.

    ((hugs))

    Ditto going outside too.  Even if it's cold/rainy/snowy...it's something different.  Good luck!

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  • ArmyBride14ArmyBride14
    I would ignore it as well.  My LO isn't even close to that age yet but my cousin was a very difficult child and I was pretty much their nanny for most of their lives.  She also had horrible night terrors... we just made sure that she couldn't hurt herself on anything.  There was a long time that I was the only person who could babysit them because of how difficult she was.  The good news is that her little sister was the easiest child I have ever seen.  She could also sleep through ANYTHING.  The older one would be screaming for the longest time and she just slept through it all.  Your next one might be a breeze as well!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • proudarmywife08proudarmywife08
    I found that sometimes with Claire's tantrums I take her and I look her in the eyes and I say in simple toddler words whatever her tantrum is about. So in your case maybe "A wants necklace. A's mad. very mad" and I repeat that a couple times until she starts calming down. Sometimes I change up the words if its not working but it usually helps to acknowledge what she's mad about and then once she's a bit calmer I offer a solution. "When A stops yelling, A can have (not the necklace) but something else he likes maybe a snack or something little, or a hug or whatever" I've found that saying "its ok" or something like that only makes it worse b/c to them its not ok. Claire seems to like that I realize what she's upset about and responds better that way. I would avoid trying to calm him down or distract him, it makes him feel like his problems or concerns are not valid...you know? How would you feel if someone tried to distract you from something you're really upset about instead of talking to you about it? It works the same for the little ones, just in a simpler language. Good luck and I hope you find something that works.
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  • SapphyrEyesSapphyrEyes
    Thanks everyone.  I think I'm just stressed out right now in getting ready and trying to weed through things in such a small space.  I still have the kitchen to tackle but the main area of our room is slowly looking better.  And hopefully over the weekend DH and I can really make a dent and finish things up.  I don't want to be cleaning all of next week.  I'd like to have some time to sit down and sew and enjoy myself and DS a little bit before I stress out going to the hospital for the surgery.  I'm hoping that even though I know what's going to happen that I won't stress out too much about the needles or anything else that day.
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  • melsiemelsie

    we tried ignoring them, but that didn't work. now we have time out. DD is too young to sit by herself and i don't want it to be a punishment, i want it to be time she can calm down and sort out her feelings. so we sit in the rocker (her facing me) and if i have to pin her to my lap i do. then we rock and i talk to her and shh her and we talk about what we want, what feelings we are having and that if DD wants "X" then she has to calm down and ask nicely (or to some effect of correcting the problem in the first place like putting her toy away or picking up her bread from the floor).

    now when i ask her if she needs a time out she will willingly calm down or say yes and we will go talk. some times she's just way out of control and i put her in her crib or play area for a few mins till the thrashing/anger has settled down a bit, then i ask her if she's ready for time out or if she'd like to stay in her crib (those are the ONLY options). 

    so far it doesn't solve every situation but it has severely cut down on the outrageous tantrums and throwing/hitting things. 

    ::hugs:: good luck. 

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